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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

About his beard

51 replies

probablyBU · 24/10/2016 19:33

NC for this because I probably am BU.

My DP started growing his beard about three years ago. I liked it at first because it was neat, tidy and well groomed. It's now almost down to his collarbones and all shades of blonde, light brown and ginger. The ends are straggly and gappy and it just looks bushy and unkempt. My friends and family are starting to make comments about it to me when I already hate it and am embarrassed by it! He wants to keep growing it but it just looks horrible. He has a gorgeous face and he is just ruining it.

He gets food in it every time we go out to eat. It's getting to the point where I just don't think I will fancy him if this keeps on. WIBU to demand he takes better care of it (and keeps it shorter!) or should I just leave him to it, despite hating it? If I am not BU, how do I tell him I hate it and want it gone without hurting his feelings?

OP posts:

IAmNotAMindReader · 24/10/2016 20:02

Send him to the barbers to get it properly shaped. There's nothing wrong with it being long it just needs some tlc.

Ameliablue · 24/10/2016 20:04

Yanbu, i hate beards

TowerRavenSeven · 24/10/2016 20:04

Yanbu at all. Sorry but yuck!

PoppyBirdOnAWire · 24/10/2016 20:08

Bleurgh.
Beards are awful especially those revolting long ones. Why do some men ruin their looks with the ghastly things? Even the neat ones are unhygienic because so many beardies are unable to stop fiddling with them. It is disgusting.

Wrinklytights · 24/10/2016 20:11

Are you my brother's dp? His beard is bonkers he has dark hair on his head but his beard is every colour under the sun and doesn't match at all. You are not BU to ask him to cut it, but it's up to him if he listens I guess.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 24/10/2016 20:13

Tell him tactfully that you like it looking neater and want to see more of his gorgeous face.

Alternatively,
a) drop the bombshell that the whole family has nits, inspect his beard and declare it infested, and insist on shaving the lot off.

b) offer to light his cigarette, and catch the beard in the lighter. (Have a pint of water to hand to douse.)

Or c) Stop removing your own facial hair, in a can't beat 'em, join 'em sort of way.

GinAndOnIt · 24/10/2016 20:13

I suppose you need to ask yourself how you'd feel if he came home and said he hated your hair and demanded you changed it, and go from there.

puglife15 · 24/10/2016 20:15

Poppy are you my MIL?

I don't think yabu to dislike it but ywbvu to demand to get rid of it. How would you feel if he tried to dictate your grooming or look?

Have you actually tried to have a conversation about it with him? That's where I'd start. Just ask him whether he's planning to keep it, what he thinks of it.

I'd buy him a pro trim for a present so he can get it neatened up too as it does sound quite trampy. And tip the barber a tenner to show him how to do it at home himself. Maybe he doesn't know how to make it look neater or cut it shorter himself without butchering it?

puglife15 · 24/10/2016 20:17

Also - find a pic of him in nice beard era and say "I loved your beard like that, you should do it like that again" or something.

Penfold007 · 24/10/2016 20:17

His body, his choice. Expecting good personal hygiene isn't unreasonable but his facial hair choice really is his choice.

Cucumber5 · 24/10/2016 20:19

I adore beards. You could. Suggest trim?

alltouchedout · 24/10/2016 20:21

I love beards. I hate it when dh shaves or severely trims his. But I don't whine or try and get him not to because it's his face and his beard and I would be really pissed off if he tried to insist on me changing my appearance to suit him.

BolshierAryaStark · 24/10/2016 20:29

You can give him your opinion on it but that's about it really. How would you feel about him dictating to you on what you should do with your body hair?

Ameliablue · 24/10/2016 22:37

I can't tell my oh to shave but I can tell to keep away from me with his prickles if he doesn't.

Original poster

probablyBU · 24/10/2016 23:33

He does get it shaped at the barber's but he won't allow them to trim it or take the bushiness out of it. I've told him a million times that it's full of split ends and need to be trimmed regularly to keep it looking nice.

I don't want him to actually get rid of it because it's just become 'him' now but I would appreciate it if he took care of it and kept it at a reasonable length. If you're going to commit to a beard, you don't just let it grow wild! He lets me 'tidy it up' occasionally but goes sulking if I dare to try and trim it.

I just think it's revolting to be out for dinner with him and look up from my meal to see sauce in his beard. As for 'would I like it if he told me what to do' - if I had straggly, scruffy hair full of split ends, I would hope he wouldn't let me walk around like that!

OP posts:

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 24/10/2016 23:41

Ooh. Tough one! Two days before I met DP he shaved his moustache. I had no idea it was so recent when I saw a photo of him with it and told him he looked much more gorgeous now. He got a bit offended and I didn't really help by saying I thought beards and moustaches were a bit creepy... I really had intended the original comment as a compliment! He's gorgeous without it.

He hasn't grown it since, thankfully. For 9 whole years. I don't know for sure that it's because of me, but it's a big coincidence if not!

Find an old photo, tell him you'd forgotten how gorgeous his face is shaved (hopefully worded better!) and then prepare for a bit of hurt?

I take DPs thoughts into account when I'm changing parts of myself. He doesn't get final say but I do consider him.

ComedyBoobs · 24/10/2016 23:43

He needs a beard bib.

WorraLiberty · 24/10/2016 23:44

Yes but what do you mean you would hope he wouldn't 'let' you walk around like that?

All he could was mention your hair was looking scraggly and split and then the choice is yours if you want to do something about it.

I find full beards a massive turn off but if my DH wanted to grow one, that's his choice.

The food issue is another thing entirely. He needs to learn to eat properly, or at least use a napkin.

littleshirleybeans · 24/10/2016 23:49

It would be a massive total turn-off for me as well.

Nickanickname · 24/10/2016 23:54

I think it's perfectly reasonable to talk about what you find attractive, what you don't find attractive and what embarrassed you. It's up to him then what he does with the information. You would be unreasonable to demand anything.

My DH prefers me not to wear heels cos it makes me taller than him - it's good to know that so if we are going out just the two of us I wouldn't tend to wear heels, but if we're seeing more people or I feel like wearing heels then I wear then and ignore his preference.

KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 24/10/2016 23:54

Get him into LOTR and see if you can get him to braid it middle-earth dwarf style.

JoJoSM2 · 25/10/2016 00:14

That sounds really gross... I can't imagine kissing either... I'd definitely say something politely but if he loves it then you might get used to it.

Original poster

probablyBU · 25/10/2016 00:19

Worra by 'let' I mean I would expect him to tell me if I looked silly, and how I could improve it (if he knew how I could improve it!)

King that's exactly what he's going for.

Maybe I should stop attending to my own personal grooming. A sort of hairy protest, if you like.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 25/10/2016 00:28

Just tell him what you think and leave the choice up to him.

The messy eating is a separate issue though. That's just gross that he doesn't wipe food from his beard if he happens to get some on it.

TaterTots · 25/10/2016 00:37

This is really disappointing. If he was telling you that you had to keep your hair and certain length everyone would be chiming in on how he's trying to control you and telling you to 'LTB'. Pull your head in.

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