DH told me my new hair 'makes me look 40'

[TorquayHotelWindow]

This morning I left the house with long blonde hair. I had been feeling in need of a confidence boost and decided a good cut to the length and some fresh highlights would do me the world of good. Long blonde hair is 'my thing' and letting it go wasn't a small step for me. After a difficult first year adjusting to motherhood I felt like it was time to shed that part of my story and by cutting my hair it felt quite symbolic, helping me mentally make a fresh start.

So I got a lovely head of fresh highlights, and a really good cut. It's about chin length and shaped really nicely. Chic and polished is how I'd describe it. So, left the salon, felt great. Met DH to go shopping and as I was walking along ahead of him, I glanced round and clocked him looking at my hair with a hint of disdain on his face. I didn't say anything and brushed it off as it just being my imagination. Next thing, I hear 'you look about 40 from the back!' and something inside me died. I'm gutted. Now, I want to make it clear there is not a single thing bad or wrong with 'looking 40' (whatever the heck that is) however as a 28yo woman it's not the 'look' I'm trying to emulate, from the back or the front! In DH's defence he was probably meaning that my hair looks 'grown up' and didn't choose his words well but still...I felt tearful and gutted for the next few hours.

I still can't shake the words from my mind and just feel like its cast a downer on what I'd built up in my mind as part of the 'new me' positivity. He apologised, said it's lovely and was just joking, and now I'm wondering AIBU for reacting how I did? Am I being reasonable to care about what my DH thinks of my appearance or did I react like a silly, stroppy princess?

[FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty]

Gases ?!

Tastes autocorrect, TASTES!

[haveacupoftea]

How do you even look 40 from the back

[CotswoldStrife]

Ah yes, we all have our own gases ...

[spankhurst]

I've got my hair longish for the first time in my life at 46, and DH thoroughly approves. He told me the other day that I'd never really suited bobs because of my 'round face'. He never mentioned this in the 17 years I've had a bob, though.

[onlythedaze]

Feedme, that was what I meant but I've read my post and even I didn't understand it; sorry for any unintentional rudeness good night last night

[BillyDaveysDaughter]

I'm 44 and after a good 10 years with a shortish, chic style (my hair is very thick and frizzy, so long hair is high maintenance), I let it grow a bit longer. My dh looked appraisingly at me and said,

"I really like your hair that length. You look out of proportion with shorter hair because you have a head like a pea."

I had a pixie cut when we met 18 years ago.

[DiegeticMuch]

Chin length "polished" highlighted hair can be ageing TBH. Women with lovely long hair seem to plump for this sort of style when they hit their mid-thirties for some reason. Your husband was tactless though.

[FeedMeAndTellMeImPretty]

No not rude only and glad you had a fun Saturday night! I just think a lot of people see short hair as butch or lesbian, but this is probably precisely because those women aren't buying into the whole male gaze thing.

My DP, when he saw my new auburn hair colour a few weeks ago said it was ok as long as I wasn't going to get it cut short "like that lesbian over the road". The married-to-a-man 'lesbian' who happens to have short auburn hair and looks fabulous. Might cut it now just to prove that I can!

[ToastyFingers]

I kind of have the opposite problem.
After 10 or so years of funky short haircuts I am growing my hair long in an attempt to be a bit more mumsy.

Your dh was rude though, whether he intended to be or not, if it were me I'd be gutted.

A colleague once 'mistook' me for a much older member of staff when I had my hair cut into a bob.
It was just a passing comment but it left me feeling awful (I was 19, colleague was about 40) and I never had that haircut again :(

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

I did think, and I could be completely wrong, that one of the reasons some lesbians go for the shorter hairstyle is precisely because there is this perception that men find long hair feminine and attractive, and lesbians not only have no need to buy into this, but also probably would prefer to actively avoid unwanted male notice - so have hairstyles that wouldn't necessarily be seen as attractive to males (males who actually fit the stereotype of preferring long hair, of course, not all of them)

[FullTimeYummy]

Precious much? Jesus

I think you were a little optimistic thinking a drastic hair cut would change your life for the better. As it stands the haircut hasn't had the immediate effect you wanted, but that doesn't mean it never will.

Maybe consider basing your confidence on something less fickle?

[OzzieFem]

So I'm curious, just what does 40 look like from the back?

[2kids2dogsnosense]

I'm working with a young woman at the moment who has around bum length natural Red hair and I think it's stunning:-)

I'm sure it's lovely - but I'd be prepared to put money on her not having any children.

Hair like that is A Lot Of Work.

[Ta1kinpeece]

A friend of mine who is a "hair model" for shampoo adverts etc
has one teen and one toddler kid
heaven help the person who tells her that her hair style makes her look old

[Justaboy]

2kids2dogsnosense Yesss i did ask her how many evenings it took to wash but she says not that long which does seem odd?.

DD3 here can take an hour and a half in the shower most times;!

With just a medium shoulder mane!

[AnchorDownDeepBreath]

My hair doesn't require that much effort - it's expensive in shampoo and conditioner but it takes maybe half an hour to shower and properly wash/condition it, and then I tend to let it dry overnight. It would take two hours with a hairdryer. Costs a fair bit to get it cut, though, and I brush it a lot, especially if I've been running around.

Mind the hairdresser wanted to show a trainee how to trim long hair so tied it back. The salon is long and thin with five chairs looking at mirrors and enough room for the stylist to stand behind. I was at the chair nearest the door. Another customer got upset and ran out suddenly, knocked the hairdresser and he cut off most of the hair. He did apologise for using scissors as a marker but said it was habit and nothing had ever gone wrong before. They charged me for the cut, too!

[Dontpanicpyke]

Laughing at all the stylish highlighted and bobbed cuts for the 40 somethings.

Me and all my friends are 40/50 something and all have long hair in various degrees of stylishness.

Is one supposed to cut their hair at 40? Sod that.

[Daydream007]

He is insensitive! Your new hair sounds very chic and classy, I bet everyone else likes it!

[PeachMelba78]

Can we stop the lesbian generalisation please? I am gay and my friends and I have varying hairstyles and lengths. I myself have long hair which I style daily and trim regularly. I don't think about whether men like it, as long as I like it, and hopefully my wife although that is secondary.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

LumpySpacedPrincess

You are right violence is so funny

[KnitFastDieWarm]

^Yesterday 16:37 2kids2dogsnosense

I'm working with a young woman at the moment who has around bum length natural Red hair and I think it's stunning

I'm sure it's lovely - but I'd be prepared to put money on her not having any children.

Hair like that is A Lot Of Work.^

see i have hair between bra strap and waist length and i actually find it much easier to manage with a small child at this level then when it was shoulder length! i can dry it in a bun or plait overnight, it needs almost no styling to speak of beyond the odd trim and colour, both of which i can do myself. i suspect i'm just far too lazy for short hair

OP, if YOU like your hair that's the only thing that matters

[KnitFastDieWarm]

^
'scuse the appalling italics fail above

[HappydaysArehere]

My husband isn't keen on change. It takes him awhile. I am old and my once naturally well shaped eyebrows have taken on a somewhat wild look. I had them threaded and thought "great, what an improvement". Got home and was scrutinised. Husband's verdict " I don't like anyone messing with you".

[onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad]

Not wanting to hijack the thread but just have to say benused by the 'lesbians often have short hair' and the suggestion that 'lesbians have short hair to prevent unwanted male attention as only men find long hair feminine' posts. What's anyone's sexuality got to do with anything? It's really not helpful to lump a whole group of people together (based on sexuality, race, gender or anything else) and attribute (often untrue) characteristics to them. Lesbians are a mixture of many different types of people with differing characteristics and different tastes, just like heterosexuals are. I'm a lesbian married to a woman - I'm also very feminine and have long hair. My wife loves my femininity and my long hair.

[daisymai08]

Men absolutely love longer hair - I find it really strange but they 100% do, my DS is 10 and he's the same? Weird....my hair is really think and dark and looks so much better shorter as I can't maintain it long but nope the boys both like my hair long, fortunately I couldn't give a shit :)