To not want to learn to drive

[ThisUsernameIsAvailable]

I'm 33 and I have 4 children and my husband drives.

I have never wanted to learn to drive, my family have offered to buy my provisional, to teach me etc but I really don't want to, I've never had any interest in learning to drive.
I ride my bike if I want to go somewhere local, I have a trailer for shopping, if oh is working I use public transport if it's not riding distance (more than 15 miles or I need to get there quickly)

For some reason everyone thinks I need to learn to drive next year, I've had 4 offers of provisional license for Christmas/birthday

Sancia if you don't even have enough money to use the tram then of course you can't afford to learn to drive. But the OP is being gifted lessons so it will cost her nothing.

Walking is fine. Public transport is fine. But if you have the means to do it then driving opens up so many other options. Although it is a luxury.

poster ARumWithAView Tue

Quite it's nit limiting beacuse often they stay in the local area and don't see anyone if it's not local

We live in Watford my friend lives in London she dosent visit beacuse she can't drive it takes me 30 minutes in my car it would take her a few hours each way

So for her she fine beacuse she only dose things locally we couldn't even go strawberry picking this summer because it's off an A road and she had no way of getting there bar cab

Thanks Toast, I know it will take longer because of my dyspraxia, but after several attempts, I will call it a day if I have not passed.

poster PoisonousSmurf Tue 18-Oct-16 11:24:38
Some people have to drive. Our local shop is six miles away. The roads are too dangerous to walk (no pavements or lights). The buses only run twice a day.
Everyone drives here!
this if you live in London fair enough but if you live in a market town or rural you can't get anywhere with out driving I had my car in the garage for 3 weeks it's was awful

"I think it's very selfish to refuse to learn to drive and expect other people to ferry you and your four children around for the rest of your lives."

WTF? Was that directed at the OP? That other person she's expecting to ferry "her" four children around is their father for chrissakes.

Look, actually I just think if somebody doesn't want to drive then fine, don't.

But to suggest that being able to drive isn't a very useful skill to have is just weird.

I drive because where I live you either drive or you are stuck with either someone else who drives you around or you have to rely on a public transport. My commuting would go from 35 minutes to 2 hours in one direction without driving. During the weekends, I wouldn't be able to go to a nice carpark or a ZOO with my DD unless DH is driving and I wouldn't be able to do my weekly shopping, arrange to meet my friends somewhere nice because again, I'd need a car to get there.
To me, my car is a must and it means freedom.
I accept that people who have great public transport and everything within a walking distance available don't see the car as a necessity but I will never understand women who live around me and don't drive. And then whinge that they can't get out of the house and meet their friends somewhere.

nice carpark

nice forest park, that was it was ...

Clandestino I enjoyed zoo being in capital letters. As though visiting the zoo is a basic human right and you are incredulous at the thought of being denied going

thefishwife I know it depends whereabouts in Watford you stay and where in London your friend stays, but on Sunday I got the train from Watford to Euston and it took 18 minutes?

That's kind of the point though isn't it Toast?

You wanted to get from Watford to Euston which is clearly convenient for you. What if you needed to get to somewhere that wasn't so convenient?

My DH didn't learn to drive until a few years ago. Before he met me he lived in Glasgow and was fine on public transport and his bike. In our early years together I did all the driving, which was fine for all the day to day stuff (I don't mind driving) but honestly a bit of a pain whenever we travelled long distance to visit family or holidays. I have sciatica and it wasn't great for my back. I had to call my friend at 5 in the morning to take me to hospital when my waters broke cos DH couldn't take me. He eventually learnt when DS was 6 months, and it made a massive difference. He loves it and actually drives more often than me when we go somewhere together, we can share the long journeys and he has the option of taking the car somewhere if he's going by himself. We still have only one car and he still commutes by bike (in fact, we specifically live where we do because of the great cycle his commute is!) But it gives us more options as a family and makes things easier for me. And when DD was born, he could take me to hospital!

I'd have an honest conversation with your DH. It may affect him more than you realise because you can't drive.

(Of course, if he genuinely doesn't mind being the only driver then it's not an issue)

MIL in her 70s often says she wishes she had learnt to drive when she was younger, but like you she didn't see the need.

At the time FIL drove, so she didn't Have to, and with 3 DC it appeared to be an unnecessary cost.

Then she was left on her own, and recognises that she would be a lot more independent if she could drive herself.

I'm having driving lessons. I hate them. It all feels very pointless cos I won't be able to afford a car even when I do pass. It's stressful and terrifying. I've started so I'll finish, but OP I do not blame you at all.

Fair enough to not want to drive but unless you're in a city and never visit people and places in the countryside and only plan holidays in places with public transport and have no wish to go elsewhere it is hard to believe it is just as convenient not to have a car. My 2 year old has a party on Sunday, it is a 15 minute drive. Not walkable due to country roads. On the bus it will take an hour (2 busses) and I will be there 50 minutes early or 40 minutes late. Far easier just to jump in the car.

I'm only in my early twenties and I can't drive yet, but I do have a provisional and I do intend to learn at some point within the next few years. I have Asperger's which impacts my coordination, proprioception etc so I'm not actually sure if I will be able to learn to drive or not which does worry me. But I am going to give it a go, only on automatic to start with as that will be one less burden for me. I do hope I can learn. It will give me more flexibility in terms of going places when I can't rely properly on poor public transport, and make going on trips/weekends away more easily possible, and to improve job prospects - it will be necessary for the profession that I want to enter as it often involves travelling.

The reason I'm not learning right now is because I would struggle with time commitment but mainly just due to the expense, I really can't afford lessons at the moment. If you have people offering to finance them then I would jump at the opportunity! You've got nothing to lose and only things to gain from it.

I think it totally depends on where you live and where the vast majority of your family and friends live. For example, living in Edinburgh, I didn't need to drive, and nor did my DSis and her boyfriend. However, to visit our parents in rural Aberdeenshire, we had to rely on trains, buses and lifts. There's one train every 2 hours from Aberdeen to Dad's nearest station, and then it's still 2 miles to his house - no bus. My sister's boyfriend's parents live in Donegal. They would spend about 5 hours on the bus between Dublin and Donegal. I moved out of town and learned to drive. DSis and her boyfriend also learned to drive, and although they rarely use the car week to week, it means they can visit people much more easily.

I also have a friend whose mum doesn't drive. Her parents live in the absolute back of beyond - a good 5 miles from the nearest small town, with only an erratic and infrequent bus service when you do get there. It is madness to only have one driver in that situation. They're 60-odd now.

My tuppence-worth - if you live in a city you may not need to drive, but if you're regularly visiting people who live rurally, then you probably do. If you live rurally then you ought to be able to drive even if you don't do it much, in case of unforeseen changes to your circumstances (eg your DH becomes unable to drive).

I live rurally and my plan is to move back into the city when I get old and decrepit. I'll get a ground-floor flat and live a happy life pottering to the corner shop/getting the bus to the supermarket with my wee trolley, and walking very slowly to the secondhand book shops for a browse.

No she dosent live in central London

I've noticed that quite often a poster will say, "I don't drive so..." and I find it so odd. I am of the belief that adults should have the ability to drive unless there is a reason they can't. But of course that is just my opinion.

I don't know any adults who can't drive, think lesser of those who won't and may not be with DP if he refused to learn. Sorry - I'm being very very honest!

Meadowhay i have the same co-ordination issues, took 2 attempts but i managed it :)

my mums 67, she never learnt to drive, now she wishes she had when she was younger

I have 2 children, am 40 and believe it or not get by just fine without being able to drive! It's astonishing that so many people think OP is being selfish or limiting the lives of her children by not driving 😳 I take my children places on public transport - planes, trains and buses and if I can't quite reach somewhere on public transport I take a taxi!

I'd ask about emergencies? If something happened (not bad enough for an ambulance) and you needed to get either yourself or children/DH to hospital? Would you have to knock on neighbour's doors for help, thus causing panic and delay?

A non-driving friend's husband trapped his fingers in the car door, he couldn't bear the sight of blood and fainted, children in the back seat. This was the catalyst so she learned to drive in her 30's.

I learned after moving from a large town with great public transport to a smaller town which wasn't so good on that front. I learned to drive at the age of 54 so it was rather late. The actual learning isn't always fun but perseverance is key.

I thought I'd never get the hang of it but in the end I did. Now I drive a small semi-automatic and I love it. If I can learn anyone can, even you - so I'd say go for it. The thing is to get a sympathetic instructor - if the first one doesn't suit try another. It's so worthwhile and the independence is great.

I haven't read all the posts, so apologies if I repeat anything. OP, I don't blame you, and I don't know your circumstances - if it's cost, fear or SEN, then it's very different. All I know is that being able to drive and take your DCs to places, often at short notice, is very liberating and opens up new worlds. I wouldn't want to rely on a partner all the time - perhaps people are fed up of it, too and the offers of help with the test are strong hints? Incidentally DH couldn't drive for years and I didn't mind taking him places, but driving has made a huge difference to our family and his career. Good luck, OP .

SoMuch it costs a bloody lot of money to pay for lessons and buy a car. I have just learnt to drive and although I passed first time I paid almost £1k for lessons, and now £6.5k for a mediocre car, plus £1k in insuring it.

Has it occurred to you that maybe some people don't want to tell you they just can't afford it? Is that a good enough reason for you?

With children I would want to be able to drive in case of emergency, but if you feel you don't need to drive then don't. My sister learnt to drive 5 years ago and hasn't driven since, massive waste of money.