AIBU to expect hubby to come yo bed at same time at least 4 nights of the week?

[ilovecakeandbiscuits]

We have been together for almost 10 years, married for 5. And for the last 5 years or so we go to bed at seperate times. I usually go to be between 9.30pm and 10pm on week days and get up around 7am or when the kids wake.

Hubby goes to bed between 10 and 11pm and gets up 6.20am on week days.

I feel we are drifting apart and have asked him to come to bed at same time at least 4 4 nights a week but he refuses and will only come to bed if he thinks he will get some action.

I miss the closeness and communication that we use to have from just going to bed at same time - we use to spend half hour before going to sleep just chatting and cuddling (and often dtd)

It always ends up with an argument when i ask him to come to bed.

Do you think i am being unreasonable in asking him to join me?

exactly as sofabitch says. tbh it could be the op who gives up in a year or two if she never gets to chat to her partner or connect, whats the point? op doesnt sound happy tbh

Have you tried phoning him in his lunch break? Just have a quick chat to touch base and then you can talk to him about anything mentioned properly later on?
What is he doing on tablet that's so interesting anyway?
Suggest a joint bath in eves?
Tell him how you feel about all this you can't expect him to open up when you aren't to him - lead by example!

I have similarly aged childen and understand the mixture of wanting to go to sleep because you will be up in night but also wanting to spend time just with your partner. I abu I know because it is different strokes for different folks but I always feel sorry for couples who don't go to bed together as it is a lovely, intimate time whether you have sex or not.
9:30 is very early though. Would he be happy to go with you at 10 and pull his weight a bit more in the night? This is not necessarily some massive chasm in your relationship - maybe just a difference of opinion in how important that time before bed is. Both compromise a bit and I think all will be well. Some people postinh here are being quite mean and could possibly benefit from more bedtime cuddles themselves!!