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AIBU?

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Original poster

Neglect or just crap parenting?

401 replies

selly24 · 25/10/2016 16:27

Leaving a child age 5 alone in house while running an errand taking 15 mins.
A friend seems to do this a lot. Not witnessed directly but from what parent had said eg ' DC woke up and I was on errand so was upset with me' and from what child refers to or assumes.
Eg when babysitting -' oh, why do I need to come when you go do X? Parent always leaves me here.
Was mortified when first heard bu thought prob a one off, as parent's OH was away, but seems to be a regular thing...am increasingly concerned. Should I be.?

OP posts:
Natsku · 25/10/2016 22:09

could I just say to those who are scoffing at the level of risk that SS would regard this as neglect

Don't live in the UK but a social worker said to DD (who is 5) that she's getting to the age where she can be left home alone for a little while. DD told her that she already has been left, social worker said nothing negative about that to me (and I know it hasn't been flagged up either as if it was I would have been contacted by now)

MaQueen · 25/10/2016 22:11

Not obtuse at all eb. It would just appear you aren't very good at thinking.

If your child 'injured themselves at school' it wouldn't matter, nearly as much, whether you had 'hung around just incase' because there would be plenty of responsible adults immediately on hand, to take care of your child....as opposed to her being alone with a serious injury, for 15 minutes, or so.

Trifleorbust · 25/10/2016 22:12

She was happy to be left. Oh well that's fine then Hmm

Nataleejah · 25/10/2016 22:13

Press: I am far from being in favour of a culture of fear.
Honestly i'm more frightened of a nosy ill-wishing neighbour.

Enb76 · 25/10/2016 22:15

MaQueen - the point was that I would like to be there if my child injured themselves regardless of where, when or how it happened. It's not always possible. When she is unlikely to injure herself, I am happy to leave her for 15 minutes. If I thought she was in any danger I wouldn't leave her - again, it's about risk. The risk I take when she goes to school is that something happens outside of my control but that's a risk I take. The risk I take when I go to the shop is similar. Statistically, in either case, very little will happen.

Trifleorbust · 25/10/2016 22:15

I'm not nosy either - I generally have very little interest in how others parent.

MaQueen · 25/10/2016 22:17

These are just perfect examples of a sad necessity e.g. 'I can't be arsed coaxing them away from the TV/game and getting them into shoes & coat, and have them whinging at me for 20 minutes in the shop...

...masquerading as a smug virtue e.g. 'Oh, I am just encouraging independence in my child, and they will be ever so much more capable and resilient and well rounded individuals than the poor children suffocated by their over anxious parents who would never put their child at risk just for their own brief convenience

Trifleorbust · 25/10/2016 22:18

Enb76: The risk of something going wrong is similar; once it's gone wrong, the outcomes of your child being on her own at home compared to being at school with her teachers couldn't be more different.

clumsyduck · 25/10/2016 22:19

I do not consider myself an "anxious parent" but I would not leave my 5 year old for a 10-15 minute errand .

Yes something could happen to him anywhere but there is literally no time in which he is totally alone so of course he could fall and hurt himself at his dad's or grandparents school etc etc but there is always an adult around and responsible for his care !

What is so important you can't take them with you . Don't understand this at all

BlueFolly · 25/10/2016 22:19

Its only laziness if you are some kind of martyr to the mummy life

Oh Christ, this with knobs on.

MaQueen · 25/10/2016 22:21

'The risk I take when I go to the shops...'

You see I never took that risk. Why would any responsible parent run any risk with their child's safety, no matter how 'small' just for the sake of their own convenience (which is all it is, basically).

Presstheresetbutton · 25/10/2016 22:22

Natalee, when we first moved here the next door neighbour came banging on my door one afternoon to tell me my children were playing two fields over. I said yes I know. She then looked at me a minute and said 'oh ok right ok well isn't it lovely to see children playing out, you don't see that much anymore'

She now sends her dog out to them when they are over the field or down the lane and he runs around with them. She tells me all the time how lovely it is to see them out and about. The only reason she came round that day was because she thought I didn't know they were out and would be worried.

Presstheresetbutton · 25/10/2016 22:24

I'm not an idiot who can't measure risk. They always wear their seat belts, I don't leave them unsupervised around water, they are loved and cared for children who are independent beyond the norm for their age (in this day and age, 20 years ago you wouldn't have blinked)

mygorgeousmilo · 25/10/2016 22:24

Can never understand why the child can't come with you when it's supposedly so simple and fast? It's one of those things that's just not worth the risk. Neglect, I'd say.

MaQueen · 25/10/2016 22:25

Well, I'm all for risking my child's safety just to bring a glow of pleasure to my next door neighbour...Hmm

Enb76 · 25/10/2016 22:26

Well, on that note, I am quite happy for most of you to think I'm neglectful and for me to think that some of you are a little over-anxious. I have no headspace for the kind of worry that you want me to have and quite frankly nor would I want to.

DixieNormas · 25/10/2016 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Presstheresetbutton · 25/10/2016 22:26

MaQueen, thats a spurious argument. Where does it end? Why get in a car when its safer to walk? Just because its more convenient for you?

Presstheresetbutton · 25/10/2016 22:28

No I called you martyrs because of the dressing up of everything as a unique learning opportunity for fun and games. She's gone and got eggs a million times. Today she didn't. In the summer she walks to go and get them herself!

No wonder so many mums are bloody knackered.

Patsy99 · 25/10/2016 22:29

V sad that letting a child play out in the fields is considered "risking their safety".

Much safer for them to be at home on a screen, at least they're "safe" then.

MaQueen · 25/10/2016 22:29

enb for most parents it isn't 'headspace' to not unnecessarily risk their child's safety.

It is instinct.

PerpendicularVincent · 25/10/2016 22:31

I completely agree Dixie. I have no idea what 'martyr to mummy life' is, it just sounds like a crap soundbite to me.

Presstheresetbutton · 25/10/2016 22:32

MaQueen I should imagine all those fears around floods, sudden fires and aneurisms take up quite a bit of head space.

clumsyduck · 25/10/2016 22:33

press

Il agree with you on that point there is no learning and fun to be had when I drag a reluctant ds out in the rain to the shops for the second time when we have forgotten something but at 5 there is just no way I'd leave him . I know the chances of him coming to any harm are extremely low but for me it's not worth the risk ( I'm talking a 10 min plus walk to the shops here not that I don't pop out to my car or to put the bins out etc ) because of something did happen I would never forgive myself / would probably be in a lot of trouble !!

Natsku · 25/10/2016 22:33

In the summer she walks to go and get them herself

Can't wait until DD is ready to go to the shop for me, just up the road along a cycle path. Maybe next summer (she'll be 6), if not then certainly the next after that.

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