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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd go vegan (at least partly)?

132 replies

marvelousdcomics · 22/10/2016 07:51

DD is 14 and wants to go vegan. She has presented me with facts, statistics etc. She wants to do it for her health, animal cruelty and the environment. Due to her past EDs (anorexia, bulimia & binge eating) I've said as long as she doesn't start cutting her calories ir anything, we'll see how it goes. DP is completely opposed to it, however. He says we need meat & dairy etc. Should I let her? I was going to insist on including fish occasionally but DP is even against that. WWYD?

OP posts:
Original poster
marvelousdcomics · 22/10/2016 08:56

User, she wouldn't do vegetarianism. She despises cheese and milk isn't her favourite. I think that's the reason I insisted on fish - her body is probably already damaged so she cant be doing with cutting out most things. I am going to have a long long think about it. Her reasons are mostly to do with the environment, so she may compromise on fish, some white meats. Thank you

OP posts:
FannyCabbage · 22/10/2016 08:58

OP, I'm vegetarian and don't eat dairy and and hardly eat eggs. DD2 is 14 months and has the same diet, more eggs though. We eat really well and therefore feel much better than OH who eats crap. If she's researched it, is passionate, and is serious, let her do it - she'll probably do it anyway so you might as well support her. Get some recipe books, do some meal planning, get involved and it will be great for your relationship too. A vegan diet can be so healthy for you and plant based eating does not mean no fats or protein x

PineappleExpress · 22/10/2016 09:05

Being vegan is great, if you do it properly and don't just get excited by all the accidentally vegan junk food you can get!
I've lost over 3 stone since May (had it to lose) and I eat loads of junk and normal food.
It does take some work because so many things that should be vegan have things like milk powder/whey protein in them, so you have to read labels on everything, and you do have to try a lot harder to get a good balance of everything, but it sounds like she has done her research and knows what she is doing.
I switched for the cruelty free/ethical side of it, and if anybody tried to force me to eat any animal products, I would probably cry and be sick and I'm 30, so please don't try to make her eat stuff she doesn't want to. There are plenty of other good sources of protein out there. I'm rubbish at eating healthily, and I've recently had blood teas and docs say there is absolutely nothing wrong with my diet, and it isn't making me deficient in anything.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/10/2016 09:06

nataleejah

Surely you realise that the appearance of the mock duck is to indicate which meat product it can replace to make it easier for buyers to know how to use it?

You remind me of a colleague who objected to people eating veggie burgers because "why would a vegetarian want to eat something that looked like an animal product?" She couldn't say which part of an animal was burger-shaped, however Grin

charliethebear · 22/10/2016 09:11

I would be very very careful if she has a history of EDs. Veganism is often presented on youtube and things as the ideal healthy diet that allows you to eat whatever you want and be super slim. Theres a huge amount of "ex-ed" sufferers on youtube who are vegan and are quite clearly still suffering but can quite forcefull present their ed ideas if that makes sense?
Obviously you cant force her to eat anything but make sure you keep a close eye on her and check she's doing it for the right reasons, not health or weightloss.

Nataleejah · 22/10/2016 09:22

SuburbanRhonda

I have the same opinion on alcohol-free beer, or blow-up sex dolls Grin

FFSenoughofthis · 22/10/2016 09:28

Veganism would be excellent for your high blood sugar OP. I've no experience with eating disorders, but had parents that strongly opposed to me going veggie at a similar age and made me eat horrible stuff! It was out of concern (my dad over a decade later doesn't understand how I've not dropped dead from being vegan), but really wasn't appreciated!

Could you get her to meal plan so you can guarantee she's getting a wide range of foods and nutrients? My two are younger and want to go veggie, but I've told them there's not a chance til they start eating a better range of foods. Feeding them nuggets and chips for practically every meal is soul destroying, but I'm picking my battles ;)

FFSenoughofthis · 22/10/2016 09:31

Foroot to say, if done properly, vegans are usually far more healthy than omnivores as they think more about what they're eating and balancing their diets! Obviously there qre others that live off frozen/premade foods, but I've find I'm so muxh healthier now!

Captainladder · 22/10/2016 09:37

I think your support would be more helpful with any ED than forcing her to eat what she doesn't want to. We are all veggie in our household, and it hasn't affected the kiddies.... I'd go with it and just keep an eye on her.

Elphame · 22/10/2016 09:48

I'd suggest she starts with vegetarianism. She's still growing and whilst a vegan diet can provide all you need it's much harder to ensure that all food groups are covered.

If you can get her to eat a free range organic egg every day ( ideally from a source you know) you'll cover off any gaps in the vegetable based proteins while satisfying the cruelty free requirement.

I'm vegetarian for ethical reasons too.

I don't understand the various fake meat products sold to veggies and vegans though - they are so heavily processed and that is something I try and avoid.

Twogoats · 22/10/2016 09:53

OP, I turned vegetarian at 8 on my own free will.

I was determined to stick with it, which I did, nothing could have ever made me eat meat again. My Mum let me write my own shopping list (within reason) to make sure I was getting all my nutirents. She also made more veggie meals at home. One thing she did insist on was vegetarian vitamins, which I agreed to.

frikadela01 · 22/10/2016 09:54

Obviously you can't stop her eating what she likes however I'd be keeping a very very close eye on her.

The fact she's written lists and has done a lot of research would be raising a few red flags with me. Nothing wrong with research obviously but people with eating disorders have a tendency towards obsession.

Meadows76 · 22/10/2016 10:00

I would go with it, simply because any other option will be fighting against her and more likely to cause problems. A vegan diet can be by good, she has done her research, probably because she was expecting you to say no and wanted to be prepared. If she is going to fall in terms of ED the it's going to happen regardless of a vegan diet so I would say, be on side, support her. Don't make it a fight, stay close and that way you are by her side if things start to go off course.

SuburbanRhonda · 22/10/2016 10:04

nataleejah

Avoid alcohol-free beers and blow-up dolls by all means - that's entirely up to you.

I'm just puzzled as to why you care so much about what other people eat.

YorkieDorkie · 22/10/2016 10:05

There is absolutely nothing wrong with veganism - I wish I could do it but I don't have the strength and I know I would quit.

If she were my DD, I would speak to the GP as PP have suggested it could be a way to control her eating. I also agree with the cookbooks. What about seeking the help of a nutritionalist?

If YOU are not in the know about veganism then it would be awful if DD started saying "oh well I can't have that" and you are none the wiser. She's then totally in control and old habits die hard.

mudandmayhem01 · 22/10/2016 10:07

Again red flags, I know a lot of young female athletes and unfortunately have come across many with ED. A sudden interest in veganism, sugar free, wheat free diets or increased training volume can all be completely legitimate or a real cause of concern. ED,sport and restricted diets ( nothing wrong with veganism in itself) can be a dangerous combination.

FluffyFluffster · 22/10/2016 10:11

Is there a possibility she wants to be 'trendy'? Regardless, you can't insist she eats fish if she wants to be vegan. Perhaps suggest an interim compromise of pescatarian and see how it goes for a while. Not eating cheese and milk doesn't mean she needs to be vegan.

Waanderlust · 22/10/2016 10:16

I'm unsure why everyone is so obsessed with protein. I don't think many people realise that the recommended daily intake is just 46g (for a grown woman).

She may need to get b12 shots but that's about it.

Being vegan is easy. Tesco have a great range of food.

And to whoever said why eat the fake substitutes? Erm... So it makes the transition easier.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/10/2016 10:19

Nataleejah my family are vegetarian because we don't want to eat products resulting from the death of an animal. Quorn bacon, sausage etc has no such issues. The duck product you used as an example is amazing in a curry. No animals were harmed in the production process, therefore I have no ethical issues with it.
I like the taste, so I eat it. Really can't see the issue.

Waanderlust · 22/10/2016 10:22

MoreCrackThanHarlem you do know dairy farming causes a lot of harm to animals.

Not having a go or being superior. It's just you seem to have good ethics so just wondered

itsbetterthanabox · 22/10/2016 10:23

Nataljeeh
The problem with meat is the cruelty.
So even if a product looks like meat but if it isn't meat it isn't cruel. It's that simple.
Also the mock duck looks nothing like real duck. It's seitan (wheat gluten) and has been around for a long time not just as a meat substitute.
Op I think support your daughter. Shop together and make sure you still make big hearty vegan meals. She doesn't need to eat any less calories because she's not eating meat or dairy.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/10/2016 10:28

Waanderlust I absolutely do. Which is why I'm reading this....

to let dd go vegan (at least partly)?
Elphame · 22/10/2016 10:28

I'm unsure why everyone is so obsessed with protein. I don't think many people realise that the recommended daily intake is just 46g (for a grown woman)

She's still growing and developing so needs more protein than an adult. Most vegetable proteins are actually "incomplete" and miss some essential amino acids. You can get all you need if you know how to balance and mix grains and vegetables but the quickest and easiest way is to include a very small amount of animal protein - either meat or dairy or eggs

Confusednotcom · 22/10/2016 10:28

I think you have to support your DD and do all you can to make sure she's getting the right foods e.g. Always having what she needs in the fridge/cupboard. The China Study is a good book supporting veganism and might make you feel more confident she's making a good choice. The ED thing is a worry, but at 14 there's no way you could sit at dinner and say "you MUST eat your salmon" when she's read up on salmon farming for example.

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 22/10/2016 10:30

There is lots of literature available from PETA and Animal Aid about veganism. All free and with tons of good recipe ideas and info about nutrition.