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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've done the right thing haven't I ?

87 replies

QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:03

Heeellllllppp !

Currently mid tantrum from DS age 6. It is epic .

I'm talking screaming and shouting and lashing out epic .
This is how it unfolded:

Showered DS and got him in to his PJs - all fine .

DS starts colouring in his pictures.

I ask him to put them away and choose a story . He ignores me and carries on colouring in .

So I tell him he has to the count of 3 to choose a story or I will pick one for us to read .

He ignored me and carried on colouring.

For background - DS is constantly ignoring me at the minute . Every request is met by "one moment" followed by more "one moments".

It's driving me bonkers .

So I picked the story and started reading - telling him I was starting without him and if he misses it because he's ignoring me then it's his own fault.

He goes to the book shelf and picks a story .

I said no , too late and said we are having the story I picked .

He kicked off massively ! In the midst of it he kicked me hard (I think he was aiming for the book but he hit my arm and it hurt !).

So I said no story and walked out .

He's screaming in his room .

The neighbours will hate me !

I'm doubting myself !

He's shouting that his brother had a story (he did - he picked one when I asked him to!) .

Should I give in?

The neighbours will hate me ! Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:24

nursenat well done for staying calm .

I've shouted Blush a little bit ...

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 16/10/2016 20:28

Keep going. You're 100% on the right track.

Don't worry about the neighbours - their struggles with their baby will come and you'll be able to sit in your sitting room and remember this time and think "Ah yes. I remember the first time that I put my foot down and said "No" too"

Seriously, let your DS kick off & so long as he is safe in his room, then keep doing what you're doing.

DixieWishbone · 16/10/2016 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:33

I'm in his bed giving him cuddles .

Still no story but he is calm .

He says he loves me Blush

OP posts:
CwtchMeQuick · 16/10/2016 20:35

You did the right thing!

I'd definitely make him go around tomorrow though and apologise to the neighbours (and I have made DS do this before) it might make him realise that his actions have an affect on other people too and it's not fair to behave like that. Well done sticking to your guns!

Rachel0Greep · 16/10/2016 20:35

Aww, of course he does. You have done the right thing. Now enjoy the chocolate Brew.

user1471531273 · 16/10/2016 20:37

My son has epic tantrums much like you've described.

Not sure if you've seen the film inside out? It really has helped him to understand his feelings and when he is calm we talk through what he was feeling and ways to stop the 'angry' thing/person (whatever it is) from being in charge.

It's still a work in progress but it sounds like you've dealt with the situation well.
It is ok to shout, he needs to learn that you also have limits. Reconciliation at the end is the important part.

We are not infallible.

Original poster
QuestioningmyMummySkills · 16/10/2016 20:41

Thank you all for the hand holds Flowers
He's asleep ! Hooorah!

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 16/10/2016 20:47

I've had to do that once and I felt terrible

I got dd ready for bed and she was constantly playing up and trying to kick me

Told her if she didn't stop, she wouldn't have a story tonight. She didn't stop.

So I gritted my teeth, got her changed, took her by the hand, took her to bed, kissed her and walked out. She screamed she was sorry and she wanted her story. I ignored her until she calmed down, went in, gave her a kiss and cuddle and said no story tonight because you was naughty. She cried herself to sleep that night. I felt like the worst mother in the world

However the next night when she started to play up, I reminded her what happened the night before. She suddenly stopped what she was doing and was good as gold. Got her story with a smile that night

WeAllHaveWings · 16/10/2016 20:51

Ds was prone to meltdowns at that age at night when tired and it easily got out of control, but keeping things calm helped and he grew out of it soon enough.

Try tactics like bingo suggests and giving him time to finish the bit he's colouring, or give him the option to colour in for a bit longer and have a shorter story. Butting heads with him and pretending you are starting without him is never going to end well when he is tired. But agree once you start you need to follow through.

MohammedLover · 16/10/2016 20:52

I don't understand, why the toys go in and out of the bin nursenat?

Starlight2345 · 16/10/2016 20:56

Well done OP..

I have been where you are .. I have found telling them to pack up before you want them too is the key..

My 9 year old wanted to watch a film an hour before bed...I told him he could however I wasn't moving his bedtime because the film wouldn't of ended...Predictably he wanted to watch the end of the film.. There is no way he was going to... So although he accepted it my point is.. the pushing the timing continues so your energy at this point will pay off in the end..

Enjoy your chocolate. Chocolate

buttercup54321 · 16/10/2016 21:12

Give him 10 minutes warning before packing away time, then 5, 4, 3 Making sure its being done, 2 then 1. If he doesn't do as he is told then no story. And never give in.

Nursenat100 · 16/10/2016 22:13

Poster who was asking about the toys...I put them in the bin after he repeatedly came out of his room after warning him that was my next step. But there is probably £200 worth of plastic figures there...far more than we can part with forever! So I've now got them and hidden them in the cupboard. To be returned in a few days when all this is forgotten!

Well done OP, glad he eventually settled. Hope the rest of your evening has been ok

SleepsAMyth · 16/10/2016 22:17

I have had similar issues with my 5 year old, getting himself very worked up if I ask him to change task in any way (pack something away, turn tv off, come off my tablet if he's earned time on it etc). He could get himself in such a state to the point he can't calm himself down. I have a 5 minute sand timer and I tell him he has 5 minutes and turn the timer, putting it where he can see it. He absolutely loves it and as soon as the sand finishes, he comes off happily (occasionally it does mean hanging around for the bloody timer to finish because even though he has finished whatever task, he wants to wait for the timer). He will also go over and use the timer himself. If this is a frequent problem, it might be worth a try.

Threepineapples · 16/10/2016 22:35

Dont worry about your neighbours! Mine have 3 under 7 - lots of daytime screaming. I on the other hand have DS12 and most of my shouting is when theirs are fast asleep. We commiserate together frequently Grin

plnswn · 16/10/2016 22:37

I used to get the 'in a minute' from my son all the time. I started saying it to him. ' can I have a drink' 'in a minute, I'm just doing this'
'Will you take me to the park?' 'In a minute' I made sure it was way more than a minute. He'd be waiting. I'd say 'it's not very nice when you have to keep waiting is it' he eventually got it

user1471494124 · 16/10/2016 23:05

We've all been there, OP. Well done!

HeCantBeSerious · 16/10/2016 23:08

I've had to throw some of his toy story figures in the bin as a consequence of constantly leaving his room.

That's pretty shitty, in fairness.

Nursenat100 · 16/10/2016 23:17

It's shitty, why exactly?!

Put into his room after a major tantrum over a story book. Repeatedly given the chance to calm down, warned four times that if he doesn't stay in his room, the toys are gone. It's a consequence. There was no screaming and shouting, I just followed through. Not in the slightest bit shitty, thanks very much!

Fanfeck · 16/10/2016 23:25

Oh I might so glad to read this OP!! (Not for you obviously) but it's been the first night ever I've refused DD a bedtime story and I was also feeling really really guilty.

HeCantBeSerious · 16/10/2016 23:42

Put into his room after a major tantrum over a story book. Repeatedly given the chance to calm down, warned four times that if he doesn't stay in his room, the toys are gone. It's a consequence. There was no screaming and shouting, I just followed through. Not in the slightest bit shitty, thanks very much!

Was there any link between the toys and the situation? Sounds like you made quite a mean threat and then carried it through when you didn't like his response. What does that teach him? Where do you go from there?

(Just imagining a partner saying to the other partner: make dinner now please, what I want and how I like it else I'm selling your car/binning your iPad. Doesn't work.)

Rumtopf · 16/10/2016 23:57

Well done OP on persevering!
You've drawn a line in the sand and hopefully now he knows you mean it. I think getting him to apologise to the neighbours for waking their baby is a good idea too - actions and consequences etc.
Hope bedtime tomorrow is better for you.

a7mints · 17/10/2016 00:19

I don't think it is well done!
He has had mummy in bed cuddking him to sleep as reward for being a vile brat.
Be ready for tomorrow's repeat performance!

Lynnm63 · 17/10/2016 00:22

It's not the same HeCantBeSerious a dp is an adult who can be reasoned with hopefully but a small child needs clear instructions. I'm sure the toys are not thrown away just stored until he calms down.
Mine are teens now and we still have consequences to actions although we do discuss and reason ultimately because I say so is valid as I'm their parent not their partner.
OP you did well, this parenting lark is a bit shit sometimes.