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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that 14 year olds in a relationship should not be classed as 'couples'.

183 replies

Elendon · 19/10/2016 17:08

It just beggars belief that this should be the case. They are not in a relationship, nor are they couples. Nor should they be seen as being so. How can two 14/15 year old children be seen as being in adult enough to do the things 'couples' do?

OP posts:
FlabulousChic · 19/10/2016 19:12

So funny. A couple means two. Id they weren't s couple what was they then a trio? This had to be the most ridiculous thing I've read who really cares what they are called. It's a mute argument. And they didn't just spend time at each other's houses and school. Neither were parented properly and on the night of the murder stayed out all night with no one giving a shit.

Original poster
Elendon · 19/10/2016 19:44

I've just asked my teenage boy did he know who Bonnie and Clyde were. He hadn't a clue who I was talking about.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 19/10/2016 19:50

So because your son doesn't, no teenager does?

Right-on

Bruce02 · 19/10/2016 19:53

To be honest opinion I have no clue what yiu are talking about.

A couple is an accurate term. just because you don't like it, doesn't mean other people can't.

How do you know what their parents thought?

And he what has your child knowledge of Bonnie and Clyde got to do with anything. My 12 year old knows who they are, but I am not sure why that's relevant.

HedgehogHedgehog · 19/10/2016 19:55

Romeo and Juliet were 14. I think not taking teenagers relationships seriously can have a negative impact in making them take them very seriously indeed. Being in love for the first time is often incredibly intense and that does deserve to be acknowledged rather than downplayed. In most cases it wont last the test of time but that doesnt mean it isnt or shouldnt be important and serious to them at the time.

Original poster
Elendon · 19/10/2016 20:00

I've also asked my 21 year old and she said no. My 23 year old and her boyfriend says no as well.

As a mid 50s person I'm the only one who has heard of Bonnie and Clyde.

OP posts:
EllieM22 · 19/10/2016 20:01

I was 16 and DH was 17 when we started dating. MIL would not accept this relationship due to age. 10 years on and happily married to each other and with DC1 on the way. Sadly her attitude towards me at the start of our relationship has affected our current relationship with her.

You may think it's okay to treat teenagers in a very patronising way when they date and think they cannot possible understand relationships or love, and I'm sure often this is true, but it might be worth thinking twice about this attitude incase the relationship does continue into a happy "adult" one (and even marriage and family). They aren't going to forget the way you treated them like a stupid child, teenagers don't tend to respond well to that. Instead do your best to support them and respect them

GeekyWombat · 19/10/2016 20:08

Why does it matter whether they've heard of Bonnie and Clyde? The psychiatrist witness was the one who used it as a frame of reference.

Original poster
Elendon · 19/10/2016 20:11

As a frame of reference to who? The Judge, the Jury, those in in the gallery? Of course the psychiatrist/psychologist was referencing to an audience. It's what they do!

OP posts:
GreatFuckability · 19/10/2016 20:19

Also totally confused as to what you are trying to say. What does whether your children know who Bonnie and Clyde are have to do with whether teenagers can be classed as couples? My DD who is 13 knows who they are, but that doesn't mean anything in this discussion.

Why is it wrong for 14/15 year olds to refer to themselves as a couple? you've said that a few times, but havent really articulated why you feel that way.

What does whether these childrens parents knew they were a couple or not have to do with it?

I really don't get it.

Dahlietta · 19/10/2016 20:22

As a mid 50s person I'm the only one who has heard of Bonnie and Clyde.

Out of five people, three of whom were brought up by you. It's not the most scientific survey ever, is it?
I also think you need to decide what your thread is about. If you keep insisting that the specific crime is 'not up for discussion', then why are you going on about Bonnie and Clyde now?

Soubriquet · 19/10/2016 20:26

I'm in my 20's and I know Bonnie and Clyde

So what do you say about that?

TheNaze73 · 19/10/2016 20:39

What actually is your point OP???!

Errrmmm · 19/10/2016 20:48

This seemed to be your issue with the Becky Watts murder too! You wrote
'And what society says that they were a a couple by all accounts when she was 14/15 when they met and he was 22?'
You do understand the awful things these people have done don't you? Their relationship status is irrelevant.

MrsJayy · 19/10/2016 20:51

DD is 18 she knows who Bonnie and Clyde were

GladAllOver · 19/10/2016 20:54

WTF has Bonnie & Clyde got to do with this?
OP you asked if they should be called a couple. I think you have been told that it's not important or relevant to their crime.

If you have some other weird motive then perhaps you should leave now.

KindergartenKop · 19/10/2016 20:54

The kids themselves didn't think they were Bonnie and Clyde.
Teenagers who are going out with each other are a 'couple'. They can't exactly refer to them as 'going out' in court can they?

OnionKnight · 19/10/2016 20:55

I know who Bonnie and Clyde were, I knew from a young age who they were (don't ask me why, probably from a book or something). What exactly is wrong with describing two teenagers who were in an exclusive relationship with each other as a 'couple'?

Choccywoccyhooha · 19/10/2016 21:15

care not for those who met each other whilst in teenage years and are still a couple 20 years on. Those couples have yet to go through middle age!

"Their parents probably looked on fondly at the burgeoning relationship and thought Aww! I get that.
But their parents did not see them as a couple."

How do you know? I happen to know that they did indeed see them as couples. What is your arbitrary cut-off point OP? 16? 18? Dating for 6 months at any age? Dating a year? Maybe they are together still because their parents didn't belittle their teenage relationships.

lougle · 19/10/2016 21:32

If it looks like a duck, acts like a duck and sounds like a duck....it's a duck.

They were a couple. Whether or not they should have been is irrelevant. You can't change the facts.

MrsJayy · 19/10/2016 21:34

elendon Im honestly not sure what you want to talk about teenagers in general or specific teenagers or media calling specific teenagers a couple ?

BlancheBlue · 19/10/2016 21:40

Elenden - you are obsessed with this case, this thread will go like the other one with you having posted deleted.

Just what the fuck is your agenda with this?

QuiltedAloeVera · 19/10/2016 21:49

It's a good idea to treat teenagers and their romantic relationships with respect, if you want to have a good relationship with them yourself.

My parents thought the idea of me having a boyfriend was cute and funny. They teased me about it both in front of my boyfriend and behind my back.

So I stopped telling them things, in case they laughed at me. I didn't tell them

  • when I started having sex
  • when I had a pregnancy scare
  • when he cheated on me
  • when a subsequent bf assaulted me
  • when, years later, I fell ill with depression. Because I knew they'd call me a drama queen.

I hope my own kids feel they can talk to me.

QuiltedAloeVera · 19/10/2016 21:49

*behind HIS back

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 19/10/2016 22:42

It's a good idea to treat teenagers and their romantic relationships with respect, if you want to have a good relationship with them yourself.

This.

Mine are still diddy at the moment but if something or someone is important to them then they are important to me.

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