Dh wants to name our firstborn after his beloved godmother BUT

[Snuzzlewumpet]

-she has the same name as his ex gf! Even though it's a nice name I'm not happy about it. He's quite insistent, it's a cultural thing. I'm not bu am I?

Did you take his surname after you married him? If so, the baby will have his family name. So it's only fair that they have a middle name from your side of the family. And the first name should be a name that the two of you choose together. NOT a name he promised to use (that's his fault for making a promise he couldn't keep because IT'S NOT JUST HIS DECISION). NOT a name his MIL wants you to use And DEFINITELY NOT the name of his ex!

I'd tell him to fuck off hell no. No further discussion.

Agree with Jellybabies' advice. He had no business promising to name his child anything without agreeing it with the mother first.

If I really liked the name though, I don't think it would bother me that his ex also shared the name.

Do you like the name? Our DD has a first name that was also the name of DH's ex girlfriend, but we both liked it more than anything else so we went with it. I don't think of it as anyone else's name, just DD's. It's a fairly classic name which helps, and it suits her. Having said that I agree with PPs that he doesn't have the right to dictate a name that you haven't agreed to.

Agree with Jellybabies' advice. He had no business promising to name his child anything without agreeing it with the mother first.

If I really liked the name though, I don't think it would bother me that his ex also shared the name.

Oh well if his mum says so then you'd better do it
Regardless of if it is his ex's name, if you don't like it enough to use it then there is no conversation to be had. Also, what he may or may not have promised to call his (then hypothetical) baby to someone who is presumably no longer with you doesn't trump the wishes of the person who is actually going to grow and raise the child for thereby of their lives.

YANBU.

You both need to be happy with the name.

Is the baby having your last name or his last name ?

If it's his last name, then it's only fair that you get to chose the first name

It wasn't his promise to make. Any name is both your decisions and if you don't like it, that's it.

"this is what happens when people marry /have dc with different cultures, there is no big deal but you will always get this sort of thing happening."

I imagine the op would feel the same, given that this is about it being the ex's name, if she was in the SAME culture.

Please believe me when I say that this can backfire in spectacular fashion, and did in my case.

If him and his mother want to use the name so badly then they can go ahead and make their own baby.
He's supposed to be a grown up with a wife with who, he has made this baby.
Only you two get to name her. And you will not be using that name or any variation for your child. End of discussion.

"If him and his mother want to use the name so badly then they can go ahead and make their own baby."

Well that's an unpleasant image right there

Explain to your MIL that in your culture, MILs are told the name that the parents have chosen, after the birth, and the only acceptable response is "oh what a beautiful name".

^ this!

How determined is he?

If you are married, can he register the name alone?

If he wants to register the name alone, he needs to have their marriage certificate and the form the OP was given at the hospital when the baby was born

My husband registered both of hours which was fine as names were agreed on & I was still in hospital.

I don't remember being given a form!

I agree that he wasn't in a position to unilaterally make that promise.

Now he needs to unpromisie it!

Sorry if I've missed this but are you actually pregnant or just planning for the future? If you're not pregnant yet I'd think seriously about whether you want to take that step with someone who puts his family before you and thinks his mother and godmother should have more of a say than you in naming your baby! If you are already pregnant then you need to get some boundaries in place before the baby is born and make it clear to your DH that he needs to prioritise the new family he is creating with you. This isn't just about a name, it's about your future together and whether you have to run every major life decision past your MIL!

I'm sorry, what culture is this? You're on a hiding to nowhere if you let him and his DM start dictating this crap to you. No way!

Nope that's not how it works, it's a joint decision no matter why you want or don't want a name, both write a list with names you love then swap lists and cross off any you don't like for any reason, they can try and persuade you otherwise but you both must be happy in the end, if nothing jumps of the edited joint list then spend the next few months/weeks adding new names until you find out you both agree on

No, if you're not happy with it then it can't happen. Stuff his mother

One of our DC has the same name as DH's ex, and another has the same name as my ex - it's all coincidental though so doesn't bother me.

i'm going to stick my head on the block [with hard hat firmly in place] grin and say.... this is what happens when people marry /have dc with different cultures

Are you posting from 1952?

Youngest DS gave us this problem, not an ex but ex BIL child. I was completely resistant to it as I felt it linked DS to ex's family yes I know I was being ridiculous but I was hormonal but when I saw DS the name suited him so we went with it.

i'm going to stick my head on the block [with hard hat firmly in place] grin and say.... this is what happens when people marry /have dc with different cultures

Doesn't really matter who thinks what in his family it's your child and you have the right to say no to a name for any reason you like.

Honestly think you just have to tell him in no uncertain terms that you will not be calling your child that name and that you both need to agree a name.