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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to not want this stuff from my mil

45 replies

Coughingchildren5 · 25/10/2016 12:56

MIL has been passing on stuff related to my dh being a baby. This has been a gradual process over the past few years. Photo albums, bits of hair from his first hair cut, milk teeth and now his drawings from reception.

AIBU to not want this stuff?

Photos fine, lovely to look at those, but the other stuff is mummy stuff. He is not my child. What am I supposed to do with it? Make a keep sake box like those I have for our children? At the moment I have piled it all on the stairs for dh to deal with but he seems even less interested.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 25/10/2016 12:58

Your dh's milk teeth Envy

That's just gross

If you Dh isn't bothered, give them back to your MIL, or throw them straight in the bin

Not even your children will appreciate their dads milk teeth

cheesymac · 25/10/2016 12:58

Shock I'm surprised she wouldn't want to keep them. As you say, he not your child.

Maybe tell her "yeah we enjoyed looking at them, but we wondered if you wanted them back?"

YANBU

Spudlet · 25/10/2016 13:00

How bizarre Confused

Make a lovely keepsake box, and give it to her for Christmas?

Milk teeth though.... bleurgh!

mouldycheesefan · 25/10/2016 13:00

Tell her to give them to him. Let him deal with it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/10/2016 13:01

I don't think you should have to do anything with it - it's certainly not your responsibility to make a keep sake box, or to sort this stuff out for your dh - he should be doing it.

I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to ask your dh to sort it out, decide what he wants to keep, and how he wants to keep it, and to ditch the rest - worst case, he could just shove it in the loft, and deal with it later.

I wonder if your MIL is sorting things out now, so that her children don't have to face sorting all this sort of stuff in the future, when she dies - I know, morbid - I am sorry - but we had to deal with all this sort of thing when my MIL passed away a couple of years ago, and it was much harder for dh and dbil to do then, whilst they were grieving for her.

NavyandWhite · 25/10/2016 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CruCru · 25/10/2016 13:02

Why is she giving you this stuff? It may be that she doesn't really want it either but can't bear to just chuck it out.

If this stuff is piling up, it's worth telling her that you don't have anywhere to keep it and she should have it back.

user1477282676 · 25/10/2016 13:03

My MIL gave me similar. I just put it in a box and forgot about it. Don't look into it too deeply.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 25/10/2016 13:04

Don't get involved, if she gives them to you say "I'll give them to dh or you give them to dh", tell him they are on the stairs to stick them in the attic or in the bin, they were hers and she has passed them to him, he either keeps/dumps or offers back, i'd stay out of it if I were you

ollieplimsoles · 25/10/2016 13:05

So we have the same mil?

Mil tries to give dh 'back' his baby teeth and a load of pictures, greetings cards, school reports.

Its a nightmare

Crystal15 · 25/10/2016 13:07

My ex mil did this. Sent every birthday card, school painting, report and all christening crap to mine. I was annoyed, can't remember what happened to it all. Think it ended up at exs when we broke up.

NerrSnerr · 25/10/2016 13:08

Surely it's your husband's stuff to deal with? Just let him decide what he wants to keep.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 25/10/2016 13:08

Don't throw out the school reports - they could be comedy gold!

We found a pile of dh's school reports when we were going through my MIL's things after she died, and we had such a laugh reading them.

Baby teeth and pictures from primary school - yuck, and not worth keeping - but the reports could be a good thing to keep - or at least, to have a read of now, before chucking.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/10/2016 13:10

STGD has nailed it! my Mum did the same with some old christening gowns! I mean why would I want them?? I think she is doing it now rather than later

chuck em Sad

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 25/10/2016 13:11

I shall do this when my DS grow up, great tip OP Grin

mouldycheesefan · 25/10/2016 13:12

My own DM did this recently. We are NC and she still sent me all my school reports, Pictures etc. I think they get to the point where they want to clear out, downsize etc and so the natural place to send all the stuff is back to their child. Just accept it and give it to him to bin.

Pocketsizedpixie · 25/10/2016 13:14

My mum does this with stuff of mine. In the end I told her if she gave it to me I was going to bin it, so if she wanted it kept it had to stay in her house. She wasn't happy, but hasn't brought any more round....

Therealloislane · 25/10/2016 13:14

My dad did this recently.

He gave all of us our stuff, school reports, santa letters, begging letters notes we left him asking for the newest tape of our favourite artist etc...

He said he wanted us to have it all so the place old be sorted easier after his death.

Allthewaves · 25/10/2016 13:16

Put in box and stick in loft. Mum gave me my stuff like that (I binned most of it but didn't tell her that)

OurBlanche · 25/10/2016 13:19

My parents did the same about 10 years ago. Hospital tag from birth, first hair cut, that jug we bought on that holiday when you were 5, the picture you looked at when you were 7, books, books, more books... the list went on.

Knowing my dad we just boxed it and waited. Sure enough "Do you have the ugly shite we lent you? Bring it with you when you come"

It must be a 'thing'!

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 25/10/2016 13:22

I'd tell her that either she has it back or you're dumping it. I'd keep the school stuff and photos.

Kirriemuir · 25/10/2016 13:24

Sorry but your DH should be thankful his mum has kept this stuff. OK, you might not want it but I come from a background where I have nothing other than half a dozen photos of my years from being born to about 13. Even beyond that is photos friends have taken at parties and the likes.

I'd love a little box of things from when I was a baby.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 25/10/2016 13:25

I am really quite brutal about not accepting stuff I don't want because DM's side of the family are hoarders.

Yet when MIL offloaded this kind of stuff to us, we took it all off her, no question. DH decided what he wanted to keep, binned the rest and never mentioned it to her.

MIL and FIL were clearing out for downsizing to a flat and getting their affairs in order to minimise the stress on their DC when they finally meet the maker or can't take care of themselves. It was an incredibly difficult process for them.

We were glad to help in little ways like this. I am grateful to them for being so considerate now. My own family will not be like that, I'm dreading the clear out and the rows when DM pops her clogs.

AcrossthePond55 · 25/10/2016 13:26

Just out of curiosity, what does your DH say about all this? After all, it is his childhood things.

DH and I are planning on downsizing soon and have our sons' childhood/babyhood things boxed in our storage room. As DS1 is married and now has his own home, I had planned to ask him to come by one day to sort through his things with 'keep or toss' in mind. I'd hate to think that my lovely DiL would tell him to throw out things he wants to keep.

RhiWrites · 25/10/2016 13:27

Give the teeth to school so they can do that experiment where you put one in a glass of Coke, one in milk, one in water and then study their gradual rate of decay.

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