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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've done the right thing haven't I ?

87 replies

QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:03

Heeellllllppp !

Currently mid tantrum from DS age 6. It is epic .

I'm talking screaming and shouting and lashing out epic .
This is how it unfolded:

Showered DS and got him in to his PJs - all fine .

DS starts colouring in his pictures.

I ask him to put them away and choose a story . He ignores me and carries on colouring in .

So I tell him he has to the count of 3 to choose a story or I will pick one for us to read .

He ignored me and carried on colouring.

For background - DS is constantly ignoring me at the minute . Every request is met by "one moment" followed by more "one moments".

It's driving me bonkers .

So I picked the story and started reading - telling him I was starting without him and if he misses it because he's ignoring me then it's his own fault.

He goes to the book shelf and picks a story .

I said no , too late and said we are having the story I picked .

He kicked off massively ! In the midst of it he kicked me hard (I think he was aiming for the book but he hit my arm and it hurt !).

So I said no story and walked out .

He's screaming in his room .

The neighbours will hate me !

I'm doubting myself !

He's shouting that his brother had a story (he did - he picked one when I asked him to!) .

Should I give in?

The neighbours will hate me ! Shock

OP posts:
HarryPottersMagicWand · 16/10/2016 20:05

No of course you shouldn't give in! What kind of message will that send him, kick off big time and mummy will give you what you want.

You should have said "if you don't pack it away by the time I count to 3, you don't get a story."

Rumtopf · 16/10/2016 20:06

I wouldn't.
I'd go in and talk to him quietly and settle him down but I wouldn't read a story after that performance.

ConvincingLiar · 16/10/2016 20:08

Don't give in!

M0nstersinthecl0set · 16/10/2016 20:09

Definitely not. You've done the right thing, his choice, his loss. Sympathy that he's sad, but no relenting.

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:10

I've gone in to try and settle him but it's no use he's screaming more Blush

I won't give in but I feel soooooo mean !

But I'm so bloody fed up of repeating myself !

OP posts:
pinkpantsrock · 16/10/2016 20:11

when my ds goes into an epic meltdown, i just tell him
gentley that i love him and that i'm not going anywhere, i will be sat across the room, when he's ready to come to me or make a signal and i'll come to him, then we can have a cuddle and to talk about it.

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:13

He's screaming so loud and now I can hear the neighbours newborn crying !

I've gotten cross with him now and told him enough !....

He's still going .

OP posts:
centreyourself · 16/10/2016 20:14

FlowersOP. It's exhausting and you really do doubt yourself but I think you know deep down that you can't give in.

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:16

I'm so poorly today too with sore throat and headache.

He's still going ......

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 16/10/2016 20:16

I would leave him until he has calmed down then go and speak to him and have a cuddle. He will likely be sorry when he's had time to reflect on it but while he's angry it will be all your fault!
Does it often trigger tantrums when he has to finish something? Some kids like a warning or even a visual timer. If my kids say 'one minute' or 'one more thing' then I try and find out what the one more thing is (so colouring the last petal on a flower for eg) and make sure they know that once that is done the stuff gets packed away. This has stopped one more thing becoming 10 more things!
I hope he settles down for you soon.

centreyourself · 16/10/2016 20:16

You can apologise to the neighbours tomorrow. In fact you could get him to do it - that might embarrass him enough into rethinking before he does this again.

DD does this. Only rarely but when she does I feel extremely stressed. You have my sympathy. It sounds as though there's no underlying cause he's just testing. X

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:17

He asked for a cuddle.

I gave him one and he seemed to calm .

He asked for a story .

I said no and explained why ...

....and we're off again ... Angry

OP posts:
runlulurun · 16/10/2016 20:17

Don't feel mean, you are absolutely doing the right thing. He may be upset now but in the long run it is so much kinder to raise them to understand about respecting other people/consequences. Tell him you will come back when he is quiet.

Then when he is quiet, give him a cuddle, tell him you love him etc and time to go to sleep.

abbsismyhero · 16/10/2016 20:18

Turn the lights off and play something relaxing if you can if nothing else it will drown him out

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:18

I've threatened to take him round to the neighbours to apologise for waking up their baby !

OP posts:
runlulurun · 16/10/2016 20:19

Stick with it. Now you've come this far you absolutely cannot back down! Well done for sticking with it.

Donthate · 16/10/2016 20:19

Stand firm. Say "I want you to stop screaming or you are going to miss (insert something he enjoys)"

centreyourself · 16/10/2016 20:19

Actually bingo does have a point about if he was in the middle of a colouring a hat or something.
But it's done now. You can use her advice next time but today you can't give into the tantrum. Just cuddle when it's over.

bumsexatthebingo · 16/10/2016 20:19

I might tell him that he needs to try and calm himself down and get some sleep or he will need an earlier night tomorrow to catch up?

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:20

Oooooh I've found a Lindt chocolate ball at the back of the cupboard .

It looks dated but fuck it - I need anything to get me through ! Grin

OP posts:
runlulurun · 16/10/2016 20:20

But honestly i would just leave him to it and not go back to him until he's quiet, saying anything else will just fan the temper tantrum! Good luck!

Nursenat100 · 16/10/2016 20:21

We have had almost the mirror image of this incident tonight. Ours was even worse as he could hear me reading to his sister. Wouldn't stay in his room, screaming that he hates me (he's 4!!!Shock) which then made his sister cry. I've had to throw some of his toy story figures in the bin as a consequence of constantly leaving his room. I'll get them out later. Absolute nightmare. I dread to think what my neighbours are thinking, but feeling glad that I managed to stay calm and see it through, as there is certainly a lesson in there.

Hope knowing your not the only one helps!

slightlypeevedwombat · 16/10/2016 20:22

just remember, if you give in now, he will expect it next time - so will go on even more thinking, well she let me get away with it before

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:22

I do allow him time usually to finish a bit of what he is doing but I think I'm so bloody fed up of being ignored , tonight I just thought nope - toughen it out !

Not the best timing but the words were out my mouth before I could think and I had to follow through .

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 16/10/2016 20:24

Oh OP this has been me and DD so many times Flowers you have to ignore him now until he calms down. At this point any interaction is just going to fan the flames and kick it all off again. Eventually he'll calm and you can give him a cuddle and draw a line under it. Tomorrow is a new day and it will all be better.