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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Childminder letting kids watch TV

43 replies

Teacherontherun · 25/10/2016 22:25

Hi, I live in Scotland and the kids have just gone back to school. We had an INSET day on Monday and my kids went to the childminder who also happens to be a old school friend. when I asked my 7 DD What she had done she said the CM had the TV on all day and they "just played ". Now I am not overly bothered about a chilled out day especially as holiday cover is cheaper than full fees. BUT here is the issue -CM told me TV was only on for the last hour but another friend collected at lunch and the TV was on. My baby also goes three days a week and i am worried now that I can't trust her to actually be doing stimulating activities. every time we collect from her the TV is on but we assume that its just for after tea, now I am not sure

OP posts:
BackforGood · 25/10/2016 23:56

I think I would be cross at being lied to by the CMer.

As you say, for a 'one off' for the dc on an INSET day it's not going to do them any harm, but I wouldn't want my baby having TV on all the time. I know some people won't be bothered but it's the fact she lied about it that would make me very uncomfortable.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/10/2016 00:01

Maybe I'm cynical, but I'd never trust a cm/nanny to look after a baby. They can do whatever they like, with no one to tell on them! Take the kids to the zoo once in a blue moon, and pop the photos up on fb, jobs a goodun.

Chikara · 26/10/2016 00:09

TV is fine for a bit, being lied to isn't. Might be a bit of an exaggeration by the 7yr old and just have been on for ten mins at lunchtime pick-up.

Trust is crucial. I'd ask her about it. If your DD tells you again that they watched tv all day and you are not happy with that then time to change.

And both mine were looked after by CMs from babies til end of Primary. women who loved my kids, became good friends of mine, taught me so much and whose experience and care was invaluable to me and my children. It is not a cushy job by any means.

BackforGood · 26/10/2016 00:13

I totally agree with your last paragraph Chikara. My childminders were wonderful, and I'd highly recommend 90% of CMs.

Dontpanicpyke · 26/10/2016 00:16

Is she ofsted registered?

arethereany

What a stupid post!

Childminders generally don't put their minders on FB!. Safeguarding policies you know dear! I assume you are talking about unqualified carers for cash.

Original poster
Teacherontherun · 26/10/2016 05:34

Thanks for your responses yes she is ofsted registered. I am going to have a good think tomorrow.

OP posts:
Spottytop1 · 26/10/2016 05:39

Why don't you just talk to her? Voice your concerns and see how she responds?

Are the children doing activities when the TV is on? Does she have it on for ' background' noise? Is it on only during ' transition' times, lunch, nap time, collection times, to keep children focussed ( so safer), whilst she sorts things out?

Speak to her and find out!

fruitpastille · 26/10/2016 05:58

Actually both childminders I know use Facebook but have a secret group just for parents and get written permission too.

I also agree with Chakira's last paragraph.

CM's are very visible in the local community - school run, local park, toddler groups, soft play. Plus my kids bring home art work and baking regularly. I hardly think this is a front for them having the TV on all day and smoking fags with their feet up!!

That said I wouldn't be happy with any deception. I would be inclined to leave it on this occasion but ask a few more questions the next time there have a day there.

Thefitfatty · 26/10/2016 06:31

I think it matters what's on the tv. Our nanny generally has the TV on a channel that plays kids songs all day. My DD and DS don't really pay attention to it, but sometimes dance and sing along while they play. It's more just there for background noise.

However the lying is an issue that I would bring up with her.

Believeitornot · 26/10/2016 06:40

arethereany well that's because you clearly have trust issues.

I've used both. The CM did use tv more than I liked but that was a temporary arrangement and my dcs weren't babies. My nanny uses a bit of tv and only after checking with me. I know because I ask her but I also trust her.

yesterdaysunshine · 26/10/2016 06:45

I understand whereany is coming from, though I don't agree.

Unfortunately there are bad eggs and it's easier in some ways for this to happen in your own home with no one to answer to but preschoolers.

ferriswheel · 26/10/2016 06:58

High maintained parents are far more likely to be deceived. If I was your childminder I'd tell you to take your kid elsewhere. Maybe your childminders was having a hard day?

NoahVale · 26/10/2016 07:08

nothing wrong with Just Playing.
perhaps your dd was exaggerating. ?
did you talk about TV with CM

and CM have to jump through hoops now

mouldycheesefan · 26/10/2016 07:11

Our child minder had the tv in all the time but my kids were there after school only and I was very happy for them just to chill out. When they were pre school age they went to nursery. Once a week they would watch mr tumble as they were learning makaton. No other tv but a tonne of activities all day long. Perhaps may suit better?

longdiling · 26/10/2016 07:18

This is a difficult one. I get your concerns but if she has specifically told you they watched TV for an hour if you raise this with her you are essentially accusing her of lying. I can't think of a diplomatic way to do that. I'm a childminder myself and it is tricky in school holidays when you have older kids around. TV is never out on for preschoolers in my house but it is on for older kids at times. They watched a film yesterday - not least because one child had a cold and wasn't feeling great.

user1476596036 · 26/10/2016 07:18

The problem is to get the full variety of entertainment at this age costs a lot more than just taking them to the childminder and nurseries are very good but can be costly.

user1472419718 · 26/10/2016 07:31

I think trust is the bigger issue here.

Are there any other parents (in addition to the friend you mentioned in the OP) that you could ask?

Original poster
Teacherontherun · 26/10/2016 07:31

I really do appreciate the replies. I am more than happy for post school /transition times to have tv. I think my concern stems from a couple of things that have been said by others in the past too. A mutual friend went for coffee one day and commented that she was surprised the tv was on and the kids left in the living room while they had coffee in the kitchen. maybe I have let my friendship cloud my judgement. I am just not sure how to broach it without sounding like a cowbag!!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 26/10/2016 07:35

I see a child minder to mind your children, to look after them feed them interact but not all the time stimulate them. If you want that you may have to pay a nanny tp do exactly what you want.

longdiling · 26/10/2016 07:41

Does she ever tell you they do other stuff? And do you see evidence of it? I.e. Mucky clothes after messy play, bring home artwork/baking. Have people seen her around at the park or Playgroups?

Original poster
Teacherontherun · 26/10/2016 07:42

I really don't expect them to be stimulating the kids every minute of the day, for one thing the kids would be bloody exhausted. I don't mind a bit of down time post lunch /pre nap etc. What I am struggling with is the fact that she has lied /bent the truth. I have just texyed a different parent who has replied to say they are really glad its not just them that doesn't like the telly on. Part of the issue is that her own son is extremely demanding and if he wants to watch tv then he just shout until she gives in

OP posts:
Original poster
Teacherontherun · 26/10/2016 07:43

Long- me and dh were just saying last week we never get art work etc!

OP posts:
longdiling · 26/10/2016 07:48

Hm. Time to start looking elsewhere then maybe? Especially if you feel she's lying to you. You sound very reasonable, as you say constant stimulation isn't possible - I had kids here for 12 hours yesterday and I couldn't have filled every moment with stimulating activities but we did loads of stuff as well as watching a film.

Katastrophe13 · 26/10/2016 08:08

I use a childminding group for my DC and they have the to on at regular intervals throughout the day while CMs have a coffee break, clean after lunch etc. I don't mind as I see evidence of them doing other things. Each child has a folder where CMs keep reports of their development and there are many photos in those showing kids doing different activities. They also take them out and they come home with baking and artwork. They also come home with new songs they've learnt, so feel happy there is a balance of stimulation and down time. The giving in to tv because son is shouting doesn't sound good! It will be very awkward to speak to her about. I think if i were you I'd look for somewhere else then make up an excuse as to why I was moving them that's as non offensive as possible. I'm a massive coward though!

LittleLionMansMummy · 26/10/2016 08:19

Our cm is like some kind of Mary Poppins and is absolutely amazing. In the 5 years ds has been going to her I can count on one hand the times the tv is on. He regularly brings home decorations he's made there, salt dough Christmas decorations, cakes and crumbles, hammer beads etc. She helps them practice their writing during half terms by giving them little age appropriate writing exercises and goes on plenty of walks where they collect blackberries, conkers, coloured leaves etc. I know they sometimes watch TV there but I really don't have a problem with that. I would if it was on all day every day though and think you should mention it op. A good cm will indeed do plenty of activities. A rubbish one won't.