To ask DH to change day out

[BonitaApplebaum]

Nc'd for this as very outing

MIL has terminal brain tumours, currently at her home but has only months left, she's unsteady on her feet, repetitive and has occasional seizures but otherwise ok.

She volunteers at a large central London tourist attraction and wants DH and her to go with 3 DCs during half term.

I have asked him not to, and instead wait until another adult can go (I can't get the day off work to go too early), as:

• she will be in a wheelchair
• they will have to get cab, train, bus/cab either way, a good hour and a half in either direction

-if she gets taken ill (which could happen, her seizures are not totally controlled) he will have to send her off in ambulance alone, to a hospital a good 1.5 hours away from her/our homes

• She will also not manage more than a couple of hours as she tires so easily now

I have suggested instead they go to one of myriad local attractions he can drive directly to/from that is nearer her house/hospital/hospice/husband if she dies get taken ill, that will be less intense then we find another weekend we can all go to 'her' place so I can be in charge of DCs and he his mum.

So, AIBU?

DCs are 11, 9, 7

If she rarely asks to see him then asking for this must be a big deal. Could your husband take a friend along?

YABU regarding mil

YABU to have the thread pulled because you did not get the responses you wanted.

You've had a hard time on this thread OP, mainly due to the apparent breaking of taboo around 'mother'. People who haven't had to deal with a true narc usually react this way, so try not to take it personally.

Or just an insensitive arse perhaps? OP has capitulated, why are you now posting that, Skipping? You have no idea whether OP's MIL is a 'narc' - a true one or otherwise. Many if not all of us have dealt with self-absorbed and selfish people though... does that count or is it only this 'label' that holds any water for you?

YABU - cabs will only take 5 people so if you end up taking another adult you'd need 2 acbs anyway. Your kids are old enough to do as they are told and to help.

I think YABU - 11, 9 and 7 are plenty old enough to be self sufficient (to an extent...with 11 year old helping the 7 year old maybe) on a day out.

If they were a lot younger, or there was a toddler in there then i'd agree.

YABU why the hell would you interfere with something a terminally ill woman wants to do with her family? It's hardly a dangerous thing just a day out? You sound INCREDIBLY controlling.

You obviously dislike her and are trying to put the spoke in. You are coming across as monumentally spiteful and pretty nasty. Your DH will remember all this after his mother has passed on.

Sorry, but your opinion is completely irrelevant and you don't get to have a say. Doesn't matter what she has done over the years, she is his mother and he is dying. It is nothing to do with you. They want to go to an attraction together, why should they have to wait because YOU say so? A week is a long time, anything could happen.

Even if something does happen, so what? Your kids are hardly toddlers and it's not like they wouldn't be able to jump in a cab to follow the ambulance to the hospital, is it?

*she is dying.

To be frank she'll be dead soon and your kids are older enough to understand. Yabu

YABU in so many levels OP. Some of the things you have said about your MIL are disgusting.

Probably the vileist post I've ever read & then getting the thread pulled, when you realise you are clearly being spiteful, vindictive & nasty and in a minority of one....

Just staggered by your lack of compassion & judgement