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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ds has been punched in the face twice at school.

43 replies

FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 18:36

Last week and this week. Two different boys (who are friends with each other).

Both times ds (14, and tiny for his age) was shoved over. He retaliated verbally both times, the first time by saying 'does your dad cut your hair?' and today he said 'do you have issues?'. Last week he was punched on the cheek and this week on the jaw. Both times HE has received a detention for 'antagonistic behaviour'.

Last week he had a half hour detention and the boy who hit him had an hour's.

He was so upset when he came home today. Not so much at the punch but at the fact he's been sanctioned.

I'm going to phone the school tomorrow and try and sort this out but I could do with any advice on how best to proceed. DH and I can't agree on whether to send him in tomorrow (I think we shouldn't).

Any advice welcome.

Ds has been punched in the face twice at school.
OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 19:52

I'll ring the police tomorrow with names etc before I ring the school. You're all right, it's assault and if it happened outside of school that's what I'd be doing.

OP posts:
BerylStreep · 12/10/2016 19:55

There is a danger that if you call the police before speaking to school, the school will attempt to wash their hands of it and say that as it is a criminal matter they can take no action pending any outcome.

I would speak to school first, get a clear commitment from them as to what they intend to do, then report to the police.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 20:00

Ok, good plan. Thank you!

OP posts:
user1471855186 · 12/10/2016 20:01

Your poor boy. I wouldn't send him until it's sorted out but I don't know how long that will take.

Pollyanna9 · 12/10/2016 20:06

Whenever |I've kept my DD home from school due to stress/bulling I've always stated the reason as 'stress due to bullying' so its listed on their records.

DON'T let them placate you - this is ASSAULT for Christ's sake.

RRRR!

I am SO sick of seeing videos of kids battering one another, and what happens to them? Absolutely nothing. God help us for the utterly lawless society that's coming in the next decade. Our children's children will have to expect being battered without recourse or criminal reprisals as the norm.

Makes me very sad. Why is assault different when it happens at school?!?

I'm SO sorry for your DS OP, so sorry. I hope he's ok.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 12/10/2016 20:10

Thank you. He's ok in himself, apart from the bruising. He's raging at the injustice though.

OP posts:
kierenthecommunity · 12/10/2016 20:18

Did you mention a school's police officer? I'd definitely want them present at any meeting. Some stuff can be dealt with 'in house' but this sounds like it crossed the line

Pollyanna9 · 12/10/2016 20:34

Poor lad flapstie.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 12/10/2016 20:41

:( I know they did have a bit of a rep for being a bit casual about bullying, possibly because it's all boys.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 12/10/2016 20:55

He has been assaulted twice. Time to ring the police.

Schools are notoriously bad st dealing with this as they don't want it in there records.

Nip it in the bud now to show the school and the lads you are not fucking about.

FluffyPineapple · 12/10/2016 23:31

Speak to the school first before involving the Police - and let them know if it continues you WILL be involving the Police. Otherwise the school will just let the Police deal with it. You need school staff to keep your DS safe in school.

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 13/10/2016 06:32

He has already been attacked twice fluffy. The school then punished op ds along with both attackers.

He is not being kept safe.

Creampastry · 13/10/2016 06:55

No way should he be doing detention at all. I'd be furious with school.

BrainPrions · 13/10/2016 06:59

When it comes to assault you need to be talking to the police, not asking the school to handle it.

Your son shouldn't have to put up with that. Flowers

Thefishewife · 13/10/2016 07:08

I think of course he shouldn't have been punched

But your son willhave to learn he can't say what he feels like

If it was a complete random attack I would feel a bit Diffrent about
This

My son had a slap from a girl in year 10. They both got in trouble

Turns out he had been calling her a fat cow i told him if he kept his opions to himself he would not have received a slap they both hit in trouble

Children taunt and tant and taunt and the child and parent are often surprised when the person bites back

ZuleikaDobson · 13/10/2016 07:08

Irrespective of the punishment for your son, a one hour detention for a physical assault is a ridiculously light punishment and will do nothing to deter this sort of behaviour and keep pupils safe. When you talk to the school you need to make a big issue out of their safeguarding duty.

Original poster
FlapsTie · 13/10/2016 07:54

Thefishewife, he was pushed over to start with both times, before saying anything at all. He's just told me the second time he was punched while he was on the floor.

I'm psyching myself up to call in a few minutes.

OP posts:
Original poster
FlapsTie · 13/10/2016 08:08

Right, I've spoken to his community leader (who is great and I have a lot of respect for her). I'm keeping ds home until we've had a meeting, which is scheduled for Monday. It's all being investigated and she doesn't think ds will be sanctioned over this second incident.

Thanks so much for all your advice and kind words.

OP posts:
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