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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner seems to think he's my landlord AIBU?

681 replies

user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 12:15

TLDR: My boyfriend wants me to move into his house, and is asking for me to contribute what he would consider ‘market rent’ if he rented the room out.

He owns the house outright, and the associated costs (bills etc) are paid by a family trust. I.e. he has no living costs to be there. He’s an adult, FYI, we are in our thirties.

He has recently asked me various questions about how much people rent rooms for, what bills cost etc. I thought he was just interested, as he has never had to pay these costs.

He told me today that he thinks that I should pay £850 per month to live in his flat as that would be the market rate if he let a room out.

I had volunteered to pay half of bills… but £850? It’s only a two bed flat, with no mortgage. I’ve told him where he can stick it.

Am I being unreasonable, or is he?

OP posts:
TempusEedjit · 20/10/2016 17:21

Actually OP even if you only share half the bills he'll still benefit from you financially... e.g he'll lose his single person discount for council tax but he'll only be paying 50% of it instead of 75% (or whatever). Things such as the heating or house insurance probably won't go up by 50% just because you move in.

SuperFlyHigh · 20/10/2016 17:21

either way OP's partner makes £800 a month from her. what would be fair would be a split between rent and bills for her to pay if that.

even then it's a big ask.

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 17:21

He owns the property outright - the money used for day to day expenses comes from a trust.

The property is his. There are no regulations over the property - he could sell it tomorrow if he liked.

dowhatnow - If I am paying £300 a month towards bills, we are not splitting things 50/50, as I have previously mentioned he has no outgoings AT ALL related to the property. By volunteering to pay the bills, I will be paying more than him, and I am fine with that, as I think I should pay half of the bills.

OP posts:
thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 20/10/2016 17:21

He’s always been outraged by the cost of rent - until now apparently!

Yes til he realised that there's a profit to be made - from you. His girlfriend. A supposed personal relationship that he's trying to figure out the pounds and pence worth of.

He has no outgoings other than food. You've offered to pay half the bills (half the bills that he doesn't even pay - his trust fund pays it), he won't be out of pocket having his girlfriend living with him. I honestly can't see a reason other than greed or viewing you as taking him for a ride as to why he wants to charge you rent.

ZuleikaDobson · 20/10/2016 17:22

So you earn more than him and still want the £850ish on top so you have even more disposible income? Even more unfair.

No, it's not unfair. If she wasn't paying that sum to him she could be putting it into a mortgage and end up with a valuable asset. Under his proposals, she is prevented from doing that and he can use her "rent" as an investment.

SheldonCRules · 20/10/2016 17:22

You should pay half the costs of living there, the same as I would expect him too if situations were reversed. I'd expect to pay extra given yout would have no rent to pay for towards the upkeep of applicances etc.

People always say it costs to have adult children remain at home so not sure why they think it would be of no cost for you to move in.

Whether or not it's a red flag depends of your perspective. He's protecting himself and his asset and doesn't want to fund another adult, nothing wrong with that. For me, another adult not wanting to contribute would be a red flag and a sign that other people's money was a factor to them.

£850 seems steep though but without knowing the cost of food, utilities, council tax etc it's hard to say for sure.

TempusEedjit · 20/10/2016 17:23

Cross posted with Zuleika

dowhatnow · 20/10/2016 17:23

Great but he is subsidising that then as without him she couldn't save at all given she has large rent outgoings. She can save her 50% share of the £1000 towards her own property, especially as she already has a higher income earning more. She gets to benefit from that but he can't benefit from the asset he has?

PersianCatLady · 20/10/2016 17:24

Maybe even £50 a month for a ‘household maintenance fund’
He doesn't want you paying into a fund to maintain the house as then legally that is where the issues will begin.

He wants no ties rent money, NOT you giving him household maintenance money.

BaggyCheeks · 20/10/2016 17:24

Sorry if I'm being exceptionally dense here, but the way I'm reading this situation is:
He brings in income (x) through work, which is untouched because his trust fund pays all the bills. There are no monthly costs for housing.
You bring in income (y) through work - currently you pay rent plus bills for your own place.
He expects you to pay £850 PLUS half of the bills, so he is getting monthly (x), £850 from you, and access to half of what his trust is currently paying towards the household bills?

Surely when most people move in together they take all communal costs and just equally split them, whether that's 50/50 or pro-rated for income? In your situation that would just be the monthly bills and it's up to him whether he pays his share from his trust or his salary.

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 17:25

So you earn more than him and still want the £850ish on top so you have even more disposible income? Even more unfair.

Due to having to pay all of my own expenses, plus student loans, I am worse off than him despite earning more dowhatnow. That has never bothered me, I've always considered it luck of the draw!

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 20/10/2016 17:26

dowhatnow - you are forgetting he already has an asset, if he wants to rent a room out (but seems by other advice he can't) then he could do so.

if he wanted to buy another BTL property himself presumably he could afford to do so.

OP is renting presumably few or no savings. she is very much on the back foot.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 20/10/2016 17:26

super no, most certainly not. That's the whole point of a trust, it protects the property. If the trust LOANED money to a beneficiary and they used that money to buy the family home, that may be more easily challenged (almost certainly so), but living in trust property is a benefit, but no rights are conferred by that.

However, having read on it seems OP's DP owns the property and the trust pays the bills. That would change the situation.

scaryclown · 20/10/2016 17:27

Wink sometimes childish thinking can generate good insight! think the thing to think is are you going for team thinking(collaborative), cooperative thinking (shared needs met both with separate individual agendas) or separate. any loosening up of your finances will probably mean more relationship generosity some him generosity and some personal asset increase. hes just trying to fix it all as obligated to him which is quite far along that line and also takes away all your control, so insread of feeling 'giving' and generous, youll feel locked in.

i would use that control v choice and benefits to him, rel, you continuum..and do the same for his assets and get an idea in your head of what it feel like to do that. .and tgen do the exercise with him maybe..

or at least use that as a thought process. its quite grown up..but hey he is raising it now. . you could just agree to do it after 6 months say

SuperFlyHigh · 20/10/2016 17:28

dontcallmethat - ah just wondering, just for DD of family friend of mine. I am sure she is looked after as married, 2 kids and doesn't have to work (hobby on the side business). thanks.

Blondeandinept · 20/10/2016 17:28

Sorry if already covered.

You say it's a London flat OP? Where in London may I ask?

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 17:28

baggycheeks

£850 is the total amount he has asked for (inc. bills).

Correct about no other expenses related to the flat.

PersianCatLady

Possibly true - the point I was trying to make was jus that I don't mind paying slightly extra!

OP posts:
mygorgeousmilo · 20/10/2016 17:29

Run, run, as fast as you can! What a greedy disgusting pig. Rethink this relationship, you don't want kids with someone this mean, it'll be a nightmare

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 20/10/2016 17:30

He wants a sex toy to move in, not a partner. I can't blame you for feeling let down.

dowhatnow · 20/10/2016 17:32

TBH I can't get my head round couples keeping their finances separate really. I am very much a joint pot person, but I know that people do keep them separate. In which case I'm trying to make it financially fair and even for both. The op can't save that money for a property now as she has to pay a large rent. Why is it fair that she can save almost 100% rent by moving in with him? (she pays bills now but only wants to pay half bills of his) He might want to save to buy a yacht or something. Surely they should both have an extra amount to do with as they wish?

Ginkypig · 20/10/2016 17:36

For a second forget he owns his house.

If you were both to move in to a place together you would pay half each.
So split all bills rent food etc.

Why is the current situation any different? If you were to move in you should both split half the costs in this situation it would be bills food etc but there is no rent

The only difference is if you split up he would keep the house because it was his in the first place.

If I was you I'd plait up with him because I coulnt trust that in the future I'd be able to trust him. (That you decision to make though)

Ginkypig · 20/10/2016 17:36

*split up

Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 17:36

What? How will this stop him having money to do as he wishes with?

I pay for half of everything we do!

But he has no rent or mortgage – so you are suggesting a pay half of a hypothetical amount? This isn’t splitting things 50/50!

OP posts:
Original poster
user1476961324 · 20/10/2016 17:40

Cross post Ginkypig- I agree with you!

OP posts:
Boiing · 20/10/2016 17:41

I don't think you should consider moving in with him until you're both clearer on the relationship and where it is going. He doesn't seem to be thinking about it as a romantic thing at all, more something that makes financial sense plus sex on tap. You would be acting as a wife but being treated like a tenant. He would be making a financial profit from his relationship but not sharing the profit with his partner. Very confusing. Not sexy. He hasn't thought about it enough and is perhaps just trying to do the financially sensible thing for himself, but he's not thought about it enough. What would happen if you marry? Would he charge his wife rent? Or would he stop charging once you're married? (Not much of an incentive to propose, that!). Tell him if he wants a flatmate, get a flatmate. If he wants to live together with a view to hopefully staying together long term, he needs to stop thinking about money and start being more romantic.

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