I've done the right thing haven't I ?

[QuestioningmyMummySkills]

Heeellllllppp !

Currently mid tantrum from DS age 6. It is epic .

I'm talking screaming and shouting and lashing out epic .
This is how it unfolded:

Showered DS and got him in to his PJs - all fine .

DS starts colouring in his pictures.

I ask him to put them away and choose a story . He ignores me and carries on colouring in .

So I tell him he has to the count of 3 to choose a story or I will pick one for us to read .

He ignored me and carried on colouring.

For background - DS is constantly ignoring me at the minute . Every request is met by "one moment" followed by more "one moments".

It's driving me bonkers .

So I picked the story and started reading - telling him I was starting without him and if he misses it because he's ignoring me then it's his own fault.

He goes to the book shelf and picks a story .

I said no , too late and said we are having the story I picked .

He kicked off massively ! In the midst of it he kicked me hard (I think he was aiming for the book but he hit my arm and it hurt !).

So I said no story and walked out .

He's screaming in his room .

The neighbours will hate me !

I'm doubting myself !

He's shouting that his brother had a story (he did - he picked one when I asked him to!) .

Should I give in?

The neighbours will hate me !

And refusing affection and telling off a child who is upset is a good way to teach kids to express it in an appropriate way? I don't think so - it will just teach them not to cry in front of mum because she'll act coldly towards them. Showing them how they can regulate how they are feeling with a hug is a much better way to teach kids to deal with emotions appropriately. Research shows that kids who are scolded and withdrawn from when they are upset behave worse and often develop mental health problems as adults. Ignore it if you want but what you are suggesting is awful advice.

Much of what's "appropriate" is a hideous hangover from the victorian era. E.g. No outpourings of grief, don't show anger, "you're too old to cry". It's hideous. Ever likely the mental health of the nation is in such dire straits.

The truth is that people do not like children who are still having temper tantrums, kicking and screaming over nothing at six years old.Why would anybody want to make their children disagreeable to be around?

That's *people"'s problem and they can get fucked. Let kids be kids. A rare tantrum, in the safety of their own bedroom is none of "people"'s business.

I'd personally find it more agreeable to be in the company of an upset child than a cold parent ignoring their requests for affection.

Yeah when they are tiny! But a child of six 'being overwhelmed' by something as trivial as having the wrong story does not wash!

Sometimes it isn't about the 'thing' they are tantrumming about. Haven't you ever been tired and stressed and then done something silly like dropped a mug and had a disproportionate cry over that?

A tantrum isn't a request for affection none of what anyone has said was 'a request for affection'!

Personally I don't withhold cuddles from my children, but if they're having a tantrum I leave them to it. Let them have a wail and fling themselves about a bit and then talk to them afterwards. That's when cuddles can happen. During a tantrum just feels like restraining them.

However, I also don't find anything remotely wrong with the way OP dealt with her son. She knows him, I don't. The snapshop provided is enough to know that OP knows how to discipline her own child without being cruel.

The child asking for a cuddle was a request for affection. I wouldn't restrain a flailing child but if they've calmed enough to ask for a hug I would never refuse and I think it would be cruel to do so.

It might be nothing to you a7 but clearly it meant something to the 6 year old.
You did well op. You gave a consequence and followed through.

Crying (especially accompanied by kicking and screaming!) doesn't necessarily equal distress, and didn't in this case.The child wasn't distressed, he was pissed that he didn't get his way.

You can use whatever adjective you like 'distressed' or 'pissed' if that makes you feel better for not doing the basic parenting of offering comfort when necessary. Interestingly the child calmed down when cuddled - not because the op read him the story so I think that shows what he needed.

Distressed and 'pissed' have very different meanings.

Interestingly the child calmed down when cuddled - not because the op read him the story so I think that shows what he needed.

or what he wanted!

So it wasn't about the story then? You think he was 'pissed' because he wanted a hug?