Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to let dd go vegan (at least partly)?

132 replies

marvelousdcomics · 22/10/2016 07:51

DD is 14 and wants to go vegan. She has presented me with facts, statistics etc. She wants to do it for her health, animal cruelty and the environment. Due to her past EDs (anorexia, bulimia & binge eating) I've said as long as she doesn't start cutting her calories ir anything, we'll see how it goes. DP is completely opposed to it, however. He says we need meat & dairy etc. Should I let her? I was going to insist on including fish occasionally but DP is even against that. WWYD?

OP posts:

lljkk · 22/10/2016 10:36

Don't make vegan part of the ED, I wouldn't oppose vegan but I would want to see decent amounts going in.

YelloDraw · 22/10/2016 10:41

Past EDs? You know this is just a more 'socially' acceptable way to control her diet and provide a way for her to refuse to eat in certain places and to eat certain things.

So many ex anorexics use 'gluten free' 'clean eating' etc as a way to continue their control of food.

YelloDraw · 22/10/2016 10:42

BTW I am very pro-vegan just not strong enough ethically to consistently eat vegan myself. So to be clear it is her history of EDs that concerns me.

MarianneSolong · 22/10/2016 10:43

My daughter talks quite a bit about being vegan. But she's off at university. Mainly she cooks herself vegan food but is more flexible when eating with others.

When she's at home we eat a lot of vegetarian/vegan foods - we do that anyway.

I tend to have dealt with it by saying, 'Well let's move in that general direction.' If we eat less meat it's better for the planet. Also let's find some really good recipes that don't involve meat or dairy products and try those.'

And the chicken we buy is free range. It'd also be possible to look at how fish is sourced.

Obviously that's not going to please those who have very very strong views and want to do things in an absolute fashion. But it works for us.

Topseyt · 22/10/2016 13:59

My DD3 wants to be largely vegan, and we do largely manage it.

I don't have any experience of eating disorders but I can see why it would make you wary.

I would still say work with your DD though, not against her (not saying you are doing that, by the way). I say that because I am firmly of the opinion that you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

She will ultimately control what goes into her mouth, and experience tells me that it is better not to turn mealtimes into a battle ground, whether the child is a toddler or a teenager.

I look back on all of the years I spent trying to get my DD to eat any vegetables at all as a baby and toddler. She favoured meat and nothing else then. Now, at 14, she eats no meat and masses of vegetables, rice, nuts, fruit etc. She now wonders out loud why she used to dislike them so much and I realise that the wheel really has come full circle.

Good luck with it.

Sparklesilverglitter · 22/10/2016 14:03

I think I would but I would be keeping a very close eye on her calorie intake.

I can see why your DH is against it. With the previous eating disorders is this just another way of her controlling her food intake?

yellowcirclegreencircle71 · 22/10/2016 14:06

I'd let her BUT I would be making sure enough food goes in. You will need to keep a close eye on her calorie and nutritional intake

Do you own research in to a vegan diet as well op? And have a read up on getting enough food etc

I can see why your DH is against it. I would also worry that after her previous eating disorders this was another way of her controlling/restricting her food so I think you need to be careful

RubberDuck · 22/10/2016 14:06

Marvelousdcomics: Have you had a look at The Vegetarian Society? www.vegsoc.org

They have loads of fact sheets, recipes and even a cooking school. You could probably contact them to see what they advise in your DD's situation and ways you can support her.

Topseyt · 22/10/2016 14:11

Also, my DH would be very like your DP in uttering the sweeping statements about meat and dairy being totally necessary, but it is because he is clueless about cooking and food in general.

I am in charge of the shopping and in the kitchen (I prefer it that way). I still do meat for those who want it but will often eat the veggie/vegan meal with DD3.

CMOTDibbler · 22/10/2016 14:16

I've known a few people with EDs who have used being veggie/vegan as a cover for reducing their food intake and additionally as enabling them to 'acceptably' massively control their food in general. Being vegan especially excuses not eating in all sorts of situations - breakfast on the run 'oh, nothing I could have'. Lunch 'only milk based spreads in the sarnies, could only get a plain salad' and so on. No casual cakes, biscuits, pizza/McD/chips with friends and so on.

abeandhalo · 22/10/2016 14:26

I agree w/ other posters ref talking to GP. I seem to recall when my friend was recovering from anorexia they strongly deterred her from vegetarianism b/c they don't recommend any restricted diet. It can trigger past behaviours.

But if her GP thinks she's in a good place then providing she's not a fussy eater I think it could be great. When I first when veggie at 14/15 I didn't eat everything, and that made it v difficult. If there's only one thing on the menu you can eat, you can't really say 'well I don't really like mushrooms' etc, you haven't got a choice!

Make sure she keeps her vitamin C in take up, or she won't be able to absorb iron well even if she's eating bucket fulls of leafy greens daily! And also, I became B12 deficient, so providing Marmite is vegan she should eat lots of that!

WhereYouLeftIt · 22/10/2016 14:27

"Her reasons are mostly to do with the environment"
Her stated reasons, you mean. I would be concerned that this is another eating disorder - orthorexia.

Quornflakes · 22/10/2016 15:15

Don't know anything about EDs but I can't imagine how you would force a 14yo to eat fish or meat.

Went veggie 25 years ago and then vegan at least 20 years now. Mainly for ethical reasons. My teenagers have been vegan their whole lives, their choice as much as its obviously influenced by me. I can say its perfectly healthy and have never had a problem eating a balanced diet, with no supplements.

If anything anecdotally I would say my DC are healthier than most teens, they don't seem to catch the bugs that go around, don't like chocolate and fizzy drinks and are pretty clever ...

All those 'meat' replacements are silly in that, why copy something that represents 'cruel' practises. However they are NOT cruel, they help people transition, are handy when you dont have time to cook a meal from scratch, useful to give to meat eaters who are 'weird' about meat and don't consider it a meal unless it has meat in it, they are very helpful to other people catering for veggies/vegans, they enables the mass production of veggie foods and several more reasons but you get the point.

If your DC does eat a healthy vegan diet it could help them over come their ED as it could give them a normal relationship with food. So give your DP a kick up the ass and support your DC.

ivykaty44 · 22/10/2016 15:42

Ask your dh if he knows mike Tyson is a vegan?

Go and Google vegan just because people choose to eat dairy and milk doesn't make them healthier or better than people who don't eat these products

JellyBelli · 22/10/2016 15:58

Does she has unlimited internet access, and do you know what is she looking at online? Because this is not a good idea for someone with an ED.
Veganism is not a normal relationship with food or other people. If you agree to this she has to agree to a) eat healthily and b) continue counselling for her ED.

SaucyJack · 22/10/2016 16:28

Mike Tyson isn't much of an advert for veganism.....

Maybe he's hangry. Might explain a lot.

ChuckBiscuits · 22/10/2016 16:32

for vegan quorn foods look for the chicken like pieces and vegan nuggets and fillets

Quorn is not vegan for a start.

Sparklesilverglitter · 22/10/2016 16:34

chuck They do a vegan quorn now

www.waitrose.com/shop/DisplayProductFlyout?productId=459625

Original poster

marvelousdcomics · 22/10/2016 16:39

Thank you everyone. She is still under counselling for her EDs, is under CAMHS. She does have a better attitude towards food now. She's been veggie in the past but gave up after about half a year. I think I'll let her try, but if I see anything going on then I'll tell her that she needs to change it. I may do it with her too. I am very well informed on veganism but i also wanted dd to research it on her own.

Re internet access, she gets an hour a day screen time - monitored.

Quornflakes could you give me any examples of what they eat in a daily basis? They sound great kids

OP posts:

Quornflakes · 22/10/2016 17:06

Yea Tyson isn't a great example, Venus Williams much better.

Veganism is not a normal relationship with food
Umm average no, but it is definitely a better relationship than most humans have with meat. Anyone having veal for dinner?

SuburbanRhonda · 22/10/2016 18:05

Veganism is not a normal relationship with food

What an ignorant statement.

Quornflakes · 22/10/2016 18:07

any examples of what they eat in a daily basis
That's a big question so and probably more boring than you are expecting
... a boring school day

Breakfast is usually cereals/porridge etc (obviously soya milk), toast, fresh fruit & juice
Packed school lunch, sandwich/wrap/Indian finger food/home made pasta pot +drink+ a treat+fruit+ alpro yogurt, looks pretty much the same as non vegan lunch boxes. Got into habit of including treat so no one, including DC, thought vegans had some horrible frugal joyless diet but they have such a low tolerance of sugar they arent bothered with 'sugary' treats. Probably a result of years without lots of high sugar processed foods.

Fruit/smoothie/drink/muffin even vegan cheese on toast (we hardly ever use the word vegan though) as snack after school.
Dinner, I usually cook a big nutrient packed meal so over time they get everything needed You can put anything in curries, pasta dishes, risottos, mexican, soups (more like stews). Occasionally pizza, pie and mash, burgers, .... etc. You dont need to be a fancy or even good cook, just add in different walnuts/almonds to a risotto, yeast extract to a stew, linseed/flaxseed to a pasta dish, avocado to a burger, tofu to a curry, herbs to a pizza, fresh vegetables/beans/legumes with everything.

Then if still room for supper, apple pie/ sorbet/ banana split, whatever fruit is left or just some Bombay mix lol

Original poster

marvelousdcomics · 22/10/2016 18:10

Thank you for that DD eats largely vegan already so I don't think (if she went ahead with it) the transition would be hard. Thank you everyone so far

OP posts:

Albadross · 22/10/2016 18:29

I have anorexia and recently went vegan (12 months ago). My doctor has already decided that it's too restrictive and although I admit at the start it was an easier way not to go crazy in recovery, I actually eat far more balanced and healthy meals as a vegan, and as pp have said as long as you keep as much variety and supplement where needed, you can get everything you need. Unfortunately doctors tend to have a bit of a negative view of veganism, which is not based in anything tangible. The coconut milk I drink actually contains more calcium than the whole cow's milk my DH uses.

As long as you make sure she isn't being restrictive in terms of calories, and has done the research (as should everyone, on ANY diet), it'll likely be a good way for her to cope with eating without resorting to old behaviours.

JoJoSM2 · 22/10/2016 18:35

Sorry, I've only read some of the posts. I think it might be anorexia coming back. Gradually, she might start excluding more and more foods until she's barely eating at all. I also think that it's a bad idea as it's impossible to have a balanced diet as a vegan. A lactovegetarian diet is the bare minimum.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6