'It might not have been rape, she might have had sex and regretted it afterwards'

[BravoHopeful]

This statement makes no sense. If you had consensual sex and the next day regretted it, why on earth would you go through the whole horrible experience of reporting it to the police and everything that follows? You would just move on and put it behind you.

It's always trotted out as a likely explanation in 'date rape' type cases. But it makes no sense whatsoever. AIBU?

I appreciate your comment, slender, and FWIW I don't think you would blame me for what happened but there are plenty who would!

The problem is this idea of "acting responsibly" korma. That's victim blaming. The victim of a rape does not bear any of the responsibility. It's quite easy. That's why you're getting the reaction you're getting, it's deeply offensive to imply that rape victims could have and should have prevented their rapes.

And also apparently that you are fine with it if the only evidence aside of he/said she said was sexual history of the victim and the jurors were allowed to use rape myths to reach a verdict. Because women can stop it if they want to really, can't they, so who gives a fuck? It's all about the lofty ideals of "Justice". I've news for you. That isn't justice.

Pink that's horrible. So sorry that happened to you.

"What does it say about a man, that he'll pump away into a woman who is lying motionless and inert? At the very least it's obvious that he does not care at all about her enjoyment."

Mostly - some women prefer to be passive or are inhibited.

But in the context of a one night stand or first time sex, surely you would think the man would take the time to check? Not just assume?

Yes some women prefer to be passive. I don't think that should be the default assumption. I think men need to check. The reason that they don't, I believe in many cases, is that they don't want the answer.

Pinky what a terrible experience. I hope that at least one person reads that and think twice about their views.

Fwiw it wouldn't enter my head to blame you one bit. What people don't see is that when they DO blame so called 'promiscuous' women, it still hurts.

It's a bit like when people say "I'm not racist but..." or, "I don't mean you, just all the others".

You're right though it's absolutely pitiful that women are just falling over themselves to try to find reasons to defend rapists.

Acting responsibly doesn't make you a victim, nor does it make you responsible for being a victim.

Actually, the more I think about it, the more angry I'm getting about that stupid "but some women like to be passive" comment a few posts back.

Some women like rough sex. Does that mean any man can slap a woman around a bit without asking, because she might like it rough?

Some women like anal sex. Does that mean any man can shove his dick up a woman's arse without asking, because she might like anal?

Some women are TTC. Does that mean any man can go without a condom without asking, because she might want a baby?

Some women like threesomes. Does that mean any man can let himself into a darkened hotel room and swap places with his mate while taking the woman from behind, without even speaking to her during the whole encounter?

What the hell is wrong with all you rape apologists? Why don't you get the basic idea that the woman should be asked what she actually likes and wants to do?

Mostly - some women prefer to be passive or are inhibited.

What's your point?

Mostly the some women like to be passive comment is one of the most fucking ridiculous statements on this thread.

For all of the reasons you said.

Maybe some women like to be raped. Would that stand up in court? Sorry judge my exes all liked it, I didn't think to check.

What is "acting responsibly" then korma? And who gets to decide? You seem to have quite a blind spot. If there is an arbitrary standard beyond which women's behaviour is irresponsible, you are implying rape victims are to blame if they didn't "act responsibly".

"What's your point? confused"

I would think it was obvious. I don't have Mostly's full comment in front of me now, but it was in reply to that.

There's quite some competition for "most fucking ridiculous statement on the thread", to be fair.

"
Maybe some women like to be raped."

That's impossible, by definition.

Venus I already asked korma what being responsible meant.

Whether it was not going to hotels with men, not walking alone at night, not wearing a short skirt.

" I don't think that should be the default assumption. I think men need to check. "

I don't see why 'women like to be active' should be the default assumption either. People need to be sure of consent, of course, but that doesn't have to mean there's only one way of having sex.

Gwen you get the gist.

"What the hell is wrong with all you rape apologists? "

Are you calling me a rape apologist??? I've never apologised for rapists so you should take that back.

Venus What is "acting responsibly" ......And who gets to decide?

If you don't know then it just confirms you are interested in promoting and campaigning for womens safety, but rather want to pursue the feminist mantra.

It's ridiculous to say that as some women like to be passive, the onus is not on men to check they're ok with being penetrated if they don't know the person well. You are making excuses.

I'm not claiming such a thing exists korma. You are. I'll wager as a rape survivor I have at least as much interest in what's best for women and rape victims as you do, if not substantially more.

Apologist means means defender of not apologises for...

rapecrisis.org.uk/statistics.php

Korma here are some statistics. 1 in 5 women has been a victim of sexual violence.

90% of rape victims know their attacker.

Given that, just how can we stay safe?