To ask DH to change day out

[BonitaApplebaum]

Nc'd for this as very outing

MIL has terminal brain tumours, currently at her home but has only months left, she's unsteady on her feet, repetitive and has occasional seizures but otherwise ok.

She volunteers at a large central London tourist attraction and wants DH and her to go with 3 DCs during half term.

I have asked him not to, and instead wait until another adult can go (I can't get the day off work to go too early), as:

• she will be in a wheelchair
  
• they will have to get cab, train, bus/cab either way, a good hour and a half in either direction
  

-if she gets taken ill (which could happen, her seizures are not totally controlled) he will have to send her off in ambulance alone, to a hospital a good 1.5 hours away from her/our homes

• She will also not manage more than a couple of hours as she tires so easily now
  

I have suggested instead they go to one of myriad local attractions he can drive directly to/from that is nearer her house/hospital/hospice/husband if she dies get taken ill, that will be less intense then we find another weekend we can all go to 'her' place so I can be in charge of DCs and he his mum.

So, AIBU?

DCs are 11, 9, 7

[Pumpkinpie71]

Slagging off a terminally ill women with a few months to live if she's lucky. Classy OP really classy!

I just hope your aren't going to be cold with your DH when his grieving for his mother

[Meadows76]

I think you have no right to demand you are there anyway. Why would you have a problem with him taking his mum somewhere? Very U

[ilovesooty]

So you don't like her. That's still not a reason to deny her a day out with her son and grandchildren.

[Bruce02]

Yabu. Massively so.

You don't like her, clearly and that colouring your view.

[Eatthecake]

Yabu.

Let them go. The women is dying let her have the day with her ds and grandchildren.

Whatever you think of her, she is the only mother your DH has and his losing her. Pretty soon she will have died and he will be grieving, I hope your be able to stop him instead of slagging off his dead mother

Why bother posting in AIBU if you won't listen anyway as our don't like her and that's the end of it

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Yabu.

She's living her last few months. She may deteriorate quickly. And the children aren't babies.

[Fairenuff]

Just support your dh OP in whatever way you can. This is a difficult time for him, don't make it harder.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Why are you even asking when there's not a snowball's chance in hell that you will step back and re-think this? You're being selfish. I don't know any grandparent that doesn't want to 'show off' their grandchildren to people.

This is your husband's call as its HIS mother and it would be HIS inconvenience if she's hospitalised elsewhere as a result.

... and I always think that it takes a 'narc' to know one. I don't know when this amateur diagnostics became a 'thing' but it's annoying.

[BonitaApplebaum]

It us genuine concern, every time that MIL and her DH have taken the kids to this place before when she was well they have lost at least one child, this is a very big and busy place. I just don't see how one adult can manage.

Clearly IABU so I'll leave it to DHs judgement, if the boot was on the other foot however I would much rather have an additional adult with me

[OnionKnight]

YABU and stop slagging her off, it makes you look like a twat.

[Butterproperbutter]

Yabu

It should be up to your DH to decide anyway not you!

Your DH is losing his Mother in the very near future and when that happens he will need support with his grief, I just hope you can do that instead of slag her off to him.

[Meadows76]

Narcissist = most overused (incorrectly) word on netmums. Normally used by a poster to justify their ridiculous intentions and ideas.

[ILookLikeMyDog]

But if you're concerned about your DC being lost then it's your DC who you need to speak to and deal with. I have three younger than yours and I've never lost one.

[Bruce02]

Ah so now it's because they always lose a child?

Funny how that wasn't important enough to include in the op

[Givemecoffee63]

Yabu.

I think really it's your DH decision to make anyway TBH. If you had 3 toddlers I could maybe understand your concern but your children are 11,9,7 so o don't see the concern you have.

Maybe she does what to show her granchildren off, but she's fucking dying so I'd allow it.

Also don't slag off a dying women op, just makes you look bad.

When she does die, please offer your DH support. Whatever you think of your mil she is his mother and the only mother he will ever have so don't slag her off to him

[HaveNoSocks]

It doesn't sound like your decision at all really. Your DH presumably knows about his DMs health and knows his own children and whether or not he can manage them on a day out. Whether or not your MiL has been a nice person or not up until now shouldn't come into it. This is the time to be a decent person, bury your bad relationship with your MiL, don't turn this day out into a power struggle between the two of you.

[Coffeeiloveyou]

Yabu

It's your DH decision anyway,

Your DC are little, the 11 &9 year old she Absouletly know by now NOT to walk off, so it's only really keeping a bit more watch on the 7 year old and even they should really understand not to walk off.

Maybe she does want to show the grandchildren off but you know what she's dying and won't get many chances to do so will she. So I see no problem with that

Don't slag off a dying women, it just makes you look awful

As other posters of said when she does die please remember whatever you think of her your DH will hurt because she's his Mum and he will grieve and need support. Please offer that, don't slag her off to him

[BonitaApplebaum]

Of course I don't share my feelings about MIL with DH, in fact if it wasn't for me he would barely see her.

They have a very odd dynamic/relationship. She is an amazing woman but not maternal in any ways, DH has been hurt hugely by her and just doesnt understand how families work. For much of his childhood it was just him and her.

I suggest he visits her weekly etc else he wouldn't see her, it has become apparent from other family members she would like to see him more but never asks and it just doesn't occur to him to see her,it really is odd.

I am sorry if I have come across badly, I am really upset by your responses and the way ai have put the whole thing across. Even though I have ncd this is v identifying so Im going to ask for this thread to be deleted but Ive heeded your advice and will leave DH to it

[Mummytojane]

Yabu.

It's your DH call anyway I think, he decides

Don't slag off a dying women, online or in real life you just make yourself look awful

[ilovesooty]

If you name changed for this thread (and it's pretty obvious why) I think you're wanting it deleted because you didn't get the answers you wanted

[mumeeee]

YABU. Let them go. You said that it was your MIL and her DH who has lost a child when they took them. It's your DH so their Father going with them this time and presumably your DC are older.
Your DH will be fine and so will your DCs. It might be the last time they can go on a outing with their Grandmother

[Mumofone5]

You were of course being unreasonable

I see from your update you will leave the decision up to your DH which I think is absolutely the right thing.

Regardless of your feeling for mil, she is still his mum and your children grandmother and she is dying so I think now is the time to let go of them feeling you have towards her

[Bruce02]

It's funny how many people who are told they are being unreasonable ask for threads to be deleted due to them being too identifiable.

And yet they had no issue posting it in the first place