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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong to not sit in my friends house and paint it

43 replies

starboyz · 19/10/2016 12:32

Im not currently working, my friend works 9-5.
My friend asked me on Monday if I can come to her flat and help her wallpaper and paint which I agreed to.
So this morning I texted her to ask if she was home as she did not attend work yesterday so I assumed she would not today and tomorrow since I am coming round to decorate.
She has told me that she is going to work and she wants me to come by at 6pm when she finishes.
I would have to leave my house around 5pm to get to her and the blackwall tunnel will be high traffic at that time.
She then got pissed off and said if im going to wait until after 6pm then there is no point.

I suggested the weekend but she has plans.

I thought she was going to take the day off so I could go in morning. I am shocked she actually thought I would drive through the blackwall tunnel at 6pm. She doesnt drive but its common sense to avoid the city at these times.

Aibu?

She has sent me messages that she is always there for me because she listens to my issues but i cannot do this for her.

OP posts:
Original poster
starboyz · 19/10/2016 12:33

We agreed wednesday and thursday.
I thought i would stay at hers these days.

She expected me to stay in her flat and do it whilst she was at work.

OP posts:
Sharpkat · 19/10/2016 12:33

The Blackwall Tunnel is crazier than ever at the moment with Tower Bridge being closed so I would definitely avoid it at that time. You could be stuck in traffic for hours.

pipsqueak25 · 19/10/2016 12:36

sorry, the blackwall tunnel is busy ?? you might have to leave home a bit earlier instead, sounds a bit u if you agreed to help her out. if you not working then your time is a bit more flexible ?

BabyGanoush · 19/10/2016 12:38

Public transport?

tofutti · 19/10/2016 12:41

Painting is a thankless task. I wouldn't do it for anyone.

You are lovely for agreeing, she is unbelievably entitled to expect you to paint while she's at work.

The only thing that makes painting bearable is company.

tofutti · 19/10/2016 12:42

Just because OP may not be working doesn't make her a free skivvy.

EssentialHummus · 19/10/2016 12:49

When I was broke after moving to my new place, I invited a few friends round to help me paint on a saturday, in exchange for all the beer and pizza they wanted. Asking one unemployed friend to do it alone, for nothing, seems incredibly off.

And yes, the Blackwall Tunnel is a PITA at the moment.

Original poster
starboyz · 19/10/2016 12:51

Leave earlier and sit outside her house until she returns? Really? Would you do that?

OP posts:
Ketsby · 19/10/2016 12:52

Wait, she wants you to go to her house in the evening and paint it for free?

Tell her to hire a bloody painter, the cheap sod.

Inertia · 19/10/2016 12:54

She is taking the piss.

viques · 19/10/2016 12:58

Painting and decorating under artificial light is never a good idea, you always regret it when you look in morning light and see the bits you missed. Help her on a weekend when you can see what you are doing.

Clandestino · 19/10/2016 13:15

sorry, the blackwall tunnel is busy ?? you might have to leave home a bit earlier instead, sounds a bit u if you agreed to help her out. if you not working then your time is a bit more flexible ?

Seriously? She may not be working but that doesn't make her a person with no life and no rights to do something at a more convenient time.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 19/10/2016 13:18

OP, tell her, maybe next time. She sounds rather entitled.
Don't stress it.

Original poster
starboyz · 19/10/2016 13:27

She is not paying me, was just going to do it as a favour because I am good at decorating but she really annoyed me today. Decorating is hard work plus would of cost me a tenner in petrol for there and back I did not ask her to compensate but she is comparing this to her sitting on the phone listening to my problems which cost her nothing.

OP posts:
TaterTots · 19/10/2016 13:35

Can't she give you a spare key so you can go in while she's at work?

ClopySow · 19/10/2016 13:35

but she is comparing this to her sitting on the phone listening to my problems which cost her nothing

Well not financially, no. But friendship isn't just about financial transactions.

NuggetofPurestGreen · 19/10/2016 13:40

What about the bit where friend expects OP to paint on her own all day tomorrow?!! No way.

floorflock · 19/10/2016 13:41

Just because you are not 'at work' doesn't mean that you are at anyone else's beck and call. They can't rule you life and organise your days/nights. A misunderstanding about the time of day would have knocked this on the head for me. Daytime is one thing, nighttime is quite another. It never ceases to amaze me that peoples expectations are not absolutely and clearly stated from the outset, it always causes disappointment. If the times don't suit, don't feel obliged to do it. Chalk it up to experience.

Topsy44 · 19/10/2016 13:42

Yanbu. She is taking advantage of you if she expects you to paint her flat while she's at work. It doesn't matter that you're not working. This doesn't give her the right to abuse your good nature.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/10/2016 13:42

Tatertots - really?

I don't think the OP was expecting to have to do it on her own at any point, just help her friend out - she was expecting her friend to be there too!!

TaterTots · 19/10/2016 13:57

Tatertots - really?

Yes, really Hmm Is it that outlandish a suggestion? OP doesn't have to spend the whole day there alone - she could go at 3 (for example) to avoid the traffic, do some of the basics herself until friend gets back, help her out for a couple of hours when she does, then goes home at a reasonable time instead of getting stuck in traffic and maybe not even starting until 7.

Of course OP doesn't have to help at all. She could just say 'Sorry, I misunderstood - I thought you were taking time off and we'd do it together'. I just made what I thought was a sensible suggestion if she does still want to help.

Loaferloveforyou · 19/10/2016 13:58

Friends help each other out. I would go and do it if it was a skill I had. And would hope it works the other way round too. If it didn't I would be questioning the friendship

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 19/10/2016 14:02

I think with her expectations etc, you are the one OP, who should be questioning the friendship, skill or none.
Friends don't make you feel uncomfortable.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/10/2016 14:03

Well I guess it depends on how the OP really feels about it.

If it were me, and I felt that I was being taken advantage of and put upon, because I was expected to do it by myself when I thought I was just helping, then no way in hell would I suggest I had a spare key, as that would just further the whole resentment situation.

However, if the OP knew that she was going to be doing it by herself without her friend there, then yes, it's not that outlandish.

Depends on how you read the OP's feelings.

bummyknocker · 19/10/2016 14:15

If she can't support you without throwing it back in your face when she doesn't get her own way regarding what u can do for her then she isn't much of a friend.

Gratitude does not equal servitude.

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