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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

just yelled at a school bully outside my house. AIBU?

114 replies

MontePulciana · 14/10/2016 17:10

Bully was on a bike, clearly not hers. Victim was trying to retrieve bike, all I could hear was "you're gonna ruin the handle bars". Another boy joined her pulling bike away from boy. This was right outside my house. I hate school bullies with a passion so decided to go out and "have a word". Admittedly I was a bit confrontational. I asked who the bike belonged to, what was she doing to it and then to get off it. She was pretty taken aback and made off swiftly. DH thinks bullies should be dealt with by the victim only and thinks I've put my foot in it. They were about 14. AIBU?

OP posts:
OhNoNotMyBaby · 14/10/2016 17:36

Victims of bullying need to know that there is someone who will help them. I don't know why I didn't tell my parents i was being bullied, but I didn't. I had a terrible time - and that was only for 1 term and it was very, very mild bullying. But I was traumatised.

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing OP. Well done. Flowers. Hopefully the boy will feel a bit stronger now and a bit more able to stand up to them.

Shockers · 14/10/2016 17:36

I think the word bully is overused too Barbarianmum.

However, this does sound like targeted tormenting of a lone person by more than one other.

Original poster
MontePulciana · 14/10/2016 17:36

Didn't shriek, monster, calm down. Just loud, firm, talking.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 14/10/2016 17:37

No, M0nsters, it's more a case of bullying is not ok. Which is more than obvious from the post, really...

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/10/2016 17:39

M0nsters
Who said anyone "shrieked" or did you just happen to pick a nice misogynistic phrase out of the air?

OP well done. Bullies rely on not being called out on their behaviour.

Original poster
MontePulciana · 14/10/2016 17:40

I really hope he feels stronger now. I hope he tells his parents what happened too. Was expecting a knock on door from some angry chavvy parents but so far nothing. I just needed reassurance I did right. DH can be a pussy sometimes, he's always the one sit on the side lines.

OP posts:
Alwayschanging1 · 14/10/2016 17:42

I was on holiday once and there was a girl who was being nasty to my DD (aged about 6) all week. Wouldn't leave my DD alone. Towards the end of the week she came over to my DD - again - so I turned to her in sheer frustration and said something like, " just go away and find somebody else to be nasty to."
She burst into tears and ran off to her parents. She was sobbing and pointing at me. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

amusedbush · 14/10/2016 17:45

I was horribly bullied, verbally and physically attacked, for much of high school. It was the worst time of my life and only once did an adult intervene when I was having the shit kicked out of me.

Thank you for stepping in for that boy.

WorraLiberty · 14/10/2016 17:46

Was expecting a knock on door from some angry chavvy parents but so far nothing.

Why?

Do you think the children of 'naice' parents never act like that?

SweetChickadee · 14/10/2016 17:48

I remember being 14 and I had gone to a party - my bully was there so I left and she followed me, with her friends.

They held my hands behind my back while she repeatedly punched me in the face.

I distinctly recall a middle aged male dog walker actually stepping out into the road to get round us Hmm

well done OP - I wish you had been my passer by.

Haffdonga · 14/10/2016 17:50

Well done Monte

(How sad that some people can't see the difference between assertively confronting a teenaged bully and shrieking at children )

123beanie · 14/10/2016 17:50

Well done OP

reallyamazeballs · 14/10/2016 17:52

In my experience Always bullies can be terribly manipulative when called out on their behaviour. Bursting into tears when caught in the act is classic behaviour. Just like the OP, surely it's better to protect the victim and deal with the situation firmly and assertively. I just remember the feeling when no one seems to have your back and it's horrendous.

Nataleejah · 14/10/2016 17:53

M0nsters i really hope you're joking Hmm
Well done, OP

DailyFaily · 14/10/2016 17:53

Of course YANBU, some behaviour isn't acceptable and it doesn't matter whether you call it bullying or not, what that girl was doing wasn't right. I'd like to think that if my son was engaging in behaviour that was making another child cry and I wasn't around to witness it, that another adult would step in and have a word with him - it takes a village and all that.

I've told teens off before - I even 'shrieked' at one who was harassing my mother once but then I was livid - did the trick though, turns out some teens don't know what to say to a middle aged woman who's abandoned all social inhibitions.

Doesthissounddodgytoyou · 14/10/2016 17:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

greenfolder · 14/10/2016 17:54

if more people addressed poor behaviour when they see it then there would be less of it.
I have intervened several times when i have seen this sort of thing. on the whole the bully is so taken aback by being challenged they scarper, sometimes saying something rude. i have never had any come back

2kids2dogsnosense · 14/10/2016 17:55

You were right to step in. If this girl thinks she can get away with her actions, she'll continue.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 14/10/2016 17:56

Well done OP

I bet she was shocked somebody stood up to her! She will think twice before doing it again.

pipsqueak25 · 14/10/2016 17:56

monster was it your dd who got told off then ? what would you have said if it was your dc who was being bullied ?

SquinkiesRule · 14/10/2016 17:58

You did the right thing OP Your husband is a dick.

YouHadMeAtCake · 14/10/2016 17:58

You definitely did the right thing. To ignore it would have been wrong. Ignore monstersoncloset the bully deserves it. Glad the lad got his bike back. I despise bullies.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 14/10/2016 17:58

I once accosted a big, mean looking youth who was twisting the arm of a small crying child. They were both fostered in a house at the end of our street. Foster family always seemed to let them run a bit feral to be honest.

I had my toddling DD with me and had to pick her up and cross the road to tell him to cut it out. I was shit scared to be honest and shaking like a leaf afterwards.

The little lad practically camped out on my doorstep for months afterwards and used to try and come and play with my kids (sadly they weren't very keen on him). I often wonder what happened to him; he'd be in his twenties now.

Nishky · 14/10/2016 17:59

I always remember my mother shouting at a group who had another lad cornered and were throwing stones at him, she was on the other side of the road and bellowed at them to stop. I was about 6.

The group walked off past us and complained about being called bullies, my mum gave them a quick definition which shut them up. The boy then thanked my mum before he walked off.

I was scared at the time, but I am so proud of my mum for doing that.

I wonder how all the people on here making negative comments about the op would feel if something happened to their child and adults walked past.

Sweet I am so sorry that happened to you, I wish someone like the op or my mum had been around.

Bitofacow · 14/10/2016 18:02

Sorting out bullies is OK on MN now.

Go for it.

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