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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child-free weddings

128 replies

Googlebabe · 14/10/2016 16:35

Are there any ladies here who had a child-free wedding but now moan when their kids are not invited to one?

It will be extremely interesting statistics.

OP posts:
olivesnutsandcheese · 14/10/2016 19:39

I had lots of children at my wedding plus my own DC. It was great. However we're invited to a child free wedding soon & I can't wait to have a lovely evening without the little blighters.

9troubledwaters · 14/10/2016 19:42

I don't mind a child free wedding but I think its cruel not to include neices and nephews esp if they're close and have been told they'll be going and gotten ramped up into excitement bitter experience I just think they're cruel

Sandsnake · 14/10/2016 19:45

We were the first amongst all our friends to get married and so only had three kids there, the youngest of whom was five. I think we were lucky as we didn't have to upset anyone by banning children but had quite an adult feeling wedding, which I liked. If I were invited to a child-free wedding now I have 11 mo DS I would not be offended in the slightest and would do my best to attend. However, I would expect understanding from the couple if I couldn't because of childcare.

WineSpider · 14/10/2016 19:51

I had a child free wedding.

Now have a toddler and baby. I'd have to be nuts to think I'd enjoy going to a wedding with them - perfect reason for grandparents to have them so we can have a weekend away.

I don't get people who wouldn't!

SoccerMom2016 · 14/10/2016 19:55

I wish I had a child free wedding!! Babysitting DH's nephews and nieces during my wedding was NOT what I had planned, and I spent most of the evening reception making sure friends kids were behaving (they were running through the hotel and bar screaming while the parents got drunk!)

ChimpyChops · 14/10/2016 20:09

If I added all my friend's children to my guest list there would be 43 children. No, sorry, not the day I want. As it stands we are having immediate family's children and our godchildren, plus the children that are travelling from Scotland and the NE, I want to see them as it has been ages. That stands at 18. That is enough. I have told my friend's already and nobody has a problem with it.

Being invited to a childfree wedding doesn't bother me, I wouldn't take my 2 year old anyway (apart from to my brother's last month as he was page boy but was collected at 6pm), and I can always ask my 9 year old's dad to have him, he is collecting him at 10pm from our wedding! But I am aware I am lucky that I have childcare.

BeanCalledPickle · 14/10/2016 20:11

We had a child free wedding in so far as we only had family children and that still meant ten of them.

What really wound me up- still does- was we invited a couple who had since had a baby, who was 14 months. They had themselves had a child free wedding. When it came to my turn though they said they couldn't attend without her as 'she's part of our family' . The mum relented which I was glad about as never liked him anyway. They then turned up as a family, went round speaking to everyone and then 'made their apologies' as the baby wasn't invited so they would need to leave now. And promptly did. Before the ceremony.

Still annoys me

LetsJunglyJumpToIt · 14/10/2016 20:19

I had a child free wedding because I work with children and see enough of them on a daily basis. At the time we had no family children so that wasn't an issue. We did actually have a newborn there as it was important to us that our friends were able to come.

I have no issue with child free weddings now I have children. If I can get a babysitter I would much rather do that then take my small DC to a wedding. I want to be able to talk, drink and dance and spend some rare time with DH and not spend the day chasing after two small children who I know would have a much more fun day with their grandparents.

If I can't get childcare then I wouldn't attend but I don't understand anyone being insulted if their DC aren't invited. My children are the centre of my world, not everyone else's.

Thirtyrock39 · 14/10/2016 20:24

I honestly think child free weddings are well boring and really miss out on that family feel. I love seeing kids and grandparents having a dance and they can be a welcome distraction from all those tedious 'how do you know the bride and groom' type questions. I think people get so self involved with their weddings. It's a bloody nightmare trying to get childcare for the length of a normal wedding and once kids are three or over they'll be fine at a wedding. It is really hard taking a baby or toddler but I think you shd trust your guests to use their judgement on this.

Stevefromstevenage · 14/10/2016 20:32

I have not been to a wedding with absolutely no kids but I do know 2 women who think they were utter knobs insisting on a childfree wedding with hindsight. I am not saying child free weddings are knob is but that these 2 women feel that they were knobs for being so anti children since they both went on to be very much attachment parents. This made them a bit morto at their past selves trying to refuse babes in arms. I did not know them before kids so I just cannot picture them being so anti having children anywhere.

The only wedding my children have been to are family weddings. None of our friends would remotely want to bring their kids to weddings, they are a big session that goes on well into the next day. Babes in arms have always been welcome at weddings I have been at though.

wasonthelist · 14/10/2016 20:34

Are there any ladies here

Come again?

Are you in your 90s or 7?

ThinkPinkStink · 14/10/2016 20:34

We invited family children (niece 2 and nephew 5) and newborns to ours (bf or ff, that wasn't something we considered, just little babies who it'd be difficult to find childcare for).

I must admit, DH and I were invited to a strictly child free wedding eight weeks after DD's due date and thought it was a bit mean not to allow us to bring her. Equally totally the couple's choice and I put up and shut up (RSVP'd 'no' with a nice card and a cheque).

Lazyafternoon · 14/10/2016 20:38

We had a child free wedding. Great decision. Brilliant wedding, lots of fun. Late night and drunkeness with loud band.

Only taken DS to one wedding. It was horrible. He babbled loudly through ceremony. Wouldn't nap. Wouldnt sit still for more than 5 mins so me and DH tag teamed the meal which seemed to last an eternity. He had a melt down by 6pm. Most people gone (including us) by 9.30pm as had to take kids home. Wasn't fun.

Ragwort · 14/10/2016 20:53

I've said this many times on mumsnet - the last wedding we were invited to was child free - fine, we arranged childcare for our DC - we were then sat on a table with the brides nieces and nephews - none of whom I wanted to talk to and I am sure they didn't want to talk to us. I was seriously not impressed and our friendship with the couple has cooled significantly, in fact we haven't met socially since (7/8 years ago Grin).

witsender · 14/10/2016 20:55

I've never been to a child free wedding...we've been invited but logistics get in the way. Now the kids are older and 4 and 6 we could probably manage. Tbh, I always assume a babe in arms doesn't count, but I know others don't.

peneleope82 · 14/10/2016 20:58

We had a child free wedding except for nieces, nephews and babies under 1.

We went to a wedding which had similar 'rules' when our youngest was three months and I missed the ceremony and the speeches - not because he was particularly demanding but he was making squealing happy noises as babies do and I didn't want to be disruptive. If we'd had our toddler with us too, I think it would have been awful. You can't expect a 2 year old to sit quietly for that amount of time.

So I will happily be child free at weddings in future!

OlennasWimple · 14/10/2016 20:59

This thread won't "make good statistics" at all, but it would be a really easy article for a lazy journo...

Ilovenannyplum · 14/10/2016 21:01

I'm getting married in December, I've invited kids and 99% of the ones invited won't be attending as the parents wanted a day off.

My own 2yr old and DSC will be there and if it wasn't our own wedding, they'd be spending the night with my MIL Grin

DustyCropHopper · 14/10/2016 21:59

I was one of those unreasonable people who had day guests and evening guests. For the day guests children were invited (they were family mainly, apart from 2 couples and they had one small child each). Evening guests we didn't invite children on the invitation but if people asked we said ok. I have no problem with no children weddings as long as the bride and groom are ok if I decline. Local child free weddings are fine, but further afield and it would have to be a no due to childcare limitations.

BackforGood · 14/10/2016 22:04

Great post by ChocolateWombat on P2

JaceLancs · 14/10/2016 23:30

I had a child free wedding it only affected 2 guests my best friend who got a babysitter and had a ball
My cousin ignored it and brought her 3 children - who I had to find room for - not what I wanted but I didn't fall out with her about it
Life is full of compromises

eggyface · 14/10/2016 23:40

'Have a night off and enjoy yourselves'= "We want to have all your attention on us and we only want people who behave in a certain way (drink loads, stay late)'. I find the whole concept a bit precious and childish in itself. Cost is the only valid reason to exclude children in my book.

engineersthumb · 14/10/2016 23:45

Wombat,
when I get an invite to a wedding it's an invite not a summons! If my children are not invited I don't go, why is that so offensive? I don't take offense at the invite I just don't accept!

Mumoftwinsandanother · 14/10/2016 23:51

DC were invited to my wedding although most of my friends were young so there weren't many DC. I happily attend (even prefer) child-free weddings and don't moan although equally don't feel guilty if I can't get a babysitter. I did however get very annoyed with my DB's girlfriend at the time (now SIL) who moaned continuously at my very DBIL's wedding (so my DH's brother and no close relation to her whatsoever) about the children. They had heaps of children at their lovely relaxed wedding, the kids had a whale of a time dancing, playing etc. The couple got married with their baby on dad's hips and a baby bump. They had their first dance with my 2 DDS. The kids did make a lot of noise but it was what they wanted, it wasn't a posh do anyway but it fitted beautifully with the couple. Why SIL thought she had the right to moan about it I don't know. Her very posh affair with a dress that costs more than my car a few months later was different but imo not better.

nokidshere · 15/10/2016 00:03

I had a child and husband free wedding Grin I have lots of sisters (who had 10 under 5's between them) none of whom could afford hotel rooms and my house was too small for them all. So I invited my sisters but not their husbands or children and we had a ball 😄

My Niece had a child free wedding when mine were small and a lovely friend stayed home with mine overnight whilst we had a night away - it was bliss, 8 hours of undisturbed sleep for the first time in 5 years !!!