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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that 14 year olds in a relationship should not be classed as 'couples'.

183 replies

Elendon · 19/10/2016 17:08

It just beggars belief that this should be the case. They are not in a relationship, nor are they couples. Nor should they be seen as being so. How can two 14/15 year old children be seen as being in adult enough to do the things 'couples' do?

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 19/10/2016 18:02

Elendon I've seen your posts on the other thread. You seem oddly fixated on this case.

TwentyCups · 19/10/2016 18:02

I think most teenage relationships are not permanent enough to be proper couples but some certainly are.
I do go a bit Hmm at posters on here referring to their teenagers 'DP's though. A partner is someone you live with I think, although I imagine that there are plenty of people who don't fit that definition either.

I also agree that this isn't the most important thing about this crime by a long way though.

Original poster
Elendon · 19/10/2016 18:06

I'm inclusive of all relationships, not just 'boyfriend and girlfriend'. Just to make that clear. Teenagers are dating and exploring and it's a painful time to go through, body is changing and feelings are intense.

But to see 14 year old' in a relationship being referred to as a couple in msm is worrying. And frankly very odd, unless we want to go back to Shakespearean times.

OP posts:
Atenco · 19/10/2016 18:10

I would put couples at an age range of 18 and onward

I was married at 17. And my extremely middle-class best friend was in sexual relationships from the age of 12, back in the early 1960s.

Some of the people here are defaulting to their idea of what young people's lives should be like, totally disregarding human nature. There are always exceptions, but young people are usually interested in having romantic and sexual relationships.

OnionKnight · 19/10/2016 18:10

Out of everything concerning this case, is the fact that they were described as a couple really that high on the agenda?

OneMillionScovilles · 19/10/2016 18:10

Stratters Sorry, wasn't trying to say "stifle yourself" - more a heads up to people not to potentially get themselves in trouble Smile

Original poster
Elendon · 19/10/2016 18:12

I'm not obsessed with the case, there are others on that thread who are more obsessed than me.

What I cannot understand is the reporting on this. They are seen as a couple, and as Liney says 'Bonnie and Clyde' type. Seriously? These children were 14 when they met! It's beyond belief to see them as a couple.

I just wish reporting on such a serious case as this was better worded. (I'm no Jane Austen).

OP posts:
Ifounddory · 19/10/2016 18:13

I've always just figured that a couple is two and can be used to refer to not just boyfriend girlfriend relationships but also best friends and socks....

Original poster
Elendon · 19/10/2016 18:14

It's not the most important factor in this case, and this isn't up for discussion.

Should teenage daters be seen as couples?

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 19/10/2016 18:18

They were in an (apparently) exclusive sexual relationship, which they continued immediately after the murder.

Whether or not you'd call them a couple is a matter of personal choice, but I don't see why the term should offend anyone.

FlyingElbows · 19/10/2016 18:27

The comparison to Bonnie and Clyde is not about a "relationship" in the adult sex life sense but a co-dependency of personality types which would not result in murder on their own. Bonnie and Clyde, Myra and Ian, Kid A and Kid B, there's loads of them!

Soubriquet · 19/10/2016 18:28

Well since couple is two

Yes teens can have a couple relationship

LineyReborn · 19/10/2016 18:37

Just lost two long-ish posts to the current MN frozen screen problem. Will try again...

Choccywoccyhooha · 19/10/2016 18:40

I'm confused by this. Plenty of teenagers are in longterm relationships, I know of at least 5 or 6 couples who have been together since they were early teens and now, over 20 years later, are still together and happy. When do you decide that they are allowed to be called a couple? You can get married at 16 in all areas of the UK.

LineyReborn · 19/10/2016 18:44

OP, are you wondering about the girl being characterised by the prosecution as a woman? Might that be what's bothering you?

Or something else?

Original poster
Elendon · 19/10/2016 18:51

Liney, that's not up for discussion.

I care not for those who met each other whilst in teenage years and are still a couple 20 years on. Those couples have yet to go through middle age!

Their parents probably looked on fondly at the burgeoning relationship and thought Aww! I get that.

But their parents did not see them as a couple.

OP posts:
Dahlietta · 19/10/2016 18:52

Taking this at face value (and ignoring the references to a particular case), I honestly can't say I see what the problem is. To me, a couple is two people who are girlfriend and boyfriend. They can be a married couple, a young couple, a middle-aged couple, a teenage couple. Personally I'm not a big fan of children perceiving themselves as having girlfriends or boyfriends at a young age, nor perceiving themselves as a couple, but I don't see how it 'beggars belief' to describe them as a couple if they are indeed exclusively dating and have been for some time, whatever their age. To me, it's the term 'partner' which implies a permanence and stability which is unlikely to be already present in a teenage couple.

Errrmmm · 19/10/2016 18:55

couple
ˈkʌp(ə)l/
noun
1.
two people or things of the same sort considered together.
"a couple of girls were playing marbles"
synonyms: pair, duo, duology, twosome, set of two, match;

MrsJayy · 19/10/2016 18:56

Teenagers who see themselves as a couple to them are a couple to friends are a couple they see themselves in a relationship to some adults it might seem flippant and odd but it is serious to them. These teenagers were bf/gf the media coverage surrounding them was ridiculous sweethearts Bonnie and clyde^ did put some sort of romantised slant on them I agree with you on that but i can see why it was written that way.

Quietwhenreading · 19/10/2016 18:57

Taking just the initial question posted, not reference to the criminal case:

My DH and I started "going out" at 15. We were most definitely "in a relationship".

I'm not referring to a sexual relationship I'm referring to a deep emotional bond.

Any one would saw us together had no doubt about it. We waited until we were in our twenties to get married but the fact that we were together (with no break ups) was not surprising to our family or friends.

I understand that some teenage romances are over in a few weeks or months but it's not true to suggest that just because someone is young they aren't capable of real love.

My DH and I have been together for nearly 30 years, nearly 20 of them as husband and wife.

At 16 and 17 we were definitely considered a couple by everyone, parents, friends and school.

Oh and btw at 15 we did " go out" of course we did cinema, bowling, cycling, hill walking, for meals etc. Why wouldn't we?

MrsJayy · 19/10/2016 18:58

Elendon you are on thin ice a thread about this has already been deleted you are in danger of outing these families again

WamBamThankYouMaam · 19/10/2016 18:59

I think you're a patronising cow tbh.

A couple are a couple regardless of their age if they're in a relationship. There isn't a magic barrier you go through at 18 which qualifies you as a couple.

I was 15 when I met my husband, and 15 years on we're a couple in the same way as we were then.

museumum · 19/10/2016 19:03

I wouldn't want my dc to be in a couple at 14/15 but if they were in an exclusive sexual relationship for a year then imo they would be a couple.
Most teen dating is for a few months max.

GreatFuckability · 19/10/2016 19:04

I had a boyfriend at 14, we were a couple. and remained so for about 7 years. My dd is 13 and has a boyfriend. its all very innocent, they occasionally hold hands, but to them they are a couple.
I'm not really seeing why the fact these kids committed crimes stops other people being couples?

NinjaLeprechaun · 19/10/2016 19:10

"But their parents did not see them as a couple."
Do you know this for a fact? My daughter was 17 when she started dating her then 15 year old boyfriend (the same ages my great-grandparents were, coincidentally.) - why would I have not categorized them as a couple then, but do now, three years later, just because they've both turned X arbitrary age?

I have no idea what case this is, nor the details of it, but it seems to be beside the point in this particular thread. Even if it was the reason the thread was started.
Based on my reading of your posts, OP, you seem to think that teenagers should be having sex without being in a committed (whatever that means to them) relationship. Which happens to be exactly the opposite of what I think; that teenagers should absolutely not be having sex without being in a committed relationship. (And maybe not even then.) Whatever they choose to do as adults, however, is up to them.