DH told me my new hair 'makes me look 40'

[TorquayHotelWindow]

This morning I left the house with long blonde hair. I had been feeling in need of a confidence boost and decided a good cut to the length and some fresh highlights would do me the world of good. Long blonde hair is 'my thing' and letting it go wasn't a small step for me. After a difficult first year adjusting to motherhood I felt like it was time to shed that part of my story and by cutting my hair it felt quite symbolic, helping me mentally make a fresh start.

So I got a lovely head of fresh highlights, and a really good cut. It's about chin length and shaped really nicely. Chic and polished is how I'd describe it. So, left the salon, felt great. Met DH to go shopping and as I was walking along ahead of him, I glanced round and clocked him looking at my hair with a hint of disdain on his face. I didn't say anything and brushed it off as it just being my imagination. Next thing, I hear 'you look about 40 from the back!' and something inside me died. I'm gutted. Now, I want to make it clear there is not a single thing bad or wrong with 'looking 40' (whatever the heck that is) however as a 28yo woman it's not the 'look' I'm trying to emulate, from the back or the front! In DH's defence he was probably meaning that my hair looks 'grown up' and didn't choose his words well but still...I felt tearful and gutted for the next few hours.

I still can't shake the words from my mind and just feel like its cast a downer on what I'd built up in my mind as part of the 'new me' positivity. He apologised, said it's lovely and was just joking, and now I'm wondering AIBU for reacting how I did? Am I being reasonable to care about what my DH thinks of my appearance or did I react like a silly, stroppy princess?

[SpaceUnicorn]

A part of you 'died' because someone said that the back of your head possibly resembled that of someone 12 years older than you?

[PinkiePiesCupcakes]

Op....
You know what I would suggest?

Your OH should apologise and that apology should come in the form of a really nice night out, wine, dinner, dancing, cake. (Or whatever you'd prefer)

[phlebasconsidered]

All of my hair fall out when my thyroid died. All of it. Eyebrows, eyelashes, body hair, head hair. I had 4 years of varying amounts of bald.

And yet my dh who had met me with long, thick hair said nothing. Married me with barely 2mm of hair. Even now it will all fall out if I get a flare up so I keep it at what I call Servalan level.

Hair is just hair, it's not actually you. Very few women have to contend with baldness like I did / do and it's weirdly liberating. I cried rivers over losing hair, but equally I realised that I am not just my looks. I still contend with idiots being abusive and people not knowing what to say to me, but equally I've had women come up to me to say they love my hair.

Hair is hair. Both your partner and you need to attach less importance to it.

[Ta1kinpeece]

PS
most of my family have kept our hair long into old age, but we tend to wear it "up"
the thing of cutting hair at a certain age is so passee

[Wdigin2this]

TA1 I agree, I'm keeping my hair longish because a) I can't think of a shorter style I want, or haven't already tried, and b) because I can, and I don't give a tuppeny about whatever anyone else thinks!!!!!!

[NotAnotherUserName1234]

He sounds like a muppet

[2kids2dogsnosense]

phlebas I'm currently going through the "thyroid-baldness" Stupid gland . . .

There are much worse things that can happen - and as you rightly say, your hair is not you.

[iknowimcoming]

Over the last two weeks I've changed my hair from past shoulder length blonde hi lights to short red with gold streaks and I've gone from very thin metal framed specs to thickish plastic tortoiseshell ones (which look nearly black) my dh and kids are shocked but mostly like it and I'm claiming a mid-life crisis (45) . Yours sounds lovely op, it just needs some adjustment time I'm sure

[RedSoloCup]

My DH always hates it when I cut my hair off (also blonde and tend to grow it to about bra length or longer then get fed up and just chop the lot bob length) but then after a few days gets used to it and prefer it. Just don't think they can cope with change bless their little cottons

I'm sure it looks fab OP :-)

[captainfarrell]

Does he think you are his trophy wife? Sounds like it. Probably insecurity on his part in that he needs a long haired blonde next to him to justify his masculinity.

[Psychomumsucks]

A lot of these replies sound crazy.. posters would shave their partners hair off if they said anything other than how lovely it is, ok.. great to see opinions are allowed around you.

[phlebasconsidered]

2kids, good lipstick and some lovely scarves!

It is distressing when it all starts coming away. I keep it dead short now, I find it easier to see short hairs in the shower rather than long.

It gets better. Thyroids are crappy glands!

[Ackvavit]

I've ended up with the boringest , not a word I know, of boringest hair cuts ...because of my DH. I suit short sharp chic gamine. He met me with that hair... a long time ago....I did have great cheek bones eyes teeth etc....it's still not that bad but he made it clear about 5 years in he hated that look. Think Annie Lennox 1985. I now have as daring as it goes graduated bob, which is quite an easy and acceptable cut ...but I could be 70 and I'm not...but it's hair so it can change. Men!!

[Sillybillybonker]

Judging by my 15 year old son's comments, long hair on girls is the thing these days. I don't get it- I think a lot of girls look like straggly haired clones. I vote for a sassy bob. Its all personal taste though. I bet you OH really regrets what he said - I hope you made him feel guilty!!!!

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

I think one person said that Psycho, and it was obvious it was a joke.

[LumpySpacedPrincess]

Why are so many men controlling their partners hair style choices?

[RavenclawRemedials]

I have tried to grow my hair long 3 times in my life. I can't manage or handle long hair. I walk into things because I can't see round myself with hair round my face. It takes hours to wash and dry. I reduce myself to tears because of the pain when the fine hairs at the nape of my neck get pulled in the hairbands (it feels like a bloody waxing session). I have my hair in a pixie cut because it feels like me, and I'm praying for pixie cuts to come properly back into fashion again - young person fashion, not old-ladies-and-butch-lesbian-stereotype fashion. If my DH told me I needed to grow my hair, I'd tell him to get a chest wax. Skin tags and all.

(Luckily for him and me, he likes short hair on women).

[DamePastel]

Geez, love the way he uses looking forty as an insult. Long blonde hair is long blonde hair fgs.

[Jinxxx]

I have long hair but wear it up most of the time. I feel long hair gives me more options. One time I had about half of it cut off and asked my DH what he thought and after a few moments of puzzlement he said "lovely dress". So I don't now worry too much whether he approves my hairstyles.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

phleba

Already invested in scarves and will take your advice about lipstick.

I'm trying to get a hair appointment to get it cut really short - earliest I can get booked at my usual places 12th November . Am going to try a different hairdresser next week - intend to get some recommendations from beautifully-coiffed ladies in church tomorrow, as I don't want to wait nearly a month.

Failing that, mens' barber and a number 2 cut (i've had that before when I was younger - I loved it, actually)

[60sname]

Dame wouldn't you be insulted to have an aspect of you described as looking 12 years older than you are?

[2kids2dogsnosense]

Geez, love the way he uses looking forty as an insult.

[Chocness]

In my experience blokes don't get the symbolism of a new look therefore whatever they say, it's often going to be 'inappropriate'. This new cut and colour is understandably really important to you which probably makes his response even more the upsetting. Hopefully you can have a good chat so he can understand this and apologise for his insensitive comment. If not then I'd classify him as a twat to not at least try and understand the significance of your new do (which sounds lovely by the way)

[steff13]

gubby how did you resist telling him you were surprised, too, since his dick is so small? Ugh, just horrible.

I don't get it- I think a lot of girls look like straggly haired clones.

Many people seem to think that if they're growing their hair long, they should just let it grow; they don't keep it trimmed or anything. It tends to look awful and dead and gross at the ends if they don't keep it maintained.

[2kids2dogsnosense]

asked my DH what he thought and after a few moments of puzzlement he said "lovely dress"

Reminds me of the Les Dawson joke where he said his wife came in and claimed he never took any notice of her.

Les: Rubbish! Of course I take notice.

Wife: Alright, then! What's different about me today?

Les: You've had your hair done

Wife: No

Les: You've got a new dress

Wife: No

Les: Those are different ear-rings

Wife: No

Les" Okay - I give up. What is it?

Wife: I'm wearing a gas mask.


(The old 'uns are the good 'uns. )