AIBU to worry that my strangeness and mistakes are rubbing off on the children and making them unpopular?

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I have never really fit in with most people i know. I have always been happy as i am but i know that people do think i am a little odd. I don't do anything very out of the ordinary but its little things like the fact I don't drink alcohol or the fact i spend alot of time reading, I don;t really watch that much tv. I dont wear much or any makeup etc. In general I just get on with my own thing and not bother about other people but I have been told many times that i'm weird .

I keep making stupid mistakes - today for example there is a party at the school which was called a halloween party. So I let my 6 year old wear a witches dress (she saw it in the shop and wanted to get it to wear). When we got there no other children were dressed up they were just in jeans.

I have a large family of 6 children and up until this point I have never worried about that rubbing off on them and they are all healthy, happy children. Last year my son started getting badly bullied at school for being weird they started to call the whole family the weird "family name".

My dd just started secondary school and she is getting on ok but has been made fun of recently because they recently had a talent show and as she didnt know any popular songs she just made one up to sing. This was clearly the wrong thing to do. She apparently also answers too many questions in the lessons.

My son is now home educated as it got so bad - of course this just adds to the weird label but his anxiety had gone so high that we had no real choice. He is very happy now and thriving. My 3 next children still go to that school and my 7 year old is now getting upset because people are making fun of her for watching my little pony and barbie.

My 6 year old has no friends - this was actually an issue raised by her teacher who said there wasnt much they could do.

Someone recently said to me "wow you turned them into tiny versions of you".

I am just horrified and feel like i have ruined them!

Is it really possible that all my strangeness has rubbed off on them?
I know this sounds like a really silly thread but I am actually really upset.

Apparently another thing that is odd is that dh and I saw a YouTube video of someone carving a wooden spoon and we spent Saturday carving a spoon all 8 of us crowded out the garden in the rain around a wooden spoon.

I admit maybe that is odd so I will allow my sister that

Are your children kind, respectful and empathetic? Do they try their best and work hard? Are they happy, warm and fed? I'm certain the answer is yes, and that's all that matters.

I think if this was me, I would teach my DC that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and that as humans we need to have thick skin.

You sound like a lovely mother (I can see this by your concern for your DC), and just because you read books and don't care about your looks, it doesn't make you weird or strange.

My response to the lady who mentioned that your children were mini me's would be, 'lucky your DC turned out like their DF'.

So your weirdess consists of you reading books, not watching too much tv, not drinking and being a bit of introvert. Thats not weird in my book!

Witch dress incident- was there a letter telling whether they come dressed in costumes? Easy to miss it and we've all done it. Nothing weird.
Other DD watched pony and barbie films at 7- whats weird about that? Nothing!
Other DD is obviously smart, is that weird? No!
You all sound perfectly 'normal' to me. And frankly, whoever said that thing about litthe versions of you insinuating it's a bad thing is a cunt.

You don't sound particularly weird from your description (but I am weird and so my bar is high). You sound amazing and they will be like you in some ways, but nothing you have encouraged or they have done is bad thing.

I think the reaction they are getting at school is some of the problem. I think being called the weird "family name" has to stop in school. I'd speak to the teacher. Maybe look for opportunities for your 6 yr old to develop friendships?

I think schools can be real pressure houses to be conformist. Kids will pick up on the most minor differences to use as an 'excuse' for teasing/shaming/bullying. But it's not the differences that actually cause the problem.

I.e. a 'popular' kid brings in a different kind of school bag, suddenly its a trend and everyone else gets one. But if a kid who is perceived to be 'weaker' brings in a different school bag then the other kids mock them for being different. So it's not actually about the school bag at all, it's to do with the pecking order.

I was a kid who was desperate to 'fit in' at school and it took me a long time to realise that the only difference between being 'weirdly different' and 'fashionably ahead of the curve different' is attitude. But my life got so much easier when I did.

Your daughter in a Halloween dress when the other kids are in jeans is not a 'mistake' its your daughter getting the outfit she wants, and who gives a crap what the other kids wore?

You need to hold your head up high and say 'this is who I am, other peoples opinions don't matter' and encourage your kids to do the same. There's nothing wrong with you or your kids.

Op I think you need to relax about the perceived oddness. I don't think anyone would call a family doing crafts together on a Sunday "odd". You're just doing a nice activity together, it sounds absolutely lovely and many families spend their Sundays doing some equivalent. I think you need to just stop worrying about how your behaviour is perceived by the outside world. No one will judge you for spoon whittling, and even if they did, who cares?

You sound like my kind of person OP!
It sounds like you're cultured and intelligent. I love the responses from others.
What's wrong with weird?!

I don't think you sound weird at all. The Halloween thing is totally something I'd do.
The correct response to this would be 'be who you are and be proud' but after my experience of not fitting in at school I really want to say that I think you should try to help them fit in a bit more. Maybe have the radio on in the house/car on a station that plays current music so you're all listening to it together?

I'm wondering if this is a small town thing?! We'd whittle a spoon or do crafts, treasure hunt's whatever and noone would blink an eye! The families we know often do stuff like that and I thought we were totally normal?! 😕

Yes I agree with the PP who said there's so much pressure at schools for kids to fit in. When you compare this to university, and adult life, where there is a lot more room for different people with different personality types. You don't need to try and mould your kids into 'normal' people who are nothing like you. It's okay for them to inherit your eccentricities. This way they'll develop their own unique interests, hobbies, fashions etc and they'll make friends with like minded people when they're older, even if they might be a slightly lonely 'weird kid' at school.

I think you all sound great and the people who think you're weird need to give their heads a wobble.

I'm furious about the teacher who thinks your DD 'answers too many questions in the lessons.' Aren't educators meant to 'lead out', in the literal meaning of the word?

I'd take the teacher to task on that, and also your sister, whose comment was downright rude (and by the way, 'the truth' is not always a) true or b) the right thing to say).

Other than that, be proud to be a reader and a thinker and a crafter, and to have imaginative, lively and curious children.

Nothing wrong with any of you - you are just not boring, convention seeking lemmings.

The 6 year old not having friends may well pass. My son had no friends at that age and would spend break times sitting on the school's friendship bench looking forlorn. Now at age 12 he is very popular - his popularity started to increase from about the age of 10. It was partly that he became friendly with boys at school who were in the same football club as him, but also partly self awareness...When he was 6 and with no one to play with he would explain that he would ask to join others games but they wouldn't let him. This was probably because he would always try to change the game to suit what he wanted to do! (possibly not a winning formula for friendship)

I think you perhaps need to get yourself in the loop as regards things like parties: it's okay to ask another mum what her child is wearing for instance.

As for the popular culture thing, DS2 has recently complained he feels excluded when his friends talk about X Factor and Strictly and that sort of programme. I have told him that he's welcome to watch but so far it hasn't grabbed his interest. The same with the cheesy pop his friends are into; he's much more au fait with Bob Dylan and Jonny Cash.

If it's any consolation, our older kids used to sometimes complain that we didn't like the same stuff other people's families did. Now they are older they have "found their people" and fit in effortlessly.

We talk a lot about weirdness in our house. One of my DC is unusual. Adorable and unusual and he and other DC know it.

He has friends and we talk about the word weird. He knows it can mean something bad but he also knows it means one of a kind, interesting, original - and 'no one else like me'.

We want him to own the weirdness. It's ok.

You're not weird and you haven't turned your children weird. Theyre like you because they're genetically yours.
I don't think it's helpful enough to just tell you that you sound lovely and the other kids are bullies. You need practical help.
I think you need to support the kids to some extent to know how the other tribe lives but you also need to find your sort of people for them to mix with e.g. home ed groups etc.
If you lived in Chorlton in Manchester you'd be well set up!!

Oddness is fine, and not being popular is fine.

Having the social skills and cultural capital to fit in when desirable (by which I mean desired by the person, not the environment) is also fine.

The key question would be "what do your children really want?".

Dsis is and has always been what you would term as weird. I on the other hand valued both fitting in and standing out in a positive way - so building social capital was important to me.

I don't watch much tv, wear no makeup most days, don't drink alcohol except on very special occasions and generally feel irritated by more people but I think my three have turned out ok . My Ds (14) is a bit quiet with only one or two friends but both my dds are popular with lots of friends.

You're not weird, there's lots of people like you. Kids just find the smallest thing different to pick on little shits and I've found if one mum isn't mates with another mum to sort it out they just continue. I'm sure your children will be totally fine and grow up to be lovely adults x

DD is both "weird" and "popular" - the two aren't mutually exclusive, BTW.

Your family sounds like people I'd genuinely enjoy being around - sometimes "weird" just means "not like us". In a town of people just like you, they would be the weird family, its all relative!

I hate the word weird being applied to people. If you and your family are "weird" op then all of us are. Why should we all have to conform to what people think we should be. It doesn't matter what we wear, what music we like, what tv we watch, what the hell has it got to do with anyone else.

When my dcs were at school you got called "weird" if you didn't wear the right shoes or trainers. It was ridiculous. You aren't "weird" at all, you are who you are. How awful that no one turned up for your Dds birthday, but rest assured, it won't always be like that. As your children grow, their good qualities which I'm sure they have many of will be noticed by other children and they will become friends.

Take no notice of the nasty kids, your children will make friends with children who can see beyond all the "non-conformity" and relish them for who they are.

Yes, you will rub off on your children, but you sound lovely so no harm in that. I'm guessing that they go to a school with children quite different to them, I imagine in a hippy stronghold they would fit in more than they are currently. Could you possibly change school? I did so with my daughter and we do have a longer school run now but she is happier.

Kids do seem to bond over popular culture which I struggle with as I'm not interested at all, but helping my dd find katy Perry and Taylor swift etc and watching adventure time together and getting her minrcraft seemed to cover all bases it has opened doors to bonding when being the new kid a few times. That said if they aren't interested and neither are you then I wouldn't bother, having their own interests will be a strength when they're older I'm sure.

Nothing you have said sounds weird, however I do know that there are many undiagnosed adults, particulary women, who have ASD, they spend their lives feeling that they don't quite fit in without knowing why, could this be you. It does often run in families so it could also affect your DC's.
You could try reading up on the subject to see if any of it sounds familier. Here's somewhere you could start. www.actionforaspergers.org/what-is-aspergers-syndrome/

One of the things that may be making you stand out is that you're a large family and that's quite unusual nowadays.
I'm from a large family too and some people see it as a marker for being different. Plus, since there are so few large families, people sometimes have preconceived ideas about what they can be like and about how they interact.
I would try not worry about rubbing off on your children. Although you're an important influence on them, they seem to have lots of outside influences with school, clubs, etc, too.

You don't sound weird, you sound independent minded and that's no bad thing. But not particularly out there.

I think you need to be having a chat with your children's teachers - that 'weird family name' shit needs stamping right into the ground and the teachers should be doing this IMO. They need to work with you on this.

School can be horrific, it is after all a totally artificial environment. When else in life are you forced to work and socialise with people based on having nothing more in common than your age? My DM always said that to me, and she was right. It just doesn't happen in adult life. It used to make me feel a lot better.

My experience of "weird" people is that they have no idea what makes them "weird": there's just a social loose screw which is apparent to everyone else but not from within themselves.

I point this out because, far from being "weird" everything on your list of your own eccentricities is decidedly banal. If everyone thinks you're "weird" I can guarantee it's nothing to do with "not wearing make up" and "reading books". Without meeting you it's impossible for us to say whether you're the screw-loose "weird" person or not.