abeandhalo - I wonder if a number of people feel like you do - even as adults they don't enjoy a long ceremony, long sit down meal and long speeches. Perhaps these are more typical amongst certain groups of people getting married and not others. Perhaps those who normally attend the more informal type weddings, where perhaps less quiet sitting is expected from children and adults, also expect and accept more noise and activity from children in both wedding and other settings - and are not bothered by it, but enjoy hearing and seeing children running about. Someone a few posts up talked about loving seeing small children toddling round the dance floor. I wonder if these are the kind of weddings that are very much about extended family - all the cousins and all of their kids. Perhaps as more informal buffet type affairs, they are cheaper per head, so it's more possible to invite lots of kids and becomes more of the norm......so then when people are invited to a very different kind of wedding, they struggle to grasp why their little one isn't invited to this too.
Many wedding reception venues which host a sit down meal charge over £100 per head for an adult and over £50 per child. This is big money, so understandably people have to think carefully about who to invite. A family of 4 costs a lot more than just inviting the adults and when cost limits numbers, if you have whole families, it means inviting fewer adults. These are the realities. Plus for some groups of people, the more formal wedding absolutely is the norm. So the bride and groom will be planning a lengthy ceremony, a long sit down 3 or 4 course meal and expecting close to an hour of speeches. Most people can see that this isn't going to suit a toddler or be enjoyable for them and that their inevitable behaviour will interrupt what is essentially an adult event, with adult goings on (which clearly even some adults find difficult, never mi d the toddlers). If you are forking out £100 per head and having a formal day which you have planned and looked forward to for several years, it's your choice to have that......and also to be able to invite who you like and to be able to expect to enjoy the formal bits without the disruption of a hoard of toddlers.....if that's what you want, as bride and groom. If you are not bothered about cost or the noise and activity of children, then that's fine too...but as many on this thread have said, although they love their kids to bits, they also enjoy a chance every now and then to have a child free day as guests too - because it is a different experience.
Most of us have a range of friends from different times in our lives....and they are different and like different things. Some will want an informal wedding with lots of kids all charging about and very relaxed. Some are from big families where kids at weddings are the norm. Others don't have kids yet and don't actually know many kids yet and so want a child free wedding for grown ups. Some want the big formal day and a chance to listen carefully to the vows and speeches and not be interrupted by little voices.
Whilst we might all have our own preferences for which type of wedding we like best and whether children are part of the picture or not, whilst we should be able to choose that for our own weddings, I think we should respect the wishes of brides and grooms who invite us to share their big day - even if their ideas are different to ours. And I really struggle with people who say things like 'I wouldn't have friends who wouldn't want kids at a wedding' - sounds like a very narrow group of friends if they would all do exactly the same as you would and no one can tolerate anything done differently.
It is a bit sad if an invitation for a child free wedding comes, which due to lack of childcare, means we have to turn the invitation down. I've been there and felt a bit sad and I know the bride was sad I couldn't go. However, that was a very short phase and whilst I was a bit sad for me, I totally understood why they didn't want toddlers there.....and actually I wouldn't have wanted to take the toddler, for all the reasons above, why toddlers and formal weddings don't really go together. Sometimes having children simply does mean we miss out on a few things. Hey ho! However my DC are a bit older now, so when wedding invitations come (and I've been to over 80 weddings now!) if they are child free, I can arrange childcare, because the invitations come months in advance and often a sleepover with a friend is pretty easy to sort, or if they are invited, they can come....and they are old enough so sit through the ceremony or meal and read a book/do some kind of puzzle book if a bit bored.