AIBU to be p****** off with MIL

[Brighteyes27]

Lots of background to this but the latest is MIL tells me at the weekend as she is visiting her DD (DD has no family) over seas this Christmas. Supposedly MIL and my other SIL think we should all get together in December before she goes away. She said they have decided (between them) either we all go down to MIL (3 hours drive away for us) all stay in a hotel there and go out for a meal or we all go to SIL's 5 bed house (2.5 hours drive away for us). We can chose one of two weekends in December for the visit let her know and she will arrange it with my SIL and let us know. I wouldn't mind staying in a Premier Inn for 1 night in either location or a location mid way for us all and if we know now we could book and get a good deal. But basically AIBU to think the invite should come from SIL she is a busy woman, it is her home and not up to MIL to invite us to stay at SIL's. I wonder if she has engineered this situation to bully us all to meet up at the same time? Recently we had another cryptic invitation to stay at SIL's when MIL's daughter was visiting (again invite come from MIL) then it all went quiet and we had no idea what was happening. In the end DH spoke to his mum days before the event apparently MIL had made this suggestion but SIL hadn't said anything when she asked if we could stay so we had to see the family at another time. We could have booked a Premier Inn but communication all done by MIL!!! I get on with SIL but we're not massively close she works long hours and the main things we have in common is our gender, Manipulatice MIL, both have two kids and both love wine. She has a high powered full time job. I work pt and we have a lowly 3 bed semi. Both families have two children each. How shall I proceed so SIL knows we are not assuming we could stay there and so she knows it's not us pushing to meet up?

I think that MIL (although she sounds like she's controlling and a bossy boots) just wants to have her family together because she knows that it isn't likely. She's trying to organise things (without necessarily asking which isn't good) to fit in with a small window of opportunity but she either doesn't realise that you really aren't close to SIL or wishes you were close to SIL. When was the last time you saw SIL and nieces/nephews? We're not the closest to my SIL (used to be but not anymore) and we live over 200 miles away but we still make the effort to see them and get the kids together. I can't imagine having cousins that I didn't see at least once a year. The kids could get the chance to bond. Think of it as a once a year necessary evil for the sake of keeping in touch and perhaps stay in a travelodge for 1/2 nights that is an equal distance between yours and theirs so you can split the journey up.

Last saw them Feb/March time. I have tried to keep in touch and do enjoy their company when we get together but SIL fine f2f but either doesn't return calls or says she'll call and doesn't etc. When SIL first mentioned it was a reply to a text message from me asking if they had settled into their new home etc. To be honest weren't even sure whether MIL intended inviting us as has sometimes been the case on some occasions she's said having all four grand children together at the same time 'has been a bit much...it's better to see everybody separately as can be too busy and noisy'. Once MIL eventually mentioned it to us vaguely, we asked her and her daughter several times re:what's happening where are we going what night will she be available. Her daughter just kept saying she wasn't sure but thought probably the Saturday. Wasn't sure where we were meeting up so we couldn't book a hotel travel Lodge or otherwise. The hotel first suggested by MIL and daughter was because they knew of an offer. We looked into booking it the night it was first mentioned and were astounded at the price. The offer had gone. We checked the price ourselves directly with the hotel and found out the extortionate price ourselves. To be fair I don't think they realised it would be at least twice the price for a room if enough to house extra beds. We mentioned it was a bit steep for us and suggested we book a hotel with a family room near to it or should we try to find another hotel in another location. But getting responses was like pulling teeth. They insisted we might as well all just stay at SIL's as she's offered. We said are you sure she's offered for us to stay there as well as it will be a bit too much having everyone. No she's offered it'll be fine. I
Messaged SIL asking about something else and she replied but didn't mention anything about saying we could stay at here so I thought we probably couldn't. The main the here is not my jealousy but MIL
Always wants to take over and be in sole charge but at best she's last minute and not very organised but is easily miffed and left out if she isn't at the centre of things. SIL didn't phone last night will see if she phoned tonight or I'll try her at the weekend.

There is no issue. Stop being so passive aggressive and call your SIL on her mobile. If she doesn't answer, leave a brief voicemail or text her. It's not rocket science....

"Messaged SIL asking about something else and she replied but didn't mention anything about saying we could stay at here so I thought we probably couldn't."

"MIL said we were invited to stay at yours. Is that her idea or yours? We don't wish to impose"