AIBU to worry that my strangeness and mistakes are rubbing off on the children and making them unpopular?

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I have never really fit in with most people i know. I have always been happy as i am but i know that people do think i am a little odd. I don't do anything very out of the ordinary but its little things like the fact I don't drink alcohol or the fact i spend alot of time reading, I don;t really watch that much tv. I dont wear much or any makeup etc. In general I just get on with my own thing and not bother about other people but I have been told many times that i'm weird .

I keep making stupid mistakes - today for example there is a party at the school which was called a halloween party. So I let my 6 year old wear a witches dress (she saw it in the shop and wanted to get it to wear). When we got there no other children were dressed up they were just in jeans.

I have a large family of 6 children and up until this point I have never worried about that rubbing off on them and they are all healthy, happy children. Last year my son started getting badly bullied at school for being weird they started to call the whole family the weird "family name".

My dd just started secondary school and she is getting on ok but has been made fun of recently because they recently had a talent show and as she didnt know any popular songs she just made one up to sing. This was clearly the wrong thing to do. She apparently also answers too many questions in the lessons.

My son is now home educated as it got so bad - of course this just adds to the weird label but his anxiety had gone so high that we had no real choice. He is very happy now and thriving. My 3 next children still go to that school and my 7 year old is now getting upset because people are making fun of her for watching my little pony and barbie.

My 6 year old has no friends - this was actually an issue raised by her teacher who said there wasnt much they could do.

Someone recently said to me "wow you turned them into tiny versions of you".

I am just horrified and feel like i have ruined them!

Is it really possible that all my strangeness has rubbed off on them?
I know this sounds like a really silly thread but I am actually really upset.

Agree with what bicycle says. Do you know that every family in your child's class wasn't whittling a spoon or doing something equally interesting? It sounds as if you've put a high price on your family being 'weird' and 'interesting' that allows you to dismiss others without really getting to know them. I find it hugely bizarre that pp (not the op) are dismissing entire communities as 'clones'. Fgs, do you not think people might be interesting if you actually got to know them?

Where I live (SE) you wouldn't be seen as weird! In fact you sound like some of the braggy people on facebook. So you sound "aspirational".

I would be worried about your 6 year old, and I would be asking the school what they were going to do. Your child's emotional and social health is very much part of their responsibility, and they should be working on helping your DC fit in and develop social skills.

This is an epic thread!

We used to get bats around our home on an evening. DS loved them and I used to buy mealworms (live ones) which he would catapult into the air to feed them

This has been the highlight so far- reminded me of the Malcolm.in the middle episode when all the bats fly in and they have to force them all out.

Op you sound lovely and like a great mum. I was definitely weird in school, I was arty, and I watched alot of tv but it wasn't popular tv.

Bats, spoon-whittling, reading, none of that sounds in the slightest bit weird to me.

Not knowing what X-Factor/BGT is, and thus what to prep for a talent show does. There's not being into it, and then there's not even being aware of it/how it works. One is fine....

I read the link way down on this thread that someone posted on aspergers and it pretty much describes me and 3 of my children .
Even down to the tics - I had a lot of these when I was younger one of my children does but thankfully not very noticeable.

Maybe there is something in that. My dd knew that everyone else would sing a song they knew but she just didn't see the issue with not - it's hard to explain but to her it was fine.

My 6 year old has had an emotional/social referral but we haven't heard anything about it yet. I'm not sure what this is looking for tbh.

Well you could indeed be quite Aspie. Tis possible.

I like you OP. You sound like my family, odd and interesting. Our attitude to conformity is the same as Groucho's: we won't join clubs that would have us. I had and have very few friends; how the hell do people manage a wide acquaintance? It wasn't until I got a proper contact manager I could keep up with stuff.

That said, we are probably more...carnivorous. We avenge slights with glee and disproportionate vigour. Partly down to the red hair, partly due to high Baron Cohen scores. You sound much nicer. Possibly you might need to work on your Resting Bitch Face?

No advice I'm afraid. But just wanted to say you do sound lovely, and so do your kids.

You all sound brilliant. Genuinely interesting and quirky.

One of my dcs is regularly described as weird but he's the kindest, funniest child I know and I'm incredibly proud of him and all his eccentricities.

He's mildly on the spectrum and at the age where any difference is seen as a bad thing by his peers. It's such a shame society conditions us to conform. Individuality is way more interesting.

I posted the aspergers link. My DS has ASD, I probably have a few traits myself. If you are Aspie you're in good company some famous people who are believed to be aspie include Bill Gates (microsoft) Robin Williams and Susan Boyle. Being Aspie doesn't make you weird or abnormal just different to the majority who are NT.

I was bullied at school for being weird. I liked to wear different clothes from my schoolmates, liked different music etc. It was very hard to fit in and I think I suffered with anxiety a lot (still do sometimes). It got better when we were put into sets at school. Then at sixth form everybody wanted to be weird and stand out.

I think this is quite common really. I think Alan Bennett said something like this: "every family has a secret, and that is that they are not like other families".

Don't tell your kids they have to change themselves to fit in. As hard as it is to be the weird kid, it's so much harder making yourself crazy trying to fit in. Ever noticed that those girls who all wear the same clothes and have the same haircut are always falling out and playing mind games? Inside I bet they're all weird kids just dying to break free.

I think friendships and bullying affect every child, and it's really hard not to worry about your kids when you remember how much you hated it all.

You sound just like me in that you dont drink, dont wear make up and read and I like myself and my similar family, do no definitely not weird, just fine! Please dont worry at all. One of my sons has aspergers, the others dont but we all have traits, again this is fine. Xx

someone posted on aspergers . . . Even down to the tics

I didn't have tics - but I used to squeak. I didn't even know I was doing it, but it drove my mother and teachers crackers.

THEM: Stop squeaking for Christ's sake! (sorry for blasphemy - quoting)

ME: I'm not squeaking.

ENTIRE CLASS : YES YOU ARE!!!!

Don't tell your kids they have to change themselves to fit in. As hard as it is to be the weird kid, it's so much harder making yourself crazy trying to fit in

^^ THIS ^^

Pretty well all the most successful people in history have been weird. Embrace it! Hope your Dd had fun at the party. Bet there were loads of kids wishing they had a witch dress!

OP I think you sound lovely and interesting and your kids sound great. I'm sorry you're having a hard time - people can be shits.

Forgot to copy this from HeadDreamer yesterday

I don't drink alcohol or the fact i spend alot of time reading, I don;t really watch that much tv. I dont wear much or any makeup etc. In general I just get on with my own thing and not bother about other people'

^^ This. (This is me too)

Life would be incredibly boring if we were all the same.
I hope some of these posts are of some reassurance (and help) to you, OP

My Parents were eccentric. It's hard to explain what eccentric is and I couldn't give examples. We weren't allowed wear make up and they dressed us ion old-fashioned clothing and gave us odd hairstyles. We weren't bullied as we went to a lovely provate school. But none of us had any friends and has serious self esteem issues. It wasn't until I was 18 and went to University that I went on a discovery of who I am and I'm now a very popular woman with lots of friends.

Being a bit weird can definitely effect children.

In my family non weird people are known as "scary straights" or 'plastic people ". I've always found high levels of conforming, needing to fit in, keeping up with the Joneses to be a dull, and ( to me) soul destroying way to live. I know it works for some people, and I'm fine with that, but I know it's not for me.
Surely one of life's lesson is to learn to love yourself, warts and all? Don't be so harsh on yourself, you and your family sound great to me.

I'm really surprisedat the advice on needing to conform. Justbe yourself and supports dcs to b themselves.?

I haven't been able to read all the thread but what I felt from reading your original post was that you are actually being a little judgemental. Widen your circle of acquaintances and you should find (as on this thread) that plenty of people don't think reading a lot or wearing no make-up is at all weird. Also, swimming and beavers/scouts is really not enough activities per week for your children to be able to meet playmates who maybe more on their 'level'. Try activities which suit your family ethos, forest schools/outward bound, kids literary festivals, camping/music festivals, science/coding camps, poetry recitals/competitions, volunteer schemes, woodwork/craft workshops, library reading challenges/groups. Even start your own meet-up group for eg: large families or 'alternative lifestyle' families.
Essentially, the point is this, you have identified that some of your kids are unhappy, make proactive choices to help them enjoy life more.
Good luck, I think you sound super. All the best x

getting I do not conform in more ways than you can think.
Depending on where you live it is really important to think of the ways you CAN conform (usually the ones that dont matter that much to you but make relationships much easier. Knowing whats going on with the X factor could be one).
The reason for that is that otherwise you end up completely isolated.

So yes you are right, being yourself should be enough. And you shouldn't need to have to make you fit within whatever pigeonhole.
But if you dont and you end up ostracised or completely alone or bullied, it doesnt quite work either.

The way I see it, it's like moving to a foreign country. Yes you are still you and still like marmite and Yorkshire tea but if you want to be able to mix with the locals and integrate within that country, you'd better offer coffee or wine to your guests.

Btw I dont mean that the OP or her dcs have to change in any way or form.
But it does make things easier if you are also able to deal with the differences and find the common ground.

You just haven't found your tribe yet. And when you do, I'm in it! Be yourself OP, you sound great! X X X

We are also bat enthusiasts!