to think my dd isnt overweight?

[marvelousdcomics]

So, my DD (14) has suffered ED's. Latest one was binge eating which was traumatising for her. Went to GP appointment yesterday (we do monthly just to check how she is), he weighed her. After, when dd wasn't in the room, he told me she is overweight???? She has put a bit of weight on obviously, due to the binging and everything, but she doesn't look overweight at all. Yes, shes gained a bit of fat but not so much that she looks 'fat'. I will not be telling her anything that was said while she wasn't there, I just want her to be happy and healthy. Is weighing yourself even accurate? She was 5'3" and 127lbs by the way. She really doesn't look fat, actually quite slim.

Thank you, youarenot

Thank you so much bounty, your post made me smile she is beginning to be happier and her old self slowly but surely. I agree, weight is not the most important thing at all. Thank you

Czerny, I don't find your advice very helpful for the fact that you're banging on about the size of my dd and I'm more concerned about her mental health at this stage. My DD is perfectly shaped, she's kind, helpful, clever and beginning to be happy again. She is not overweight, not fat, not 'heavy'. She is who she is. I agree, 14 year old girls can be slim. And? That wasn't my op, was it? Please take your advice elsewhere. Thank you

Hi OP, sorry your daughter and family are going through this. I have precisely zero experience of weight issues or having a teenage girl, though I was a teacher for a few years. You mentioned getting healthier as a family. I know it's difficult with teenagers, but could you start doing some fun stuff together where the thought of food is a million miles away? I don't know where you live or what your circumstances are, but with half term coming up, or weekends, could you do some really fun, active stuff together? Family sport things, or a big ramble/hike, that kind of thing, which focuses on having fun together and being active. I know that's way easier said that done, and teenagers can scupper the most carefully laid plans for organised fun with their huffing and sighing :o

My guess is that the GP is concerned that if she actually does put on excess weight she might struggle to handle it and slip back into anorexia. However that sounds utterly naive since she has obviously got dysmorphic ideas about her body which caused the anorexia so normal rules do not apply.

I agree with many of the others that healthy mind, healthy body and healthy eating for for her body are the best messages to push and anything else is a distraction and not helpful.

Hi Sukey, thank you well, this weekend we're doing crocheting, knitting etc and next weekend we are doing Halloween crafts . I will think of more activities to occupy her too. Shes really into academic things, sports and art. Thank you for the reply. Surprisingly dd isn't a 'typical' teen actually! Thank you

So one might expect a doctor to work to the NHS's levels for what is the right weight (and to allow a bit of leeway for growing teenagers too). Here is the NHS weight/height chart, and it indicates that she would be just above halfway thru the range of healthy weights; she would need to be a full stone heavier than she is, to be into the 'overweight' section.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/loseweight/Pages/height-weight-chart.aspx

I would go back and ask him how he decided this (without your DD).
GPs do a great job, but are not infallible; he should be more interested in helping with her eating issues, and perhaps better at maths!

CZerny

I suggested that GPs are often inexperienced in EDs and so his advice could be taken with a pinch of salt.
That advice was based on my own experience as a mental health professional and much more importantly, as the parent of an anorexia sufferer.

GPs in the UK are not trained to work with eating disorders any more they are trained to treat cancer or carry out open heart surgery. They are trained to recognise serious health problems and refer them to the appropriate specialists. This is not a criticism of GPs - they cannot possibly be an expert in every physical and mental health problem that they might encounter.

She seems within the normal range for weight so I wouldn't worry yet, but if she continues binge eating it can change quickly. No-one here can see your dd and her build to determine if she is indeed overweight or not.

The usual obvious encouraging healthy eating choices, portion sizes and exercise however subtlety will be difficult and potentially have a negative effect on her MH due to her ED, you need professional advice to asses her individual needs and find out how to best support and guide her.

Perhaps a MNer who has been through this with their dc or even themselves may be able to offer an insight to the complexities of ED's, but others generic advice may not be applicable to your situation. Good luck in finding the appropriate strategies to support your daughter.

BI was actually designed (but a statition!) to be used on a large scale for a popular average, so is a crock of shit on an individual basis.

I'd change GP if I were you.

I'd ignore the GP. Not sure what they were getting at, perhaps they were trying to tell you that her weight is going up and that maybe they think this is a symptom of bingeing? But it was really clumsy and unhelpful. Thank goodness they didn't say it in front of your DD.

Also anyone who says a BMI of 22 is "approaching overweight" is part of the problem IMO.

my dd is 13. she is 5ft and half an inch and weighs 8.5st. She has a 20 inch waist, but is curvy with big boobs. she also has a six pack and muscles from doing lots of gymnastics. she thinks shes fat, she wears size 6/8 clothes.

GP's are not experts on EDs.

Maybe the GP was just trying to give warning about trying to not let her continue to put weight on or it may become a problem.

I agree with the advice to focus on her eating healthy food, in controlled portions, and doing exercise she enjoys (as that will usually significantly help mental health). That should be the priority.

czerny You can be fully developed and still slim! And you can be fully developed and have middle-aged spread / be overweight. Usually teenaged girls fit into the former category, in my experience (of working in a girls' secondary school).

So? What relevence does that have? You're basically saying that because adult are more likely to be overweight, it makes it more concerning that a teenage girl is a healthy weight.

Thank you everyone for your replies. Me and dd have done an online shop and ordered loads of healthy foods. We've also been to the park for a walk. All advice is appreciated and thank you to everyone

Your daughter's weight is fine, but what is not fine is her relationship with food and her self esteem, from the sounds of it.

I suffered from eating disorders as a teenager and the only thing that enabled me to get a handle on it was running.

Running made me to think about what my body could do rather than how it looked or how much it weighed. And as a side effect of that I'm the healthiest I've ever been.

Yes, the obsession with food is now an obsession with PBs and so on, but I have to channel that obsessive behaviour somewhere...and running works for me. Might a c25k programme be a good thing for you and your DD to focus on together? (Or 10k/ marathon training if she's already a runner?)

Very best of luck.

Running, she isn't a runner but does like to run. Unfortunately because of all the problems, she hasn't been in a while. Shes really enthusiastic about sport though, so a programme like the C25K would be good. Thank you

Running and lifting weights with a ficus on enjoyment and feeling healthy and strong, rather than weight loss, has made a huge difference for me as well. So I second Runninguphill with that. But do watch that she doesn't swap an ed for over exercising. It can be a fine line, but worth it if she can do it.

I'd be careful with the exercise and maybe encourage her to do things that are fun and sociable e.g. dance or Zumba. I took up ballet in my teens and it was an important factor in my recovery. It's very easy to get obsessed with running and going to the gym at this vulnerable stage in her recovery.

I agree with making sports fun, maybe boxercise classes? I've no real experience with ED but I did have a lot of anger in me as a teen and having something to channel that - boxercise- stopped me from taking the anger out on myself, if that makes sense? Doing sports classes rather than solitary activities like the gym or running would be better I think because itd be doing it because it's fun not just for the exercise part of it. Btw op that is a completely healthy and good weight for a woman or teenager of her height. I'm that height and my goal is 9 and a half stone. I find on here that lots of posters are near the bottom end of healthy bmi and seem to view their way as the right way. As a teen I constantly worried I was fat even when I wasn't, a size 6 skirt had to be taken in at age 14 yet I was convinced I was huge, so I think if you're doing it as a family it needn't be necessarily noticeable to dd - just buy healthier versions of things, get her involved in cooking meals which can only be a good thing, in regards to exercise classes maybe play it as getting her to go along with you? If you have a dog maybe you and dh are finding working and dog walking difficult so could she do it a few times a week? Maybe walks on the beach etc as a family with hot chocolate afterwards. I think making it incidental would be good - making it that her weight isn't the cause for upping the exercise but doing it matter of factly instead.

Hi madein thank you! The sports classes are a great idea. She loves football so a club would be an option. I'll look around for anything else. We have 2 dogs so yes she could walk those, I never even thought of that. Thank you so much, your post is great and I appreciate it

No problem, I'm glad to have helped 😊

To all posters talking about bmi. Please do not use adult bmi charts for under 18s it will not be correct and potentially dangerous when treating an ed.

Firstly, you need to deal with your daughter's poor self-image and MH.

Secondly, is she exercising enough? Plenty of fresh air and long walks.

Thirdly, do you keep lots of processed, sugary foods in the house?

This thread saddens me

Lightsoff, yes we are dealing with the MH issues and body image as a priority. She doesn't exercise much right now as we've been dealing with self harm, depression etc but it is beginning to increase. We don't keep that many processed foods in the house, no. We have a few things, but not a lot

Children's BMI (girls) age 14 - the healthy range is from approx 16.5 - 23.5 so a BMI of 22 is approaching the upper end of that but still within the healthy range.