To see part time hours as a necessity not a luxury

[Mollymoo78]

I work at a nursery three days a week on minimum wage. It's very much a job of convenience and I've recently been offered full time hours. Despite needing the money I've turned it down. I just can't face doing it full time, the thought fills me with dread and I know I'll be miserable. I need two days a week to catch up on jobs and just have breathing space and stay sane. Trouble is certain full time colleagues feel that I should have taken full time hours and I'm letting them down and being lazy (that's what they imply in their comments). I always worked full time prior to having children (doing office work) but since having children and being a sahm for quite a while I seem to have more to do and more of a need to finally have time of my own. Is it lazy and selfish and ultimately unreasonable to feel this way?

I work 16 hours a week. Used to work 20 but dh got a big payrise so I decided to cut down. I suppose it's a luxury we can afford but I spend all that time doing everything so we don't have to do anything at the weekend bar diy projects when we fancy it. Dh works very long stressful hours and it takes a toll on us all. Dd has started secondary and is struggling with anxiety. Ds was diagnosed with asd last year and wouldn't cope with after school childcare. So for my family right now me being there everyday after school and doing all the jobs no one else has anytime to do keeps us vaguely sane. If anyone tried to criticise me for working part time I'd year them a new one. Yes we're lucky we can afford it but that comes at a price.

Yes that's true sinister and I genuinely am not having a go at your choice.
but so many people seem to talk about all the housework, admin, booking holidays they need to do making ft work impossible. In the ops situation she is in a pt min wage job. Going up to a ft min wage job is unlikely to allow her all this extra help. She'd presumably still have all the additional work she currently does.

PT works for me. I have worked 3 days for the last 12 years, since ds1, and I don't intend to ever do FT again.
I am happy with the balance. With my choices. Many of my friends have more money than us. We manage.

I have done full time, 3 times in this period, when I was begged to, to cover something, but I only did it if it was agreed that it was only for a set period and then I would revert to my original hours. The money I earnt was huge, but I never thought it was worth it, and was glad to get back to my part time hours.

There are many threads like this, I've been on loads of them over the years. It all depends on your circumstances. And your choices. And arguing over it and criticising others, is pointless.
Is this an actual argument? that is going to be 'won'?

I work fulltime hours, but compressed into 4.5 days. Would love to work part time. But with dh self employed its too risky.

If you can afford it, do it.

I work 4 days a week and its plenty, no children at home either. I get comments at work because we are always busy, like 'of course Miracle only works a 4 day week', recently a colleague said that to me and I replied that actually I was thinking of doing a 3 day week. I like to have time to do all my jobs at home without having to rush round on a work evening doing stuff.

not sure if this has already come up but with 50% of relationships ending in divorce has everyone thought how they would cope financially in the event of a break-up? I'm full-time as part-time is not possible in my job but i still don't think i could cover all the bills if OH wasn't contributing.

OP you are in no way selfish or lazy. I am self-employed and to try and make the part-time thing work I have to work full-time but in short 6-8 week stints. I've only just finished my first contract since having DD and she is now 19 months old. I have never felt so exhausted in my life. Plus I was working evenings which in the pre-child days would have meant a morning lie in, but not anymore, so I was just so tired. There isn't a part time option for me without doing it this way and to be honest I'd rather not bother, but financially it is better for me to take the odd job. My DD goes to nursery once a week even when I am not working and it is a godsend to have a clear day to do housework, run errands, sort out my life etc etc... Working part-time or being a SAHM is by no means the easy life...I think it depends on the job you do, some full time working Mum friends say they feel going to work is like a break, but with some jobs that is not the case. Everyone's situation is different, don't compare yourself to others. Also, the main drawback to working full-time is not getting to see your children! I was totally ready to go back to work as SAHM-ing was making me a little insane, but then full-time was too much to handle only seeing DD for 30 mins every evening before bed, or not at all when working evenings. I think part-time work is an excellent way to balance your life, and it is that, your life. If it works for you, and you can afford it, fight for it. You are doing the right thing :-)

how they would cope financially in the event of a break-up?
NotAnotherUserName1234 - ha ha i'd have to move in with my parents! Or rely on maintenance... I'll admit I have thought about it...oops

I worked 9-1 Monday to Friday in my last job and by the time I'd collected dd and brought her home it would be well into the afternoon so I was more exhausted because then I would have an hour or so with her before cooking tea etc. I used to get comments at work like 'you're so lucky to get afternoons off' and 'why would you expect your partner to do anything in the house when he works full time and you're off every afternoon' I left the house at 7am every morning! I've just accepted a full time job as dd is going full time to preschool so I'll be interested to see how that goes. I'm a bit worried now actually!

"work part time if you can afford it"

With all of us living longer and with increasing living costs for the future eg housing, education etc how do you plan for your future and your childrens future working part time ?

Are there any top tips that you can share ?

how they would cope financially in the event of a break-up?

Then I'd look for a full time job. We are not rendered completely incapable of adapting to change, best to do it when it actually happens though.

Being able to work part time is a luxury. I'm at work around 43 hours a week not including dinner breaks so I'm out of the house for work around 50 hrs a week. It isn't high pay so in reality I should do more hours but it's a real killer as it is. I have no one at home to help me and I have 2 children. Life is one big stress a lot of the time hence me waking at silly times most nights and being even more worn out the next day.

There's never an answer to these things, not really. Every case, job, family etc is different. My sister just went part time, she can't afford it but her job comes with quite punishing shifts, her ex husband moved away and mum and dad are in their seventies and can only cope with part time childcare- there's nobody in our home town offering childcare for 3am call outs. It's not permanent, just until the kids are old enough- eldest will be 16 and able to keep an eye in three years. Part time can be a luxury choice if your childcare and set up would work with full time, or the only option to keep a job if you're unwell, have no childcare that works, disabled / SN family members. Basically, it's an individual case and only you can work it out.

Unicorn: yes, when I worked PT years ago it meant being on the 7.15 bus with two under 2, and then getting home at 6- part time just meant I got home an hour and a half earlier than before, not that I was out of the house less than many Ft people.

We do not have to justify why we work part time. It is up to you how many hours you work.

With an ageing population, I think we are going to see a lot more part time working. Flexible working, not just because of young children, will become more common.

OP- it's important to make your choices for yourself and your family first. There will always be people who judge for all sorts of reasons.

Slight hijack here but wondering especially people who have school aged children, but work 25-30hrs PT per week: does that mean you use wrap around service at school or other kind of child care provision?
I'm struggling to fit my PT job into school hours at the moment. Thinking might need to reduce hours or engage child care services.

Most of us will be working until 67. One of my parents worked full time and retired at 55 (civil service).

I think part-time working is the way to ensure career longevity. I know quite a number of people who have worked very hard, but burned out with either stress or health problems.

There was an article in The Guardian about the over 40's and working part time. The Guardian

It was very interesting and I felt there was a lot of truth in it. I work part time and have done for 18 years, I am in a Director level role and it has not impacted on my career. As I move towards 50 I like the idea of working even less hours, I do 30 now, 21 sounds nice.

light hijack here but wondering especially people who have school aged children, but work 25-30hrs PT per week: does that mean you use wrap around service at school or other kind of child care provision?
My childcare and working hours have changed as the kids got older. When they were at primary school, I dropped them off at school and picked them up one day a week, other days a childminder who would pick them up from school and bring them home and give them their tea and take them to activities.

When they started high school I did not need to drop them off, so I traded those hours and came home early so I could be there 2 days a week after school, childminder would still be at home waiting for them the other three.

It absolutely can be a necessity. And you are totally entitled to moan about having no money at work if you want - the person who said that can get lost. Things are not the same for everybody. Health, mental health, family circumstances and a dozen other things can make you need more time. I hate the mumsnet approach sometimes that one size fits all, everybody is capable of the same and if you're not you should just pull your socks up and get on with it. Some people just need longer to cope with the same life shit than others and if they don't have it their family will suffer.

YANBU. Your colleagues can fuck off. In fact I'd be tempted to have a word with a manager; no one has the right to criticise your work pattern. Plus if they really ARE overburdened with work, that's something a good manager would want to address.

Stay part time! Don't let colleagues interfere with your life. If they want you in 5 days then tell them to employ someone else for 2 days.

Yanbu

I can't manage ft permanently. I am always getting digs from ft people questioning why I do pt and making clear their life is harder. I thought carefully before choosing to go pt and forego things to do so. THEY could have chosen the same.

Who is to say the magic 40 hours is what we should do anyway?

Nobody mentioned age as a factor relating to part time work. I am 44 and have considerably less energy than in my 30s, despite eating clean, exercising regularly, destressing etc. I have 2 dcs and work a 4 day every second week. I am trying to economise so i can run my life with just doing 4 days. Energy levels are not too bad, but if i get sick i cant manage at all. Dcs are 5 and 7. They are in some sports, my choice i know, but i am gone out of the house for a portion of every wkend. Dh cooks and does gardening. When i am in work, i do some housework each eve, homework with dcs, dh helps. I dont sit down til 9pm or later.

When i am on a day off and dcs are at school i ensure i relax. Maybe meet a friend, exercise, i also do clothes shopping and banking. I feel a day like this is a neccessity especially as i get older. Dh is very begrudging so i dont broadcast it to him. I let hin think it is half day off work. We have separate banking and i pay half of all expenses so i am fully financing this choice myself.

I am lucky to get the flexible hours. Government job. Not very well paid. 32 k for fulltime. I am prepared to economise to get a 4 day as it is an investment in my health and wellbeing.

Agree with those who've said it's neither a necessity nor a luxury nor any of your colleagues' business.

You make the choice that works for you and your family. I work part time too but do all the housework too so that we can as a family enjoy our evenings and weekends aren't spent cleaning. If we couldn't afford our lifestyle then I would work full time or adjust the lifestyle. Currently , the part time hours are worth more to me than any material things extra hours could by.