AIBU to worry that my strangeness and mistakes are rubbing off on the children and making them unpopular?

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I have never really fit in with most people i know. I have always been happy as i am but i know that people do think i am a little odd. I don't do anything very out of the ordinary but its little things like the fact I don't drink alcohol or the fact i spend alot of time reading, I don;t really watch that much tv. I dont wear much or any makeup etc. In general I just get on with my own thing and not bother about other people but I have been told many times that i'm weird .

I keep making stupid mistakes - today for example there is a party at the school which was called a halloween party. So I let my 6 year old wear a witches dress (she saw it in the shop and wanted to get it to wear). When we got there no other children were dressed up they were just in jeans.

I have a large family of 6 children and up until this point I have never worried about that rubbing off on them and they are all healthy, happy children. Last year my son started getting badly bullied at school for being weird they started to call the whole family the weird "family name".

My dd just started secondary school and she is getting on ok but has been made fun of recently because they recently had a talent show and as she didnt know any popular songs she just made one up to sing. This was clearly the wrong thing to do. She apparently also answers too many questions in the lessons.

My son is now home educated as it got so bad - of course this just adds to the weird label but his anxiety had gone so high that we had no real choice. He is very happy now and thriving. My 3 next children still go to that school and my 7 year old is now getting upset because people are making fun of her for watching my little pony and barbie.

My 6 year old has no friends - this was actually an issue raised by her teacher who said there wasnt much they could do.

Someone recently said to me "wow you turned them into tiny versions of you".

I am just horrified and feel like i have ruined them!

Is it really possible that all my strangeness has rubbed off on them?
I know this sounds like a really silly thread but I am actually really upset.

Sorry I can't help with the kids thing. But I want to say you are't weird. This is basically me:
I don't drink alcohol or the fact i spend alot of time reading, I don;t really watch that much tv. I dont wear much or any makeup etc. In general I just get on with my own thing and not bother about other people

My childhood was like this. We were poor, had no television, read books and played board games, wore funny clothes (my mum was both British in another country, and socially clueless at fitting in).

Thankfully I was never bullied. But I remember vividly the unpleasantness of teachers who picked favourites, and other parents who didn't like the idea of their children having playdates on the wrong side of town (or anywhere but the exclusive country club they had memberships to).

I survived, thrived, discovered that it was more important to be a happy, kind, fulfilled person than to be 'normal'. You need to get to some different places and meet some nice friends. Try the Quakers (Society of Friends) or Unitarian Universalists. Try groups of home educators, if you don't already.

I have been that a bit 'different' child and it's not that fun not being popular. I think you have to give your children both the confidence to be themselves, but also the tools to fit in if that's important for them, which it is to most children and teens. By that I mean don't do things like dress them very differently if that's not their thing, or stop them watching TV or going online if again, that's a way of them bonding with other children. It doesn't sound like you are doing that at all though.

Everything else you are doing sounds great, swimming and Brownies, and you sound like a nice family. Hang out with other nice families who you have something in common with too, if you can. Facilitate playdates and have birthday parties, even if it means gritting your teeth, to get your 6 year old some more friends. I think I'd try to deal with each of your problems individually with each child, rather than rolling them all into one 'oh my god we are weird' explanation. The 7 year old being teased needs some strategies for sticking up for her choices, the 6 year old some opportunities to make friends (and perhaps finding out why). The school should be zero tolerance on any name-calling or teasing, it is worrying you have already removed a child from there and it may be this isn't the right school for you.

Just want to say and repeat what others are saying too - you're not at all weird. You are you and there is nothing wrong with that. I've never thought I fitted in being moved around the world and sent to different schools didn't help either
You sound like a perfectly normal family to me. Don't aim for the glossy magazine type - they really don't exist although there are plenty who think they are.
When people aren't what they expect it tends to make them a little uncomfortable and they would rather seek out people who make them comfy and of course being cool by association helps. Kids are especially like this growing up. Plenty of parents too, ime.

Not sure what advice to give to help you help your children fit in better - if they want that (and a lot of children do).
Embrace being unique rather than a sheep. Nothing against sheep personalities but my gawd the best I have met have been skull-numbingly dull.
I would take your sisters remark as a compliment.

You sound like a great family. It's probably the school environment that is a bit conventional. My DD aged 12 adores My Little Pony and still has her Christmas cards up from last Christmas. She's loving high school as there is a large variety of people to be friends with. I hope you all find your niche eventually.
I recommend the film 'Captain Fantastic' to make you feel very mainstream.

This is so sad

OP, I've no practical advice to offer but just wanted you to know that the world is probably kinder than you think. Give your children loads of love and create the space for them to celebrate their individuality and eventually they will embrace it, I'm sure.

When I was small, my DF refused to buy me the latest 'fad' clothing (he didn't want 'sheep' children) so I always ended up the odd-one out in school and yes, kids were cruel. But when I was 16, I won the award for 'Best dressed person in school' because I threw together really original outfits and made my own accessories. I know that sounds really superficial, but it's an example of where a 'weakness' eventually became a strength. I stood out and didn't give a fuck and by my mid-teens, my peers thought that I was 'cool' rather than just odd.

Sorry, that's a bit of a rubbish story but honestly, I relate to what you are saying and things will be okay. As long as they know that they are loved, things will eventually work themselves out.

And btw, you sound like a lovely, caring mum

I think this is a really good point - I think I'd try to deal with each of your problems individually with each child, rather than rolling them all into one 'oh my god we are weird' explanation.

Also, and this is NOT meant to sound trivialising as all the problems you list are completely valid and upsetting (though not insurmountable), I think that with six kids you're probably likely to just have problems come up a lot because of the numbers thing. Growing up is super-hard and kids do have problems. It doesn't necessarily mean there's any overall problem that needs to be solved. That's not to say that you should in any way act as if bullying behaviour is acceptable, because of course it's not.

Nothing weird about you or your children. You all sound great. You read, so do most interesting people, have great things on your walls, you should see the stuff We have on our walls ; Huge Bowie prints , a massive linen print of a skeleton which is up all year round, cos skeletons aren't just for Halloween, huge Monet poppy field print that fills one wall, old bakalite phones, and books, books and yet more books.., if you are weird op, then there are lots of us around, and we weird ones are brilliant!

I grew up in a small town and recognise much of what you are describing. My survival tactics would be:-

1. Look at the clothes that the other children wear. Offer to buy your DC similar clothes if they want to wear them. My DM often bought me clothes that were a bit too "out there" for our small town and other kids did notice and tease me for it.

1. Identify the aspects of popular culture that are particularly important to the DC's classmates. Spend a small amount of time each week keeping up to date with them. Eg. if X Factor is important, make sure your kids spend a small amount of time reading up about the latest developments at the weekend. There's no need to watch the whole show. It'll give the DC common currency to talk about with their friends if they are up to speed with the show.

1. Explain to your DC that difference is good, and it doesn't mean that anyone is any better or any worse than anyone else. The people who found it hardest in my small town were the ones who gave out an impression that they looked down on other people (they may not have done, but that was the impression). People are afraid of difference, and may feel threatened by someone who looks and acts differently. One person from my small town did dress quite differently but always had a great big smile on her face which helped to break down any barriers.

Your family sounds fab. I found things got a little better when I went to High School as there were more kids in each year and so it was easier to find other people who were maybe slightly alternative.

I agree with others, you sound like a wonderful parent/person/family (although the size of it is slightly weird)

I also think you might live in a v conservative area. My friends 7 yr old Ds in Brighton meditate and have v long hair. The kids here all do the dab dance (no I dunno what it is) when they play footy and wear lots of hair gel. Neither way is weird but it can be tough to be/feel different.

Well, I don'tknow about small town mentality in this case, but certainly the schools/parents don't sound nice.

Only one 6yr old dressed up for a Halloween party?-I'd assumed that I missed the memo saying not to dress up!

No shows to a 6yr olds party-I'm assuming that no one had the manners to accept or decline?

Made fun of for not singing a pop song?

All sounds awful.

Apparently another thing that is odd is that dh and I saw a YouTube video of someone carving a wooden spoon and we spent Saturday carving a spoon all 8 of us crowded out the garden in the rain around a wooden spoon.

Well that may be a bit weird but it's also completely fabulous and long may that kind of parenting weirdness continue.

I think you sound like a lovely mum, OP, and your kids are lucky to have you.

I was always the 'weird' one at school and am quite an odd adult. Fitting in is totally over-rated, IMO.

Makes me sad to see you say these things about yourself - you sound like a caring, decent person who is obviously potty about her children - if that's weird then so be it ...... they all have each other too which is lovely - I am an only child and hated it (still do). It's sad to think that anyone should think you're 'weird' and awful for a friend to say that to you - not much of a friend. Be you, enjoy your children and just bring them up knowing that school days are hard on a lot of young people - just tell them to be themselves and like themselves and you do the same

OP you don't sound weird at all. Your family sounds just like ours.

We live on an estate where there are a lot of 'clone' families and so we do sometimes stand out but it never really bothered me (not enough to change to be more like them at least)

Small towns and villages can be like this. I consider myself quirky not weird. Tbh I don't care what others rhink.

Wow thanks for all the replies

We live in the north west in a small but very poor area. I'm not sure how much that will change things we have lived here a long time

My younger daughter just came back from the party and she doesn't seem traumatised by her costume !

I'm not getting this from your posts at all OP, but do you think you come across as a bit superior in real life?

I mean, if someone told me "Oh our children don't watch television, we do educational crafts and spent our weekend Spoon Whittling in the rain" I'd be a bit [hmmm].

The way you've written about it here is definitely not wierd. As in, something interested you, you all got absorbed in it in a slightly pleasantly barmy way. Exactly how a mate would describe it to me, and I'd only tease them in an affectionate way about it. But I can see how it could come across as a bit intellectually snooty.

Snap thats were I lived too.

Splintery - I don't watch that much tv my kids do! They just tend to stick to YouTube and Netflix

wow you turned them into tiny versions of you it would be a weird family indeed whose children weren't tiny versions of ourselves. Your children will grow up to do their own thing and think for themselves and they wont feel such a need to 'fit in' or conform. Thats not a bad thing. Our family is also not conventional in that sense. I have two DC's the eldest who is 17 has never brought a friend home. The youngest 14 cant go two days without having his friends round. . Dont change OP. Be who you are. Life is too short to please the crowd. Your children will thrive.

We also play family world of warcraft afternoons and do family raids -

My area is a 'clone' area and it's very frustrating and can lead to isolation. Ds2 can't even play out on the estate as he gets bullied even before he's spoken to anyone they can detect somebody who's different at 200 yards.

That is great that she had a good time! I believe paraphrasing the title of a new book, she is Upping Her Ziggy! Nothing wrong with that.