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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just yelled at a school bully outside my house. AIBU?

114 replies

MontePulciana · 14/10/2016 17:10

Bully was on a bike, clearly not hers. Victim was trying to retrieve bike, all I could hear was "you're gonna ruin the handle bars". Another boy joined her pulling bike away from boy. This was right outside my house. I hate school bullies with a passion so decided to go out and "have a word". Admittedly I was a bit confrontational. I asked who the bike belonged to, what was she doing to it and then to get off it. She was pretty taken aback and made off swiftly. DH thinks bullies should be dealt with by the victim only and thinks I've put my foot in it. They were about 14. AIBU?

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 15/10/2016 07:16

Big Soft Mega (((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))) Monte

gettingtherequickly · 15/10/2016 07:22
Flowers Since when has it not been okay to "shriek", shout at or tell off kids who are behaving badly?

No wonder there are so many entitled brats around Angry

ChishandFips33 · 15/10/2016 07:27

On behalf of victims of bullying Monte, I thank you

Flowers So sorry for your loss - the world most definitely needs more people like you

KathyBeale · 15/10/2016 07:33

So sorry for your loss Monte. And well done for intervening. I'm always telling off other people's kids (if necessary - not just because I think it's fun), and I'd hope others would do the same if mine were behaving badly.

Matchingbluesocks · 15/10/2016 07:38

My pet hate is people who let injustice go by in case they are negatively affected. My MIL said the other day I shouldn't have stood up for a shop assistant being screamed at by a customer in case he had a knife. Wtf? How likely is that? Same for your bully, why would you be scared of a stupid kid? Your DH sounds like a wimp

wanderings · 15/10/2016 07:40

Keep at it! We need adults who are willing to yell at bullies.

IhatchedaSnorlax · 15/10/2016 07:50

Well done Op, you did the right thing.

So sorry for your loss. Flowers

cdtaylornats · 15/10/2016 07:54

The OP said "she had a word" and within a page that had become "shrieking".

Who knew making up your own story and commenting on that was a thing on MN (okay I know everybody)

fluffypacman · 15/10/2016 07:58

You did the right thing op. I've done similar seeing two boys really punching in to each other at the park with no sign of a responsible adult. I bellowed at them to make sure I was taken seriously. They stopped thankfully. You need to be assertive. gently saying 'what's going on, do you think it's time to give the bike back?' Wouldn't have got you anywhere. If it was my child (either way) I would have been glad for your intervention.

TheDailyWail · 15/10/2016 07:59

You absolutely did the right thing and I am very sorry for your loss. Flowers

SoupDragon · 15/10/2016 08:00

Actually she said she yelled and was a bit confrontational. Not the same as Simply "having a word"

That said, OP I think you did the right thing.

youarenotkiddingme · 15/10/2016 08:01

Your DH is a knob.

Victims are usually victims because they are naturally vunerable. That means they can't usually stand up for themselves. Bullies don't pick on people who can effectively fight back.

Flowers
Matchingbluesocks · 15/10/2016 08:19

Who cares if she screamed? Good lesson that if you behave like a cunt you never know who you'll come up against

PikachuSayBoo · 15/10/2016 08:20

For the people who don't like the term"bully", how about a different word? How about "thief" or "mugger"

Because trying to take someone's bike against their will in my eyes is an attempted theft or mugging. I would shout at someone if I saw them trying to mug someone.

FranHastings · 15/10/2016 08:27

I would have been out like a shot and I done exactly the same.

Lindy2 · 15/10/2016 08:37

If my child has been the bully I'd be grateful you stopped her. If my child had been the victim I'd be grateful you'd helped them. You did exactly the right thing.

Sorry for your loss.

StrangeLookingParasite · 15/10/2016 09:16

Another person who was bullied who thanks you for intervening. In fact, you're my hero. I wish more people had intervened when I was having the snot beaten out of me in primary school.

HackAttack · 15/10/2016 09:25

You can tell the parents of bullies/potential bullies on here... It's always the ones who fail at discipline themselves. I've told off plenty of children picking on others over the years when I've seen it. Apparently I have a terrifying teacher voice so it only takes a firm few words.

HackAttack · 15/10/2016 09:26

BTW yanbu you are being awesome op!

alltouchedout · 15/10/2016 09:30

Good for you. If more people were listed you, fewer bullies would get away with their crap.
Years ago I was days away from having ds2, enormous and hormonal, and caught a group of older teenage boys terrorising another boy outside my house. They ended up running away :)

alltouchedout · 15/10/2016 09:34

*like, not listed.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/10/2016 09:37

You are amazing Monty. To step outside the most horrible place you are in and step into someone elses, is just the most lovely thing to do.

You are most definitely needed and I bet that boy thinks so too.

NatashaRomanov · 15/10/2016 09:38

I am sorry for your loss Monte Flowers

Just wanted to join the voices saying thank you for standing up to the bully.

Ptarmigandancinginthegloaming · 15/10/2016 09:48

That view of OPs DH, that it's up to the bully to sort out their own problem - I think that was common a few decades back, along with children ' needing a good smack', 'being seen but not heard', and being 'too clever for their own good', if they showed academic tendencies.

Thankfully, we've moved on from all of that, and he should do a bit of catching up.

chocolateworshipper · 15/10/2016 09:49

So very sorry for your loss. You absolutely did the right thing Flowers