To see part time hours as a necessity not a luxury

[Mollymoo78]

I work at a nursery three days a week on minimum wage. It's very much a job of convenience and I've recently been offered full time hours. Despite needing the money I've turned it down. I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable. I need two days a week to catch up on jobs and just have breathing space and stay sane. Trouble is certain full time colleagues feel that I should have taken full time hours and I'm letting them down and being lazy (that's what they imply in their comments). I always worked full time prior to having children (doing office work) but since having children and being a sahm for quite a while I seem to have more to do and more of a need to finally have time of my own. Is it lazy and selfish and ultimately unreasonable to feel this way?

" Who is to say the magic 40 hours is what we should do anyway?"
That's sort of what I was saying. We all work part time. When you have a normal office job m-f 9-5 seems the standard full time but in fact it's just one working pattern. 40 hours a week is still "part time" - part of your life - but somewhere along the line these became standard ft hours.

I wouldn't work ft unless not doing would mean my family starved.
Don't mind a few hours paid and a few voluntary, certainly no more than 20 hours as there's so much else I want to do.
It's partly luck, wanting a good work life balance, and not being materialistic that allows me to do this. it's definitely not having a lot of money, because I don't.

That's sort of what I was saying. We all work part time. When you have a normal office job m-f 9-5 seems the standard full time but in fact it's just one working pattern. 40 hours a week is still "part time" - part of your life - but somewhere along the line these became standard ft hours.*

Stealth are you saying full time is not full time enough? Have you heard of a thing called the work/life balance?

Despite needing the money I've turned it down. I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable.

Well, you are being lazy but (assuming you are supporting yourself) that's fine.

I took 2 years off with each of my children. Wouldn't have done so if we couldn't have afforded it on DH's salary.

After 4 years (2 children together) I couldn't wait to go back...

Username, great if you don't enjoy being at home much.
My career involved very sporadic hours, lots of travel abroad and was very incompatible with family life. My OH has a demanding job too, is gone most weeks for 3 or 4 days, so something had to give.
I work 15 -20 hours a week now, I do most of the housework, but I enjoy making a happy home and making a pleasant environment for my family. i have plenty time to nurture myself, work hard at the gym, see my friends.
Life has never been better.

Good for you Mindtrope but the difference between your description and the OPs op's is that they say "Despite needing the money I've turned it down."

There's no way I'd have taken extended maternity leave nor returned with P/T hours if we'd needed the money.

Of course there's a balance to be struck and in my role it can be difficult (headmistress) at times. I'd love to work Tuesday-Thursday for a my sanity getting away from work as well as away from the house but needs must and whilst my husband earns a good salary, we wouldn't have the lifestyle we do without me working full time too.

That is the bit that confuses me in the OP's situation. She is being lazy. We all are sometimes but pretending she isn't is a little frustrating,.

Not working full time hours isn't all about being lazy. We can use our energies to enhance our world in others ways. My kids feel very supported by having me at home so much, they have benefited from that I know. I give a great deal of support to my elderly mother to allow her to have a meaningful life. My OH's career too has been enhanced by my support, he is able to do cover for emergencies and take off for abroad at a moment's notice without a thought, knowing that things will run smoothly at home.
I enjoy time to go to the gym, walk, take photographs, meet friends, tend my garden, cook. I take time to nurture myself and this means the whole family benefits.

Just read this whole thread with interest. I'm part time and am actually about to drop my hours even further as coordinating preschool and school drop off and pick ups and a commute is becoming extremely difficult. It will mean less money for us as a family but actually not a huge amount less as I will be paying out less in childcare and in particular in holiday childcare. My DH would love to go down to four days a week and we will look at that again in the future but at the moment he is the higher earner. The childcare simply doesn't start early enough or finish late enough where I am to actually be at work for long enough. I have a longish commute and once I can leave my job will be seriously looking to get work closer to home, which is rare in my current specialty.

I'm definitely looked down on at work. Colleagues without young children often refer to all my 'time off', forgetting I have a 3 year old with me in that time off. It's not as if I'm at a spa. I can understand some of the criticism - I miss meetings etc as has been mentioned up thread. I do try to catch up but I have such limited time at work that I simply can't get things done sometimes. I am hoping my workload will decrease a bit when I drop hours.

Re. hating your job. I currently hate mine, mainly because of the management structure rather than the actual job. For various reasons I am stuck there for now.

"Don't mind a few hours paid and a few voluntary, certainly no more than 20 hours as there's so much else I want to do.
It's partly luck, wanting a good work life balance, and not being materialistic that allows me to do this. it's definitely not having a lot of money, because I don't."

So can you afford your (and DCs if you have them) living costs, or do you depend on your DP or the state for money?

It's not "materialistic" to seek financial security.

Also from a 'part time a necessity' viewpoint... I have recently tried to get some additional hours in another organisation (temporary overtime / supply type stuff). Advertised as flexible hours. I said I'd like to do one shift every couple of months. All good, offered the job. After I accepted they told me I needed to do a training course. Full time, 8-5 for 6-7 days. Dates set by the company. I'm not sure now if I can accept the job as if I had that sort of childcare on tap I wouldn't be looking for flexible hours.

I enjoy time to go to the gym, walk, take photographs, meet friends, tend my garden, cook. I take time to nurture myself and this means the whole family benefits.

Despite needing the money I've turned it down.

It's laziness because you need them money but are nurturing yourself. However, pretending it's something different is frustrating, as I've already said.

I'm not suggesting that everyone who works part time is lazy and a little part of me is jealous as I'd love to work part time. A 4 day weekend sounds amazing. SAHP'ing can be a full time job so I'm not knocking that either.

Does your husband get time to nurture himself or is he making up the financial short fall as you were quite clear that you need the money.

I understand that there's much more to life than money but financial security is important too. We enjoy nice holidays, a good size house, cleaner / nanny, school fees not causing stress etc. I put that above time to nurture myself.

So can you afford your (and DCs if you have them) living costs, or do you depend on your DP or the state for money?

I'm interested in the answer to that but would change "depending on your DP" a little. When I took time off after having children I was dependent on my husband. When he returned to Uni for a Masters he was dependent on me for 2 years. That isn't an issue as we're a team.

username, it's not lazy at all.

Having clear head space means that I earn more when I do work. OH is totally supportive of that.

And username, I earn as much as my OH, easily £3K a month. I work 15-20 hours a week. If I worked more hours I wouldn't earn as much, life would be too stressful and I would be frazzled.

I work p/t. It always surprises me that f/t workers think I spend the other days eating chocolates and lazing about pleasing myself
I wish. After the school
Run washing tidying and other errands couple of days at work are the easy days
Op you do whatever is right for you

My colleagues had a disgusting attitude towards me when I went from 5 days to 4, they made sure I was excluded from important decisions and collaborative planning (teacher) and let my students believe that I took a day off each week, I had several comments about my 'absences' on one particular parents' evening.

I tried to explain that my pay reflected my hours, that I was still subject to performance management and that I was expected to attend any directed time that happened to fall on my non working day. It didn't change things and of course my head of department knew this because she was my line manager.

Looking back, I was forced to leave that job because their attitudes towards me got a whole lot worse when I went on maternity leave with my 2nd child. I resigned after my first KIT day.

This is a long reply but what I mean is that some people just have twattish attitudes and that shouldn't make you feel like you have to work full time if it doesn't suit your family. If they are not supportive, and by that I mean if they don't treat you fairly, then look for employment which suits your family. I've now found a job with hours that suit my family and with no issues regarding colleagues and my hours at all. It's no one else's business what hours you do or why you do them.

User stop calling part timers lazy! Unless we are lazing in bed all day whilst our poor beleaguered partners slave off to work you have no business to. And we are not, for many of us we are caring for our small children all day, or getting on top of the house, or, as I have been cariny for a sick or elderly relative. The fact that we DO these things make it possible for our partners or relatives to continue with their full time careers. Try thinking of it that way.

Thirdtimeluck- that sounds as though you were treated dreadfully. But as a teacher (head of faculty) can i point out that it's impossible to always ensure that part timers can be present for all planning and decision making. I have several part timers in my dept, some of whom miss our weekly faculty meeting because it falls on days they don't work, and on occasions they've been quite unreasonable about this, e.g. expecting a verbal recount of the entire meeting (rather than logging on to their email and reading the meeting notes) or they've complained that they weren't present so couldn't input to a particular item. You can't have it both ways.... any organisation which functions 5 days a week WILL continue in your absence, and planning and decisions will take place.

(I'm not directly this at you personally btw as it's clear that your treatment was unsatisfactory.) But part time only works effectively if you accept that it's a trade off, and things will happen in your absence

Well said sinister.

My OH couldn't do his job and be a parent without me. He works away a great deal, often works late without any notice, called in at the last minute.

I carry the burden of pretty much all the housework, financial management, caring for kids. We work as a team.

I agree with Sinister – Username, it is offensive to call people lazy. Who do you think you are?

I work in a team predominately made up of part timers (including my boss). I would love to be part time if finances allowed for it -which currently they do not. I do not begrudge my colleagues though. I respect we each have our own lives and choices. I do not bother them on their days off and in return they appreciate full time work can be a hard balance. (I squeeze in running our household with small children by having a lot of structure -we just get on with it).

IMO there are particular problems in teaching.

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You should work the hours since they have offered them to you. Other people have to work full-time to pay the bills and still have to look after the kids, clean to house and generally live. Why not ask if you can build the hours up gradually? Do an extra few hours this week, then gradually add more until you are working full-time? You will be surprised at how much you can fit into the rest of your time once you are used to it. You sound like you are scared to try it because you like having the spare time to laze around.

username calling it lazy is deliberately offensive. When she says she needs the money I very much doubt she means they can't afford essentials, what she really means probably is we could use the money. If she was working full-time she'd probably be saying we need extra time to get the house sorted etc.

If both parents are working FT that means the parent who was previously FT now has to worry about housework, arrange their schedule to manage pick ups, doing their share of picking up sick kids from school, ferrying to clubs, helping with homework etc.

Who do you think you are?

Assuming that that was a sensible question, I'm a user on a public forum on a thread where someone asked for comment on their working hours.

I can't help it if the OP has now begun to state that she "would earn less" if she went full time and that they clearly don't need the money, contrary to her original post.

I wish people had the ability to read as I'm fairly sure

"it is offensive to call people lazy.", "My OH couldn't do his job and be a parent without me.", "User stop calling part timers lazy" etc go against where I said,

     "I'm not suggesting that everyone who works part time is lazy and a              little part of me is jealous as I'd love to work part time. A 4 day weekend       sounds amazing. SAHP'ing can be a full time job so I'm not knocking that either."

Never let facts get in the way of some righteous indignation though!

As for you OP. I didn't mean to call suggest you don't work extremely hard!

I enjoy time to go to the gym, walk, take photographs, meet friends, tend my garden, cook. I take time to nurture myself and this means the whole family benefits.

Just to reiterate though, who benefits?

I think it would be fantastic to work part time,would love 3.5/4 days a week.I think it would be great if everyone could work those hours.I know it would improve my life and my kids.
But I have no one to take up the slack,I have been a single parent for years,need the money.I have a good job primary deputy head,which I love,but between this and the kids I have a thousand balls in the air,I do get so very knackered.
So OP ofcourse if you can avoid this,do so would I ,go for it.