'If you don't want my children you don't want me' - this attitude has been expressed a couple of times on this thread. Fortunately only a couple of times, as well as the suggestion that the kind of people who don't invite kids are not the kind of people that poster would want to be friends with!
There are lots of situation where we don't take kids. Pubs late on a Friday night, nightclubs, work, theatre which is 3 hours long and something children wouldn't understand or enjoy, lectures or talks, a hospital appointment we are attending with an elderly relative, when a friend needs us for advice over a long and serious conversation.....
Weddings are about 2 adults making a serious commitment to each other. Most people getting married take this very seriously and if they prefer to not have small children, with their inevitable noise and short attention spans, then surely that is fair enough....and however much you love your children, child car permitting, you can separated from them for one day. There are many aspects of weddings which are really not small child friendly at all;
- the service - can be long, with a talk children might not understand or be bored by.
- the photo session, especially if indoors - all the hanging around without activities for kids can be a challenge
- the long long meal - which toddler wants to sit for 3 hours at a meal and then listen to possibly long drawn out speeches which they don't understand?
- it is a day of long stretches of needing to be quiet and needing to sit still - both things which are simply beyond most toddlers, regardless of how well they are parented.
All of these things are aspects of weddings that adults enjoy (in fact not all adults even enjoy these aspects) but are exactly the kind of thing small children don't enjoy. I think This is why many parents like NOT to take their kids and it is certainly why many people choose not to invite kids - especially those who marry having not had kids yet and for whom the noise and bustle from kids still isnt the norm.
There are some weddings which are very very laid back and informal. Registry office ceremonies might be very short. There might be outside photographs on a lovely sunny day in a place with lots of space for children to run around, the meal might be very short, or a buffet where there is lots of movement, there might be no speeches or incredibly short ones. These things might make it easier to have a small child at a wedding. However, many weddings don't have these features......because the Bride and Groom have chosen to have the features that they want, because it's their day, rather than choosing to make their day akin to a crèche or soft play setting.
I remain amazed that people can take the attitude that if their kids aren't invited, they certainly won't be going, because the lack of invitation to children somehow offends them. Where does a genuine love for our friends on their big day fit in, with wanting it all to be done in a way that suits us as guest, rather than just feeling joy that our friends or family are getting married and a desire to celebrate with them, however they may have chosen to do it? It strikes me as incredibly selfish on the part of the guests to have a blanket sense of being offended if kids are not invited (and I'm not talking about those who turn down invitations regretfully, because childcare can't be had or won't work) and I guess, that there might be. High correlation between people who feel like that and poorly behaved children at weddings!