To tell ds off after swimming lesson.

[ziggitypop]

Ds is 4, swims fairly well and has recently been put up into the next swimming group. First proper swimming group rather than toddler type water confidence groups.
After a handful of successful lessons I was pulled by the teacher and told that he had refused to do anything he was asked, did his own thing and continued to do so even after having time out.
This is out of character for him as he's generally well behaved and a bit of a people pleaser.
We have spoken to him and he "doesn't know"
I think there should be a consequence and a firm telling off for this because messing around in a pool is dangerous.
Dh thinks it's not that big of a deal and we should just leave it and see how he goes.
Would love your opinions?

His only four..

I'd probably go with a firm talk about listening to your teacher and making it clear that there will be a consequence if it happens again.

I'd wonder why he's good for everyone except this teacher.

These lessons are perhaps more boring for him. He swims well enough to be in them, but is still little.
My DD has a similar problem. I tell her that if she's good in the lesson (waits her turn nicely, listens to the teacher) then we can go for a fun swim.
I think it's important they have fun in the water. Especially once the lessons get a bit samey.

How were the lessons successful if he didn't do what he was asked?
At four surely you are poolside and can step in if needed?

Yanbu.
Were you watching the lesson and did you agree with the teacher?
If yes, then please make sure your ds understands this isn't acceptable.
I'm a swim teacher, it's so hard if a child isn't behaving or cooperating, you can't ignore them as you might in another activity. The class standard can be dragged down as a whole as a consequence. As an example, with my classes where behaviour is 100% good, I can remove floatatuon aids much quicker. If someone mucks about, I have to leave them on for their own safety.

He may be only four but what's the point of paying for lessons where he's just doing his own thing? Add that to the safety issue and I don't think YABU. Could he maybe do with a bit more time before he graduates to this group, maybe he's just not ready

Four is very young and it might be that he is just not ready for swimming lessons. My dd always loved water, so we tried some lessons when she was 4, and they just didn't work out because she wasn't ready to follow instructions. We tried again one year later and she was ready then!

Well, if it's proper lessons and there are other children trying to learn then he should have a telling off.

He needs to learn how to follow instructions and do as he's asked - even at an activity.

Thanks, he's enjoyed himself and liked the teacher up until now..... Maybe they keep repeating the same things?
Or maybe too much waiting his turn.

You know your son. But with mine I would give benefit of the doubt that he didn't understand (or at least pretend I did!) And before the next lesson set firm expectations about listening to the teacher and following instructions. Then I would sit in and watch the lesson, if you are allowed, so you can back up teacher if necessary. (For me I would let the teacher do their own behaviour management E.g. time out once and if he still messed around I would take him out of the pool).

If you are in the lesson you will be able to see if there is anything else going on too. Could it be that he is still just a bit too young for the style of the lesson? Or maybe the teacher isn't great at engaging younger ones?

Why are you not there watching? He's four years old, I'm not surprised he's being 'difficult' in a swimming lesson to be honest. I don't really get swimming lessons this early to be honest, I've always just taken mine swimming for fun and taught them as they're going along. Yes, they can all swim.

He might have just realised that he doesn't get to play about anymore and is finding the transition a bit difficult, and therefore playing up. I'd wait and see if he starts behaving again, maybe try explaining to him that it's a 'big boys class' now and he's there to learn and practice, not just play, if you haven't already. Do they get play sessions at the end of every 'term' or anything like that? If they do this may give him something to work towards...

He's only 4. Watch the lesson and see what you make of it.

It could be he feels like it's a bit too difficult for him so by acting up he gets out of doing what he's supposed to. The bad attention of being in trouble might not be enough to make him behave, if behaving means doing an activity he can't manage. Are the other kids about the same age?

Wolfe, he's behaved just fine in all other lessons, there's never been an issue about today.
Rules of the class we are not poolside but behind a big glass window so you can see them but not hear very well. He did look like he was doing something different to the others but it was quite hard to tell. I think I will ask to sit poolside next time as I really don't want him to spoil anybody else's lesson.

Surely even behind a big glass window you could see he was being given time out and teacher was having to speak to him about his behaviour?

What's his hearing like? Can he hear the teacher's instructions? I could never hear a thing in school swimming lessons!

His hearing and understanding seem fine Owlina but I know what you mean it gets echoey in pools, I think he knew what to do though.... More likely to be pushing boundaries.

Wolfie, yes I saw him sit with the teacher (very quick for a time out) so went to ask the teacher at the end of the lesson. Didn't look serious enough to go charging onto the poolside mid lesson.

I think maybe he's too young for the group he's been moved up to. He's 4, he was enjoying himself, gaining confidence and skills in the more informal groups. I understand that if he is showing ability, there's a temptation to fast track him through the levels, but if it then becomes too regimented and unenjoyable for him, you run the risk of him switching off. I'm with your H. Definitely don't tell him off. Give him a few more weeks and then if it's clear that he isn't enjoying it, move him back to the more relaxed sessions.

How many are there in the class? My children went to the local council lessons with ten in a class. After quite a while I found that they were not being moved up because they messed about when it was not their turn (like keeping them in a class where they were already bored would stop them messing about). We moved them to private lessons (3-4 per class) and they improved dramatically - although it cost 50% more, they actually swam far more (they complained for the first few weeks that there was too much swimming), so I figured it was better value for money. If your DS is anything like mine, he'll do better in a class where there's no waiting for his turn.

He's only 4. He won't get the point about safety and swimming being a life skill. He's in the water and wants to play...which is perfectly normal at his age. Maybe he needs to stop swimming for a while until he is older and it is more reasonable to expext him to be able to 'do as he is told'. We expect far too much of very young kids these days.

The one thng thats guaranteed to turn hm off wanting to learn is to be made to feel its a chore. If he is already swimming could you take him to the local pool everyweek for some fun together instead? He could improve his confidence and it would give you some great fun time together?

My youngest is just turned 5 and moved up to the next swimming group after his birthday. He's been told off a couple of times too for not listening properly - if I see the teacher had had to have a word with him in the lesson then I'll tell him off myself after too and emphasise that if he behaves properly and listens then he will learn more. I'd say yanbu to tell him off. They won't improve if we don't even have expectations for them because of their age. The point can be made to him without going ott, If he's new to the group he's probably just still adjusting to it and will settle better the next couple of weeks?

Widowdonkey we do go swimming for fun a lot too, which is why he can swim well really, maybe it was just a bad week or maybe he's a bit young.... Will settle for a firm "chat" this week, stay poolside (if they'll let me) and see how it goes. Thanks for the advice everybody