LIttleMoon Buggy I agree with your post. I think that when it comes to their own children, many parents are a bit blind to the impact their behaviour can have on others.
Weddings are about 2 adults make a formal commitment to each other. They should be able to take this serious step, which they have often planned for months or even years, without having it disrupted.....and by their very nature, toddlers are disruptive in settings which require sitting still and quietly for any length of time. It's pretty obvious really.
Most of us wouldn't take toddlers to a restaurant for an adult birthday meal which would involve a late night and lengthy sitting with no space for them to be active. A wedding is often a similar situation, but the sitting is even longer because of the speeches, which again are not something a toddler can be expected to sit through.
So it comes down to whether you think it is acceptable to have a toddler who is very likely to make noise and be active during times when adults are sitting and often quietly, for lengthy periods. Is it okay for them to make noise and is it okay for them to leave their seats and run around? Because, they really are not going to sit still and quietly through a 3 hour meal and speeches.
If the wedding you are invited to is certain to be one, where the, being noisy or active won't impact on anyone's enjoyment (particularly the bride and groom) then fine......but I think it is extremely hard to have that certainty.....and if you can't,mfeeling aggrieved about them not being invited is pretty selfish.
If they have been invited.....well, the bride and groom have obviously decided they don't mind the fact there will be noise and active children during the meal. And if they have decided that, the other guests will just have to suck it up. What it transpires from lots of comments on this thread, is that actually the bride and groom sometimes wish with hindsight that they hadn't included toddlers, because the noise or activeness of them was much more than they had imagined. Not everyone getting married really knows what small children are like. It is incumbent on parents with toddlers and small children who have been invited, whilst accepting they can't be kept totally still and quiet, to take responsibility for their behaviour.....and if this means taking them out of the service or the meal at certain points, they should be willing to do so, for the comfort and enjoyment of other guests and especially bride and groom. Again, it is selfish to allow even an invited toddler or baby to remain in a room making a huge noise which disrupts the ceremony itself, or the speeches, or spoils the enjoy,net of others at a meal or evening party.