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Original poster

To think that 14 year olds in a relationship should not be classed as 'couples'.

183 replies

Elendon · 19/10/2016 17:08

It just beggars belief that this should be the case. They are not in a relationship, nor are they couples. Nor should they be seen as being so. How can two 14/15 year old children be seen as being in adult enough to do the things 'couples' do?

OP posts:
GuiltyPleasure · 19/10/2016 22:49

The Bonnie & Clyde analogy was put forward by the psychiatric witness to describe the context of the relationship between the 2 teenagers, not what they thought themselves. I would imagine that they very much thought of themselves as a couple. My 16 year old DD has been going out with her 17 year old boyfriend for over 2 years & I definitely think of them as a couple, as do they. They don't know who Bonnie & Clyde are, so I'm guessing if they decided on a life of crime the analogy would be lost on them also. I'm not really sure of the point you're trying to make OP.

HardcoreLadyType · 19/10/2016 22:56

A couple is two of something; no more, no less.

In this case, two teenagers.

So, couple is the correct term.

Teenage relationships can be really hard for parents to get right. Teenagers can be very secretive. It can be really tricky to get the balance of allowing your DC to have privacy (not just physical privacy, I mean privacy of their thoughts and feelings) with ensuring they are supported by you, and can come to you for help or solicited advice.

Their boyfriend or girlfriend can have a huge amount of influence over them - more than their parents.

Whatever happened in the case everyone is alluding to was absolutely tragic, and to be honest, all I can say is "there, but for the grace of god, go I".

Disclaimer - I don't believe in a god. It's a saying.

Ohyesiam · 19/10/2016 23:02

Op, what is the point you are trying to make.
It seems as of you are trying to make people say a particular thing. I have no idea what, but you have a massive unspoken agenda here.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 19/10/2016 23:24

Since they are two people in a relationship they should surely be a couple, three should be a triad and four just starts to get messy.

Dontpanicpyke · 19/10/2016 23:46

Can't see that is the important issue in this case. Very strange thread.

KittensWithWeapons · 20/10/2016 00:06

Well, I was 15 when I met DP, just gone 16 when we started dating. He was just gone 20. We definitely considered ourselves a couple. I'm now 31 and we're still together, engaged, and still a very happy couple.

'I care not for those who met each other whilst in teenage years and are still a couple 20 years on. Those couples have yet to go through middle age!' Eh, what? So the only successful couples are those who have been through middle age together? DP and I are in our thirties, have been together 15 years, and are extremely happy. But not having yet gone through middle age together (you know, because we're not yet middle aged) somehow negates this? I'm confused.

KittensWithWeapons · 20/10/2016 00:09

Okay, based on subsequent posts, this thread isn't actually about what was posted in the OP. Now I'm really confused. Why not just come right out and say what you want to say, Elendon? This is quite a strange thread Confused.

TheKrakenSmith · 20/10/2016 01:27

I just don't see how it matters. A couple is two people. I'd refer to anyone who showed up in pairs as a couple, I don't give that much weight to it as it goes. But also, I was in a sexually exclusive relationship at 14, we were together the better part of three years, and I definitely would have considered us a couple, as did my parents.

Bruce02 · 20/10/2016 05:43

Just because your kids don't know who Bonnie and Clyde were doesn't mean anything. It was a good comparison. The two defendants in this case will have had a whole legal team who could have explained it, if they didn't know.

I would get dd to do a survey of her friends at school Wink

I still don't get why your kids not knowing who they are is important to whether 'couple' is an appropriate term or why it matters that your kids don't know who Bonnie and Clyde are.

I am guessing you want to discuss this case, but for some reason are reluctant to just come out and say what you want to say.

Two people dating can be referred to as a couple. It's not a term that's has age limits.

kali110 · 20/10/2016 06:27

So it's onLy past 18 that it counts?
I'd better tell my friends then that part of their relationships don't count and that they'd better wait till they get to 'middle age' Hmm
They may be already well into their 30's but still, they'd better just wait.
I was in a relationship at 16. For a long time.
It definitely counted.
Not everybody wants to Date and explore.
So because some members of your household never knew who Bonnie and Clyde were, no young people know? Confused think it may just be your family, many people including young people know who they were.
Agree with another poster, you're coming off really patronising.

Inyournightdress · 20/10/2016 09:34

Kind of laughing that there are people arguing these kids are too old for anonymity but not old enough to be a couple.

Sometimes this place is confounding.

milkyface · 20/10/2016 09:43

I'm 21 and I know who bonnie and Clyde were Hmm

Anyway - yes they can be a couple. There us no age limit on being in a relationship.

You could be with someone since 13 but according to you you only become a couple at 18? Errrrrm. Right.

What happens if ones 16 and one 18, do they both have to be 18 before you'd refer to them as a couple?

I don't really get your point tbh.

Original poster
Elendon · 20/10/2016 09:56

It's a good idea to treat teenagers and their romantic relationships with respect, if you want to have a good relationship with them yourself.

I agree. And I have done, but I never saw them as a couple, just exploring an adult world with regard to relationships. I'm not stupid, and they knew exactly what sexual relationships can lead to. And I always was ready for the fallout. It happens and I think it is ruinous to a relationship with your children to ignore the hurt and devastation that the break up of young teen relationships can bring to the child, which happens more often than it going from being teenage sweethearts to a lifelong union.

Can we please keep this on topic? This is not a thread about a thread.

OP posts:
milkyface · 20/10/2016 09:57

But op what's your point?

Original poster
Elendon · 20/10/2016 10:00

Re the Bonnie and Clyde thing, I was merely responding to a poster on this point. It's not applicable anyway with regard to my question.

My point was it is cod psychology (and in a court of law!) and none of my children knew about them. But then, despite teenage crushes, all my children have a solid view on life.

OP posts:
Original poster
Elendon · 20/10/2016 10:01

If you don't understand the point, and some posters have, then I cannot help you.

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 20/10/2016 10:03

I don't understand the point either. I genuinely don't. You don't think 14 year olds should be called couples, is that it? Ok. why not?

Inyournightdress · 20/10/2016 10:14

I'd rather my teenagers discover romantic relationships with likeminded peers than be taken advantage of when they go off to university or the real world and I'm not around for daily advice. We shouldn't infantile teenage relationships, because you are then in danger of completely misunderestimating what they are getting up to.

Original poster
Elendon · 20/10/2016 10:42

As I have said before in this thread, why is it when on the relationships board, if an adult posts that they are a couple after a month of going out, people will come back, almost all, and say this isn't a relationship, you are not a couple? However, it's fine to say that teenagers are a couple after going out for a month? I don't understand this way of thinking.

Teenagers have intense crushes, I did when I was a teenager. Intense crushes on celebrities, the boy two rows up in Biology class (he was so gorgeous, and I still have that crush), crushes on teachers. Nowadays it's fandom fiction. It's a normal part of being a teenager. Exploration of sexuality, sex, being an adult is all part of growing up into adulthood.

I agree that keeping them under lock and key until they get to University is a disaster waiting to happen. No way was that going to happen to my children. However, you can never foresee the way in which they view life. It is different. All you can do is offer advice and be there for them to mop up the vomit (they will drink) and the tears.

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 20/10/2016 10:48

The couple that you keep alluding to were together for more than a month.

Original poster
Elendon · 20/10/2016 10:56

I have not alluded to any couple. Nor have I kept alluding to them. Stop trying to hijack this thread please.

OP posts:
OnionKnight · 20/10/2016 10:57

Really? Hmm

Mozfan1 · 20/10/2016 11:06

Op I'm 23, know who bonnie and Clyde were and had a sexual relationship at 15, where I would have considered us a couple as would everyone else.

And what has 'not gone through middle age yet' got to do with anything?

Original poster
Elendon · 20/10/2016 11:12

I really couldn't tell you about Bonnie and Clyde and I'm in my fifties! I did watch the film ages ago and of course the song was a big hit.

Please don't quote out of context. It is confusing. I knew sweethearts, their words, who married and had two children. Come middle age, after 30 years of being together, they called it a day.

OP posts:
butterfliesandzebras · 20/10/2016 11:14

People are couples when they decide they are. It's not for someone outside the relationship to determine. I think you are confusing people saying 'in my opinion you shouldn't be rushing into a relationship in a month' with 'humans are incapable of forming a relationship in a month'.

People meet, fall in love and marry the next day. It's rare. Most people would feel it was a bad idea. It doesn't mean they are somehow not a couple.

People meet, fall in love, and form a committed pair bond at even younger than 14. It's rare. Most people probably think it's not a good idea. It doesn't mean their not a couple.

I don't agree with the idea that young people are always just dating/experimenting. Theres nothing wrong with that, but when I was young I wanted a committed relationship to experiment in, not a bunch of casual encounters (again, nothing wrong with casual encounters, just not what I was doing at that age).