To view my Son as work

[emmeline25]

I love my Son more than anything and when I'm with him I enjoy being his Mum. I make sure to spend quality time with him when we are together, I do everything I can for him and I do love him very much and enjoy him being in my life, or course I do. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression when he was 9 months old and found it very hard to cope. I was offered counselling and felt a lot better. I no longer have postnatal depression but I'm not sure if what I feel is normal.

I am not with my Son's Dad anymore but he is a great Dad and he has him 3 days of the week. He has him Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I have him back Sunday morning. I work Tuesday-Friday until 6pm and have all day with him Monday until his Dad picks him up Thursday at 3pm. I also have him quite a bit at weekends here and there and do get lots of quality time with him.

I look forward to him going to his Dad's and would be lying if I said I missed him when he's away. I know that sounds awful. On Sunday I feel really down as I know I'm getting him back. I love my Son but don't love looking after him. It's the same feeling I used to get on a Sunday night realising it's work tomorrow. I view my Son as work because although he's a good boy, he is still work. I've got to bath him, make him food/dress him/read him books/play with him. It's quite intensive. I much prefer being on my own if I'm honest. I never appreciated not being responsible for anyone until I had a child.

There's many aspects of parenting I love. He comes into my bed every night and I wake up to him asleep cuddling me. That's lovely, and his delight when it's bed time and time to read his favourite books. I love how enthusiastic he is to show me new things he's done. He's a truly lovely and very happy child. But deep down I do love being on my own with friends, and I view looking after my Son as a sort of 'work' and I'm really relieved when it's bed time and time for me to relax.

Is this normal, AIBU to think like this?

Maybe you're lucky, mars. Either your son is extremely easy to parent, or you have a temperament that is suited very well to motherhood. My mum was just the same - I think she enjoyed every minute of being with us and was never bored.

Well aren't you just perfect, Mylifeonmars.

Actually, I don't think it is normal to attach yourself to your children 24/7 to the point where you don't want them to go to school.

It's normal to not want to lose yourself in the Parenting role.
It's normal to have your own space/time/friends/hobbies.
It's normal for children to move through their own lives, starting school, building relationships with other people...

I've never seen my children as a 'chore' or as 'work', but I certainly relish my time away from them and don't miss them when they are with their dad/friends/on Cub camp etc.

I don't feel that they are mine, rather that I have been entrusted with them and it is my responsibility to guide them to adulthood and independence. I would consider it incredibly unhealthy to miss my child "horribly" when he went to school and I think people who do probably need to get a bit of a life.

Completely normal! I'm pleased I've read this today actually as I was feeling pretty guilty after seeing friends posting on fb how they can't wait to spend all this week with the kids and I'm just here counting down the days until school reopens on Monday!
I never miss my children when they are away at grandparents etc, even when they were gone a full week I still dreaded them coming home. They are just such hard work. My oldest (6) is definitely worse than the youngest (3).

Also I think it's fair to comment on the enormous amount of work they bring with them as well as just the keeping an eye on them... DH and I were laughing (very wryly, did I sob at the end?) about how little housework we did in our sleek inner city new build when we were DINKYs (Double Income No Kids, I think that's how you spell it), we had a cleaner and sashayed off to our professional jobs and were self-obsessed workaholics, 'twas great. Now it's all BREAKFAST LAUNDRY DISHWASHER HOOVER STOOD ON FUCKING LEGO OW LUNCH LAUNDRY DISHWASHER LEGO DINNER BATH PYJAMAS, wiping down surfaces, bringing things upstairs, taking things downstairs, managing their complex diaries bla bla bla... I adore my kids, I don't adore not having any time to myself, unless I have paw patrol on in which case I feel guilty, nor having constantly 10% of my mind thinking about food/meals etc like a military commander, nor the hard domesticity, nor giving up my lovely work clothes for mum jeans and jumpers constantly covered in snot and banana.

Mars you are really lucky that you enjoy ALL aspects of bringing up a child, that is very blessed and I'm sure it's lovely. I happily do all the requisite things for my kids, who I adore and try and do anything and everything for, but I don't feel guilty about not loving some of it.

I do like baking with them though, so soothing. I'm sure that that is others' idea of fresh hell.

And the PLAYGROUND! God I hate it I am so BORED WITH IT. But obvs take them there all the time. I spend a lot of time thinking about Eckhart Tolle and muttering about the Power of Now etc.

OP you are totally normal. I actually think it's easier for me never to have a break as I am simply institutionalised to it now.

I'm sorry but I've never felt this way and would never think it's normal to feel this way. And I've had my son 24 hours seven days a week for 14 years. I missed him horribly when he started school and never saw parenting as work

There's always one, isn't there? If changing nappies and cleaning and endless laundry and tidying isn't your idea of boring work, I suggest your idea of work is a bit skewed. Although if you truly have been stuck to your child for 14 years without a single hour off, as you say you have, I suggest your ideas of what is normal are entirely skewed.

Sometimes what gets me down is having to arrange every day around a timetable of naps and meals - I know this will get better but sometimes I miss the spontaneity of just rushing out the door without it being a something akin to a military operation.

Hmmm, I wouldn't say kids aren't hard work, but I do love almost all of that hard work. except when DS2and DD are fighting

I used to be a nanny and did often think "I actually get paid for this! "

But then I'm the weirdo who cries on the way to work because I'm already missing my DC. I don't feel quite right unless they are all close by.

I'm genuinely surprised that almost everybody else finds parenting such drudgery.

No need to be nasty. I never said I was perfect. I never said my child was "mine". I have always worked FULL TIME, but I have a creative freelance job which allows me to work at home most of the time, so a bit of an odd setup. I'm just saying that I never felt time spent with DS as work I'd rather not do. And yes, most of the time I wanted to be with him rather than work or be with friends because he's just a short chapter in my life and already at 14 he has his own life. SO YES I enjoyed changing nappies, bathing him, reading to him, cooking and mashing food, clearing up after him. I had never done that for anyone and it was NEW. What's wrong with that?
Lynette exactly. At least I'm not alone.

same like Lynette and mars here. In fact I hate coming into these sorts of thread because god forbid you don't feel the same as everyone else.

What's wrong with it is coming to boast about it on a thread where a mother is struggling with her own feelings.

But you can enjoy parenting and not see it as drudgery without crying on the way to work every day because you miss your child.

I don't think crying because you miss them on the way to work and not spending any time away from them is any less dysfunctional than seeing parenting as a 'chore' you derive no joy from, tbh.

I love my children. Aspects of parenting I enjoy, others I don't. I don't see them as a chore or a 'job', but I do still enjoy time spent by myself being my own person.

It's a balance.

My favourite time of day is DS's bedtime!! I love the boy but he is hard work! I guess all the best things in life come with hard work attached!

I've not long had my first (and it will be my only) baby, and yes little DD is cute and I love her very much but at this age just a few months old she is boring and some days I just have to get out the house and hunt down some adults to talk to.

I think maybe as they get older and you can do stuff with them it gets better maybe, hopefully

Looking after DD is a walk in the park compared to the stressful job I will be going back too in a few months.

You can not feel the same without being a total dick about it. Coming on the thread to say " thats not normal, I did it all so much better than you" (and then adding in some lies about having them 24/7 for 14 years which you then admit was all bullshit)....is that helpful? Nope, its dickish.

Everything that LIttleTripToHeaven said, I echo. Balance.

OP your ds still sounds quite young. Many people struggle with the early years and then go on to really enjoy their dd as they get a little older and more independent. Having real conversations and going out without having to take everything bar the kitchen sink...yes, still plenty of chores and responsibility but more rewarding, too.

Try to avoid feeling bad about your self diagnosed failings and enjoy the good bits. I've got a feeling you will be someone who enjoys it more as your ds grows up a little.

DoinItFine nobody's boasting. The OP came here to ask if other people are feeling like she does. Turns out some do, some don't. She asked, I answered. People are different, feel different things and experience life in different ways. I said I didn't know that what she was feeling was normality. Now I know.
From not sharing the OP's feelings to being boastful or perfect, I don't know the connections you people do. Get rid of your hangups.

Standard.

I take annual leave when the kid is in school. No jots cared.

"Part time mum?" That's bullshit. She co-parents with her ex. She doesn't stop being a mother because he's at his dad's house.

I assume you don't have a partner? Or work?

user147 Where's the bullshit? When I said I had him 24/7 I meant I didn't time share, referring to the OP's situation. People who are not in a divorce situation have their DC 24/7, don't they?

I agree that it's absolutely normal to enjoy your own time away from your child. However, where I agree with mylife *is that I don't think it's at all normal to feel sad about the thought of your child returning after being away for a few days.

Does your child go to school? Because then you don't have them 24/7. School does.

She co-parents with her ex. She doesn't stop being a mother because he's at his dad's house.

FGS of course she does! But my sister is divorced and when her DD is away with father, my sis gets to travel, sleep in, go out, etc and live like an adult. It is an entirely different situation to having the kids with you and you know it.

You are very normal as is your situation! Many parents are in a similar situation and feel the same as you. Parenting is very hard so don't feel guilty!

Sorry mistyped. I meant she doesn't. She doesn't stop being a mother.