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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH being U about baby in restaurant?

527 replies

StripedSwad · 18/10/2016 17:22

We are on holiday with 3 month BF baby. There's a fancy restaurant on site which we are booked in to

we have his mother with us, who will babysit, but she would need to bring baby down to us if he needs to be fed. Restaurant has said no to this as is adults only.

DH thinks this is terrible and wants to complain as baby will only be down a short while and purely for feeding, whereas I think it's just one of those things you accept with a baby and we will just have to eat elsewhere. So who is right?

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley1 · 09/11/2016 02:27

Your H is BU.

zad716 · 09/11/2016 06:36

It is never right to exclude breastfeeding women, either overtly or incidentally because babies are not permitted into an establishment. Breastfeeding is legal and never inappropriate, reasonable health and safety considerations aside.

Are you saying that babies should be allowed into a premises just for the period they need to breastfed? Or that babies and children should be allowed into everywhere?

Going back to the OP if you are talking about the former then yes that is what they were asking for. But to be honest that situation would be unusual and the problem is some parents would bend that rule.

If you are talking about the latter then you are just being ridiculous.

NNChangeAgain · 09/11/2016 06:38

Are you so confident that everyone else is wrong and you are right?

Apparently so. Hmm

Munstermonchgirl · 09/11/2016 06:42

You might think math had bigger things to worry about, living in the US and all that...

jayisforjessica · 09/11/2016 06:45

Judging by the arrogance and the holier than thou attitude - combined with the overwhelming sense I get from math that she's sure her excrement (and that of her seventeen offspring) smells of roses, it's a pretty sure bet that math voted for that hideous angry Cheeto.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/11/2016 07:16

*You might think math had bigger things to worry about, living in the US and all tha

Good point...

mathanxiety · 09/11/2016 08:47

Just shows how wrong you can get then, JayisforJessica.

I am wondering how offended MilkTwoSugarsThanks is by the term 'child free'. I noticed y'all piling in to apologise to her [sarcasm] for any potential hurt your casual use of the term might have caused, not to mention the multitude of unkind references to horrible babies and children and how desperate so many of you are to get away from your children and everyone else's children too.

We all (five DCs and myself) have Irish passports and we're willing to use them. It eases the concern we feel about political developments.

SausageSoda · 09/11/2016 09:05

Ireland has finally moved on from the dark ages so as a fellow Irish person I hope you never use those passports Math.

mathanxiety · 09/11/2016 09:39

I assure you that America's loss would be Ireland's gain, SausageSoda.

Iamtheresurrection · 09/11/2016 09:55

Does this mean breast feeding babies should be allowed in bars/nightclubs as well?

mathanxiety · 09/11/2016 09:59

Mathanxiety:
And how about that disgusting phrase 'child free' that is thrown about so casually here? The implication of it being that there is some sort of liberation involved.

RestlessTraveller Tue 08-Nov-16 07:58:27
So because I am child-free I am "disgusting"?

A little reading comprehension would go a long, long way.

It is an enormous pity that the phrase 'child free' is now accepted as part of everyday speech. Any term with 'free' in it implies liberation, and liberation implies liberation from a burden or something improperly imposed or something undesirable or intolerable.

Fanofjapan, good for you for never realising that you were being treated as a second class citizen. Just because you didn't understand what was happening doesn't mean it wasn't happening, or that it wasn't part of a wider pattern that included you being paid less for equal work, being set on a lesser path in school, one that would not have led to well paid careers and so on ad infinitum (and if not you in particular then girls and women in general) - the whole panoply of discrimination starts somewhere and along the way it includes discrimination against breastfeeding mothers.

It is a real pity some people don't look and don't see beyond their own noses.

Many people on this thread should think a lot more clearly about the implications of their choices, whether vocabulary or leisure options.

Everything we do has an impact on others (as you have all pointed out to me so often I just glaze over and shake my head sadly at this point) - while the irony of what you are all shrieking about is clearly lost on you, it is not lost on me.

kali110 · 09/11/2016 14:05

I may find an exception? For pointing out that not all children are alike?
I'm not engaging any futher with youmath your attitude is vile and comments to some people on here atrocious.
Though i believe that is why you post so you can inflame and annoy people Grin

RestlessTraveller · 09/11/2016 14:44

Math There is nothing wrong with my comprehension.

You find the term 'child-free' disgusting.

I describe myself as 'child-free'.

You couldn't have made your thoughts towards me any plainer.

SausageSoda · 09/11/2016 15:03

I'm betting that Math really leaves her kids with babysitters quite regularly and goes to child free restaurants and indulges in 'other leisure options' which don't permit children and she's just being an inflammatory twat for her own twisted amusement Grin

misshelena · 09/11/2016 15:24

Hey Math,

Oh and as to , "I made my bed and now I must lie in it." -- YES. YES.

misshelena · 09/11/2016 15:30

Sausage - nah, Math takes her 17 babies to strip clubs and breastfeed them there! She is fighting the feminist cause for all of us stupid ingrates.

bruffin · 09/11/2016 15:49

I have to laugh as i was in California in September and they actually had signs up outside restaurants with "no crying children, no highchairs or strollers" Children obviously very welcome Hmm

RestlessTraveller · 09/11/2016 15:59

Actually Math I think it's you who needs to improve your comprehension. You talk about liberation. I see my choice to be child-free as liberating. For me it means that thanks to the historical campaigns of some strong and amazing women I now have access to contraception and control over my body so I can chose to be child-free. I can go travelling at the drop of a hat without having to think about school holidays or the safety of the places I go to. It means I can chose what to in my spare time whether it's an unplanned evening out or accessing further education. That's my choice.

For other wonderful women it means that they can have children and a career.

It means they can have control over the number of children they have.

They can chose to breastfeed or formula feed.

They can chose to socialise where and whenever they want.

When I talk about liberation I'm talking about choice. When you talk about liberation you're talking about liberation as long as fits your extremely narrow concept of the word.

You also state that everything we do has an impact on others. You would do well to remember that when you dismiss women who have suffered because of their infertility whilst rubbing their nose in it by insisting you are allowed to parade your brood in places that state they are not allowed.

I could say you should also think about the impact that your many children have on the planet. But again you think that you are entitled to do whatever you chose.

mathanxiety · 10/11/2016 01:27

Actually Math I think it's you who needs to improve your comprehension. You talk about liberation. I see my choice to be child-free as liberating.

Anyone care to comment about how upsetting this is to people who are 'child free' but not by choice?

Because this imo is a bit crass.

mathanxiety · 10/11/2016 01:31

They can chose to socialise where and whenever they want.

Unless of course they want to breastfeed while they socialise.
If that is the case then they have to make a choice - baby or sophistication.

Biology really is destiny, isn't it?

I am talking about liberation in a much broader sense than you are, Restless. I am talking about liberation in terms of being free to be a mother and also a 'human' as described upthread in a very unfortunate turn of phrase. You are asking women to choose one or the other.

avamiah · 10/11/2016 01:58

OP, If a restaurant has a "No Children" policy then choose another restaurant, what's the problem?
It's got nothing to do with breastfeeding, they don't accept children.
I'm in London and never mind restaurants there are hair salons and beauty salons that don't allow children in .
There is nothing illegal about it, it's their choice, however they have to display a notice stating this they can't just turn you away at the door and say we don't take children as that would be Breaking the Law.

avamiah · 10/11/2016 02:16

And let me share this story,
About 9 years ago I was on holiday with my then boyfriend in Dubai.
We were staying in at the time the "Burj Al Arab"hotel, for 3 nights.
We booked into their famous underground restaurant which you go down in a "submarine"(lift) to the restaurant and you are surrounded by fish,baby sharks etc., you've got the picture.
There was a strict dress code in this restaurant that male diners had to wear a jacket .
Yes a jacket.
Anyway he didn't bring a smart jacket to Dubai in that heat and he thought because we were staying in the hotel he didn't need to wear one.
How wrong he was.
If you don't wan't to wear a jacket and they were happy to lend you one then go to another restaurant.
Simple.

kali110 · 10/11/2016 03:04

avamiah all fairness the op hasn't argued this, it was her husband
Grin
She actually agrees with majority of the posters.

Munstermonchgirl · 10/11/2016 06:24

Sadly your low grade essays aren't improving math. They demonstrate a lack of logical thinking, an inability to process and respond to alternative viewpoints and are mind numbingly repetitive.

But you seem keen to keep going so good luck with that.

Mindtrope · 10/11/2016 06:37

OP you are right.

I was heavily involved in the right to make breastfeeding legal in Scotland.

The law only applies to places where a child has the right to be, you still can't feed a baby anywhere.
So no tattoo parlours,
No over 21 clubs,
Not on a runway at an airport

If an establishment is adult only then that does not mean a baby has the right to be breastfed there ( or formula fed there) , or indeed be there.