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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The property ladder - broken ?

165 replies

Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 10:21

Am having to start again at 41 with 4 kids.
Can save £200 per month by buying a property rather than renting, can scrape the deposit together etc. However it will be hell. 3 beds, one living room, kitchen diner.
We will not all have a bedroom am tempted to put all 4, aged 16,14,12 and 6 in together to sleep and literally make the bedrooms a place where you close your eyes and then have a home work study room.

My major worry is how do we move on though. House prices have barely moved since 2004 in this area.

Is the next step just beyond me and everyone else ? How did you do it if you did ?
TIA

OP posts:
OlennasWimple · 12/10/2016 14:00

Honestly, your DC's life chances aren't going to seriously stymied by having to share a room with their sibling Hmm

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:00

Can we please not do this .... Really wasonlist is as entitled to a home as anyone else

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:01

Well meg that's a choice you're entitled to make. My life is much much more than that already thank god.

OP posts:
Bountybarsyuk · 12/10/2016 14:06

If one child has MH issues and desperately needs space, I'd put that child in the smallest bedroom by themselves for some peace and quiet. I'd then either put you and littlest in together/two others in together, or some other combo with you downstairs.

I get the thing about a love life, nothing wrong with wanting one, but with four children squeezed into the bedrooms, it's going to be hard dating and having sex with any amount of privacy anyway, isn't it? You may have to go back to theirs:)

JenLindleyShitMom · 12/10/2016 14:08

I'm confused about why you think my 6 year old is in my bed on any sort of regular basis?

I don't. You were questioning how you would have a relationship with a 6 year old in your room. My response was wondering why any new partner would be in the room at the same time as your six year old. Because as you say, surely you would do your dating whilst DCs are at their dad's.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:09

Well I'm glad we cleared that up Jen, the 6 year old is not in my room and nor would it ever be.

OP posts:
KarmaNoMore · 12/10/2016 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JenLindleyShitMom · 12/10/2016 14:12

What should I have done differently to avoid getting abuse like the above?

Abuse? Where was the abuse?

cestlavielife · 12/10/2016 14:12

you have a house you are renting out. you are covered for your old age. you have options.

your kids don have to suffer or be screwed for sharing a room. talk to your teenagers. openly and properly listen to them.

what is important to them? their friendships/school/area? sharing a room or having own space far away?

you cant tell them it's not their decision as such but you want to listen to them.

"he thought of them not achieving their potential due to the situation" the sharing room wont stop them...and you can seek therapy/counselling if there are other issues impacting.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:13

It's a minefield Karma, I don't think anyone has the answers, but I am certainly not waiting 12 years for a relationship ffs

OP posts:
Degustibusnonestdisputandem · 12/10/2016 14:14

I get where you're coming from re tiny houses! Coming from Australia (where even the 3 br flat I lived in about a mile from central Melbourne was loads bigger than a house here ), it's been a hard adjustment to make...

KarmaNoMore · 12/10/2016 14:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:15

cestlavielife the bedroom wouldn't be an issue as such if there was anywhere else in the house to go. Clearly I'm not going to make a blogger because my descriptions aren't great. If you imagine, walk through front door straight into lounge, kitchen diner straight off lounge. Upstairs three bedrooms and bathroom straight off the landing. They'd be on top of each other the whole time.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:16

Degustibusnonestdisputandem guess where we moved from 😉
I wish we'd never come back.

OP posts:
JenLindleyShitMom · 12/10/2016 14:16

You don't have to wait 12 years for a relationship!! People were just wondering why it was even a concern with regards to sleeping arrangements now when you aren't even in a relationship and getting a home for your family is somewhat more urgent.

RebelandaStunner · 12/10/2016 14:25

Yanbu to want a relationship with whoever and whenever you want. Go for it.
As for the house situation are there any 3 beds with extra rooms you could afford? For instance our last house was a 3 bed with bathroom upstairs but had an extension downstairs with a study, toilet and a conservatory but only cost a few thousand more to buy than other 3 beds.
I grew up in the situation you describe and we were similar ages it's not held any of us back at all. Though I will be honest and say I was glad when my big sisters left home, I had my own wardrobe at last.

StarlingMurmuration · 12/10/2016 14:25

They'll adapt.

Bountybarsyuk · 12/10/2016 14:29

Pissedoff I'm not sure if this house you are talking about is the one you are thinking of buying or the other house you are renting out, but I know the layout you mean, and I wouldn't like it either for a family of five. If I had to do it I would, but I think better options which can be around the same price are a) small terraces but with a dining room as well as a lounge, but with a small galley kitchen b) loft or attic rooms often don't increase price that much c) flat with no garden but bigger rooms.

I think essentially one large room downstairs is a small space for a big family, and it's worth looking about to see if you can get more for your money. I rent but found that for roughly the same price, different options were available, even things like going to a slightly less nice area which is still ok is another option.

Some modern houses in particular are really tiny and I'd shy away from the layout you describe if I had options, if you really don't, I'd declutter hugely before moving.

wasonthelist · 12/10/2016 14:30

Abuse? Where was the abuse?

You know full well - your assertion about Baby Boomers and what we have done. What should I have done differently so people like you don't see me as "the problem?"

MillionToOneChances · 12/10/2016 14:30

A house we can afford will have no outdoor space, no garage, no loft, shit area, we'll all be bloody miserable tbh

You'll be miserable if you decide to be, certainly. If you decide to make the best of it it won't be too bad. You have the money to buy a house (and you own another one you're letting out!), you have your family around you and teens old enough to babysit when you want to go out. It's not ideal, but it's better than what a lot of people end up with.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:33

I can't do a flat with a 6 year old boy... My mental health will go off the dial.

Ex and I started out in a town centre terrace, that wasn't great either.

I feel like I'm going around and round, but have definitely decided against the OP house for sure.

OP posts:
Artandco · 12/10/2016 14:35

I live in a flat with 5 and 6 year old boys. It's fine. Unless you have a giant garden they can't run around anyway as too small. Just go out on bikes, walking, to parks etc.

Artandco · 12/10/2016 14:36

NO garage - park car on road.

No loft - don't save crap, no need to store then

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 14:40

Well hats off to you artco but where do you keep the bikes ? In the living room ? It's just not practical.... 30 mins on the trampoline is the difference between blood shed or not in our house. 2 little kids is very different from 4 grown sized women and a child, it just is.

OP posts:
Bountybarsyuk · 12/10/2016 14:41

I think it's best not to go for this house, as there may be other stuff in the same approx price bracket which is better set up for you.

But, it's odd that you would dismiss all flats, terraces, small houses with open plan downstairs, ones without gardens/outside space- that's a hell of a lot of types of houses that probably most people live in, including families with four kids, that's what people live in on my road. Is where you currently live much more spacious?

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