Dh wants to name our firstborn after his beloved godmother BUT

[Snuzzlewumpet]

-she has the same name as his ex gf! Even though it's a nice name I'm not happy about it. He's quite insistent, it's a cultural thing. I'm not bu am I?

No way no way NO WAY!!

Is the ex dead?
I can't think on what planet this would be ok even if she is dead. No no no.

Rumplestilskin!

Of course you MIL agrees, she wants the baby named after her mother. Tough, it's nothing to do with her.

You are the one who has to carry the baby, you get a huge veto. If you don't want the name, it doesn't get used. Simple as that. Your DH doesn't get to promise anyone anything. The choice isn't solely his to make so tough titties for him.

Sorry, godmother. I read it as grandmother.

Never ever heard of this. Think they are spinning you a line.

Apologies, I completely misread the post and thought he wanted the baby after his ex girlfriend!! (Called Rumplestilskin!)

If it's his godmother then maybe pick a version of her name if that's an option? Like Delores could be Lola etc.

Sorry again for my error.

Honestly yabu. My son has the same name as my ex's DF and his son has the same name as my DF.
As it turns out my ex and DH have a father with the same name, so DS called after his beloved grandfather, definately not ex's father.
No idea why their DS has same name as my Dad, maybe they just liked the name.
This is really not a problem.

This is really not a problem.

It's a problem if the OP isn't comfortable with it.

Does GodMother have a middle name you could use instead?

YANBU and it matters not one jot what your MIL thinks. Tell him everyone on MN agrees with you and see how relevant he thinks that is
Or you could suddenly remember a promise to your godmother that you'd call your first-born after her. I have a funny feeling, they suddenly wouldn't be so keen on you keeping your promises.
Make this a firm line in the sand. Otherwise, you are signing up for your DH and MIL thinking they can over-ride you.
If family is so important to them, call in your's for back-up too.

A friend of mine was informed by her husband, and his parents after they were married and conceived a long awaited child that it was tradition in their family to gift the first born son/grandson a collection of "family names". She stuck it out for months with a firm NO and funnily enough verily a word was said on the subject once the child had been registered and christened. Stick to your guns [unless of course the said godmother is proposing to bequest millions to your unborn child in the form of an unbreakable trust mercenary cow that I am in which case I might consider it if the name was not too horrific]

I couldn't do it either. Firm no from me.
But do agree that it might be ok to honour the godmother if she has a middle name you can use instead? Or even (these days) a surname that works as a first name? So many of those around now.

^cultural* thing ....umm.

I am inclined to say so Fing what. Its also cultural to shave a babies head, cut a baby's head, cut a babies willy and also - mutilate a womans privates.

Why do hear the words - cultural then all bend over backwards to accommodate it?

yanbu - tell him NO.

I agree you should find out of the godmother has a middle name.

Or is there a derivative of her name that's sufficiently different to be another name but can still be in honour of her?

Are you able to tell us the name - we could come up with alternatives?

Sounds suspect. How do you know if he really made that pledge?
If he did, it wasn't his promise to make.
Had he adopted the baby (alone) then he would have the right to use the name.

But he didn't.

Give an unwavering No. You are not happy using that name. And when you come up against resistance you can use the excuse say that it's a 'cultural thing'.
Because no one in their right mind would give their DD the same name as an ex. Period.

As for your MIL, she has had her babies. She doesn't get to dictate terms now.
Start as you mean to go on, OP, otherwise it looks likely you could spend the rest of your life under thumb(s) .

Or what justgivemeamo said though be prepared for the "you are totally overreacting it's not fmg, it's just calling the baby Dolores fgs".... To be honest if my husband was happy to give my first born daughter any old name to honour someone without having a strong love for the name already then warning bells would be going off!

If he's Greek, (they usually name children after grandparents) there are lots of variations on traditional name,ps, e.g.: for Mary or Maria, you could substitute Marietta, Mairette or Marina!

He made a promise to an ex, to name his child after her,sod the MIL, nothing to do with her!

I'm really curious to hear which culture has this tradition. I've never heard of it!

what "culture" is this then ?

one where women STFU and men make all the decisions ?

What's the name?

I agree with the other middle name or one of the godmothers other names.

That name is tainted to you and it will be in your life forever and in your child's. Also at some point the truth will out and she would be devastated to know that you didn't want/particularly like the name.

She's both your baby on try and compromise as it is a nice thing to honor someone but you have to do what's right for you and the baby.

Good luck

Greek culture dictates the first born son is named for his paternal grand father, and the first born daughter for her maternal grandmother. The next born are usually named for aunts, uncles and godparents......which is why there isn't much variation on Greek names!

You're in a culture where women stick up for themselves, so it doesn't really matter right?

My DSs middle name is his grandfathers name and also the name of my ex. He's named after FIL not my ex. It's not something I give much thought to. But then neither the relationship nor breakup were particularly negative or traumatic. I might feel differently if they were and DS didn't come along until quite a few years later