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AIBU?

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Original poster

Passive / Agressive Leaving Gift

138 replies

MadamCantona · 13/10/2016 23:37

I used to work in a very male environment; the type of place where the testosterone was so heavy I started to grow a beard and most other females worked in an admin capacity.
I don't want to sound ungrateful (a theme that follows throughout this post) but I hate any leaving 'do' that involves me and tried to exit this role with as least fuss as possible. My leaving gifts were what you would expect from a load of men who chuck money at a problem at the last minute; massive flowers, chocolates and a gift card; obviously all women love chocolate and can easily manipulate a huge bouquet on the Tube whilst heavily pregnant (see what I mean about sounding ungrateful?). However, I know my ex-boss would have relegated the tedious task to his PA, a Lady - who I could not get on with at any level, despite doing all the usual when I started - why don't we do coffee/ lunch / drinks? Offering to help with business and social events etc.
I've just opened the gift card - it's a Cowshed gift card - lovely, you might say. However, it can only be redeemed in store - not online - and I have no idea what the value is so reluctant to re-gift and pass any possible 'schlep' on. I do wonder about the message of the card; 'Cow' being the operative word and that she must have gone out of her way to purchase it!

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 14/10/2016 07:32

I agree, how dare they..... Biscuit

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 14/10/2016 07:33

I would have loved those leaving gifts. But then I tend to be grateful for any gesture that shows someone's spent a minute or two thinking about me when they don't have to.

ZuzaPa · 14/10/2016 07:35

I don't think you are being ungrateful. I think you are quite hurt at a 'perceived' insult. I am a sensitive soul & can lean towards doing this & need to cognitively tell myself a different story than the one that springs to mind, which you have done here... you are not liked & your leaving efforts & gift reflect this... when the reality can just as well be you are very well liked &-thought of & the gift was actually one intended to be something you might genuinely love. Can you phone the cowshed & ask them what the value on the card is? Shake it all off now & ignore the harsh comments on here. Enjoy your maternity now! Hugs mama x

NerrSnerr · 14/10/2016 07:38

They are lovely gifts. They wouldn't have thought about the flowers on the tube, I have had similar gifts.

Are you more upset that the PA didn't want to be friends with you?

BonusNewt · 14/10/2016 07:38

Oh for heavens sake. Are you the woman who used to work in our sales team, to whom I gave a lovely Cowshed soap for secret Santa? She spent the whole night, without knowing who gave it to her, moaning that whoever gave it to her obviously thought she was a dirty cow - I was sat right opposite her as she did it. It is still the only thing I remember about her and that was years ago, I was really hurt because I was quite young, and had thought it a thoughtful gift.

NavyandWhite · 14/10/2016 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheVirginQueen · 14/10/2016 07:48

I got nothing when I left my last job! ONly two people came to my leaving do. And I swear, I was well-liked!

Clutterbugsmum · 14/10/2016 07:49

I get that the gifts are not to your taste, and the fact you have worked there for a while so should know.

I once left a company I worked for about 5 years, I also got flowers and chocolates, expect they knew I have chronic allergies to pollen and I don't eat chocolate as it give me migraines.

I would phone cowbag the PA or your old boss and ask what amount the voucher is for, so you can book a treatment.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 14/10/2016 09:31

Cowshed is a really good brand. I'll take it off you if you don't want it.
Take it in good sprit. Even if she was being PA, you've got a really lovely gift out of it.

Eyeslikesheepsfannys1 · 14/10/2016 09:47

I used to work with a bunch of guys, I was the only female and when I went on maternity leave I received a pair of stress balls ( testicles) to squeeze during Labour and a card that read...we hope the birth isn't too painful...so I think yabu.

dowhatnow · 14/10/2016 10:03

You don't like each other.

I'd have laughed to get that gift. So what? Anyway it sounds as if it's a nice one anyway....unless you go out of your way to get to somewhere that sells it and the value is only £5 Grin Now that would be passive aggressive!

pipsqueak25 · 14/10/2016 10:11

we obviously don't know op and the fact that she has gone might speak volumes, esp. as she is pregnant and may be feeling a bit sensitive.
it's a shame though, i've never heard of cowshed but have just looked their stuff up and it looks really scrummy, i'd have loved stuff like this when i was expecting.

RuskBaby · 14/10/2016 10:18

I would be over the moon, cowshed are one of the few stores/spas with maternity products and treatments available! Frankly at 35 weeks I am starting to resemble a cow more each day and would love a visit!

TeaEyeDoubleGErr · 14/10/2016 10:21

You are really overthinking it op.

Thank them and good luck with the baby

Mindfields · 14/10/2016 10:34

The thing is, when someone has been vile to you then you cant help wondering if there is a message in things like this

Where has the OP said the PA was "vile" to her? I must have missed that.

What she posted is "who I could not get on with at any level" - not the same as someone being vile to you.

BowiesJumper · 14/10/2016 10:46

Oh my god. You got a lovely present, be grateful! You can get a nice pedicure at cowshed, apart from products which are also lovely.

glueandstick · 14/10/2016 10:47

Cowshed do some fabulous spa treatments. You're over thinking!

MotherKat · 14/10/2016 10:52

Sorry most here have been a bit harsh, I know what it's like to be a bit over sensitive about a gift and ending up sounding a bit ungrateful.
Ring them to check how much is on it and get something lovely.
Enjoy your mat leave OP and good luck with the baby.

Marynary · 14/10/2016 10:56

Unless you know she is passive aggressive I wouldn't think anything of the fact it is from cow shed. Most people obviously don't interpret gifts from there as you do or they would go out of business. Just phone the store and find out how much it is worth.

gammatron · 14/10/2016 10:57

I'd love a cowshed voucher, their baby range is pretty much the only thing I use on my babba- no nasties!

lottieandmia · 14/10/2016 11:00

It does sound like you're over thinking it. Are you depressed? I don't mean that as an insult but depression screws with the way you see the world and peoples intentions (I should know)

If I were you I would phone Cowshed and ask them if there is any way you can find out what the value of the voucher is so that you can decide whether it's worth visiting the place.

sparechange · 14/10/2016 11:20

Phone them up, read the number out over the phone and it will tell you what the value of the card is.

You can also use the card in any of the Soho House group places which sell Cow Shed, so there might be somewhere close to you.

They have a great candle called Grumpy Cow, btw. Apropos of nothing

myownprivateidaho · 14/10/2016 11:33

No def not pass/agg --- it's a high end brand!

FriedPisces · 14/10/2016 11:39

OP, I work in a similar environment and have similar working relationships with my colleagues (and I also have been known to read into things too much Blush) so I do see where you're coming from and don't think you sound ungrateful. Does sound like Cowshed stuff is nice though, hope there's plenty on the card for you.

IceRoadDucker · 14/10/2016 14:06

My reaction would have been excitement at finding out what I could buy!