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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds has been punched in the face twice at school.

43 replies

FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 18:36

Last week and this week. Two different boys (who are friends with each other).

Both times ds (14, and tiny for his age) was shoved over. He retaliated verbally both times, the first time by saying 'does your dad cut your hair?' and today he said 'do you have issues?'. Last week he was punched on the cheek and this week on the jaw. Both times HE has received a detention for 'antagonistic behaviour'.

Last week he had a half hour detention and the boy who hit him had an hour's.

He was so upset when he came home today. Not so much at the punch but at the fact he's been sanctioned.

I'm going to phone the school tomorrow and try and sort this out but I could do with any advice on how best to proceed. DH and I can't agree on whether to send him in tomorrow (I think we shouldn't).

Any advice welcome.

Ds has been punched in the face twice at school.
OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 18:36

Oh, also this is totally outing as it's on FB as well so to everyone I know.

OP posts:
mummag · 12/10/2016 18:38

Your poor son. Why on earth is he expected to not say something if he's been punched. Is he supposed to thank them, or, do you mean he was rude and then was punched?

Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 18:39

Both times he was shoved to the floor, said something and then got punched roundly in the face.

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KungFuPandaWorksOut · 12/10/2016 18:40

I wouldn't send him in until ive had a meeting. What to send him in, on the off chance he gets attacked and then he gets a punishment? No chance. Of course he's going to react to being pushed show me a person who wouldn't. Don't let this drop!

Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 18:41

That's my thinking. Keep him home tomorrow and call first thing. I actually know a lot of the staff as my mum and best friend both worked at the school so the relationship is good. I don't want to go in all guns blazing but I do want to make a bit of a stand.

OP posts:
thewideeyedpea · 12/10/2016 18:42

I personally wouldn't send him in until I had spoken to the school.

OhTheRoses · 12/10/2016 18:44

It's assault although perhaps he shouldn't have been lippy back.

In those circumstances I wouldn't have sent my child without a meeting and confirmation that he would be kept safe from violence.

mysistersimone · 12/10/2016 18:44

Verbal aggression does not warrant physical aggression. Even if your son was gobbing off he doesn't deserve a punch. I'm amazed the school don't advise you it happened (but I only have experience of primary)
I'm sorry I can't offer advise but I'm so hoping you can resolve this

Coffeethrowtrampbitch · 12/10/2016 18:44

I'd go absolutely mental if he'd been punched twice.

Tell them they have one chance to deal with them properly, ensuring that your ds is not injured again (and definitely not sanctioned, wtf!?) and then you are calling the police.

He's been assaulted twice, he knows who did it, and I'd be crystal clear to the school that I will be pressing charges unless they make sure those boys are too scared to say boo to him ever again.

Well done to your ds, he retaliated with words not fists. He deserves huge praise for being so mature and cool headed, not a detention ffs. I hope he will be ok.

TheFairyCaravan · 12/10/2016 18:45

I'd phone the police. He's being assaulted, the school are punishing him. It's not good enough. Maybe a visit from the police might be what the bully needs.

I have called the police on bullies btw.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 18:45

The school have phoned me straight away both times. I'm happy with that aspect of it. I'm not happy that he's been punished both times, and that it's happened twice in seven days.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 18:46

I will mention the police to the school tomorrow. I had considered it.

OP posts:
FlabulousChic · 12/10/2016 18:49

Id poibt out to the school hat they are condoning violence. There should be no tolerance to violence and the person should be permanently suspended I'm not sure what they expect your child to do lick a bullies arse and cry like a baby so they don't get hit? Id also advise that you are taking this to the police and I would call them they are 14 it's assault simple

MooPointCowsOpinion · 12/10/2016 18:51

If that happened in my school the student would be in isolation for a week minimum, and then on report to watch for any other violent behaviour.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 19:26

I've decided to keep him home. I'll phone first thing and ask for a conversation with his head of year etc. Ideally I'd like a meeting with them, DH will be happy to duck out of work to come along.

OP posts:
ENormaSnob · 12/10/2016 19:28

Punched in the face twice in a week?

Not sure why anyone wouldn't ring the police tbh.

Am sure none of us would tolerate this at work...

GiddyOnZackHunt · 12/10/2016 19:31

Safeguarding and police surely? Is it the boys school? (Not relevant but I can't remember which one he's at)

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/10/2016 19:31

Hold on your boy is punched in the face and He is given a sanction.
This had better be a fucking nightmare.
I'd be reporting the school to the safeguarding officer, sbx those little shits to tgr police.

Pollyanna9 · 12/10/2016 19:35

OP? You'll have to excuse me as I've not read the whole thing BUT this is my view. He was punched in the face right?

  • Police.

  • Press charges.

  • Request a full investigation from the school about anti bullying preventative and educational programmes (bet they have none, most schools are entirely reactive).

  • Submit a formal complaint about YOUR son being sanctioned and ask to review all the statements they've taken.

  • Collate any abuse/comments on social media he may have received (although boys are better at thumping than psychological abuse).

How DARE this be considered OK? It's NOT.

Haul them before the police, do it fast.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/10/2016 19:41

Oh and in answer to your question.
There's no way in hell that my child would be going back to a school where they blame the victim and refuse to keep their pupils safe

FluffyPineapple · 12/10/2016 19:43

In your shoes I would keep my son home tomorrow. Phone the school and request a meeting, letting them know why your son is not in school. During the meeting I would focus on firstly how he was punched, leaving bruising, twice in a week and then how it was thought he should receive a sanction for attempting to verbally stick up for himself.

Make it clear that you are not happy with the School's handling of this situation and if it happens again your son will be moved to a school that is more effective in implementing their anti-bullying policy.

Your poor son shouldn't have to put up with this angst. Good luck OP. Don't be rude. Be forceful and don't back down x

FluffyPineapple · 12/10/2016 19:44

Oh and also make it clear if it happens again you will have no hesitation in involving the Police. Assault is assault and at 14 years old these bullies can be held responsible for their actions. Again good luck x

ChasedByBees · 12/10/2016 19:46

I'd actually call the police as a separate issue to school. At the moment with those punishments they are implying they are both as bad as each other. That's not the case at all.

VioletRoar · 12/10/2016 19:47

Don't let the school pressure you into backing down just because you know/knew people that work there.
I would ring the police. I'm glad your son is at home today.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 19:50

Yes, he's at the boys' school. I'm starting to see that there's a bit of a culture of 'boys will be boys' which is not on at all.

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