Family organised party in our home without consulting me and DH

[DibDobs2020]

Is that weird? We were invited when we had finished work. They said they'd have dinner ready for us when we got in. And to be fair Mum was looking after our kids for part of the evening. But they arranged to all come to our house - cousins, aunties, bros - without asking us first. When I asked why they were coming to us it was because my bros house 'was a bit of a mess'. Nice to have a family so comfortable around us...but still....is it odd....or am I becoming upright in my middle age.....

Do they have a key?

Well, no harm done because obviously you said "no, that's not happening", didn't you?

Um. Wtf?

I did say 'erm maybe not...as nice as I could...and then felt I was being all high maintenance. They do have a key...

Yes it's odd but it's always nice to see family so if just go with the flow.

*I'd

My parents have a key to my house but that wouldn't arrange a party or even let themselves in for any reason without asking me. So I would say it's very weird behaviour!

You don't say what the party is for? Was it one of your birthdays? If it was a surprise for you I'd be happy..but my family don't live near so I would love it. I wish my family all lived close enough to be able to pop in for a party.

The mum didn't let herself in did she? She was looking after the kids?

I think it's quite nice. Clearly I must be too laid back .
Did they help tidy up?

pardonwhat they would help tidy up. They'd cook dinner. They'd look after kids. Just feels odd to tell me rather than ask me. It's why I'm wondering AIBU I guess! Doesn't happen a lot but they will sometimes turn up with random guests we don't know. It's nice they are relaxed around us but sometimes....well....it is our home!

I think this is shockingly cheeky and totally out of order. I would have responded "ha ha ha, errr I don't think so" - then changed the locks.

What was the party for?

It actually sounds to me like they wanted a get together, and your house is nicer, bigger or whatever and they would use it as their preferred venue, they have only invited you so they can pretend it is your party and not theirs. Bugger that.

No, that's not normal.
At the very least they should have checked with you before inviting a bunch of rellies!

My MIL tried a very minor version of this on me in the early days - invited one of her random friends to a family thing for DS1 - I wasn't happy. I didn't know the woman, she had no place there, and she wasn't invited again. (Don't get me wrong, I wasn't rude to her - I just asked DH to make sure that his mum didn't invite along randoms to our parties again!)

I'm not quite following the timeline. Have they been and had this party? Or are they intending to?

If the latter, tell them no and ask for your key back. If the former, ask for your key back.

Very odd

I would hate this, but I'm horribly antisocial.

Cooking dinner for you - yes, that's fine. Rather nice actually.

Inviting other people without asking first - Nooo! That's outrageous!

It's not always nice to see family

Not on, not on at all

yes to making you dinner. so thoughtful, and really helpful with the kids. but inviting another load of people???? whoooaah! so not on. esp when you just want to relax and have a quiet evening.

if this is the price of her looking after your kids i'd be thinking again...

Is it possible that your Mum thought she had asked you? You know her - is this typical of her or a bit unusual - if unusual I would suggest she has simply made a mistake and assumed she or someone else had asked or at least mentioned. Or it happened really spontaneously and your Mum did not really get to think about it from your perspective. Would she be quite happy if someone did this to her? If asked would you almost certainly have said it was fine?

When I see these sort of posts I always think causing a big family issue over something like this is not really worth it. You sound like you have a lovely family who support each other and are comfortable and want to spend time with each other - sometimes this can have a downside.

By all means mention you found it a bit difficult and hint you would rather not have it happen again but weigh it up against all the good things your family offer you.

just for interest I cannot imagine my Mum doing this but can definitely imagine my grown up daughters doing it!!!!

Sounds like my MIL. Depending on why they are looking after the DC I would say I'm for too echausted/stressed/wound up/ to have a house full of people so it's not happening.

So has the party happened, or have you been informed that it will ? I wouldn't be happy with this - especially the bit about being invited to your own house ! Is it a party for you or one of your children ?