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Original poster

The property ladder - broken ?

165 replies

Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 10:21

Am having to start again at 41 with 4 kids.
Can save £200 per month by buying a property rather than renting, can scrape the deposit together etc. However it will be hell. 3 beds, one living room, kitchen diner.
We will not all have a bedroom am tempted to put all 4, aged 16,14,12 and 6 in together to sleep and literally make the bedrooms a place where you close your eyes and then have a home work study room.

My major worry is how do we move on though. House prices have barely moved since 2004 in this area.

Is the next step just beyond me and everyone else ? How did you do it if you did ?
TIA

OP posts:
loobyloo1234 · 12/10/2016 13:25

OP do you really have to move 300 miles to make this more cost effective? I'm in the SE. I'd only have to move 30 miles to see a huge difference in property prices?

I shared a bedroom with my sister until I was 11/12ish. It was fine. I would have shared longer if I'd really had to aswell. But 4 in a room Confused If you can avoid that part, I would

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 12/10/2016 13:27

Yes, I get that sometimes life is tough and we need to have a bit of a pity party for ourselves before we pick ourselves up and get on with things - but I do like what expat said "Get a GRIP! It's a downsizing, not a relocation to fucking Aleppo"! Grin. A lot of people would be happy to be in your position of being able to buy at all.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 13:27

Well Jen, a relationship is very high on my list of priorities, you seriously think single parents should ever have sex again ? What nasty comment.

FYI the father of these children has lived with 2 women since we split, do you think he does much shagging ?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 13:28

Ok the tone of this seems to have turned to shit already. Thanks for the comments so far. Back to the drawing board.

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/10/2016 13:30

If the family home is being sold won't you get some of the money from that?

Your DC will adapt and there might be solutions to problems like homework. Does their school have an after school homework club? Is there a public library nearby with space to work? That might give the 16 yo and potentially the 14 yo a solution. Despite having other space both my DC often sit at the kitchen table to do their HW.

My understanding of the property ladder in places where prices don't really move is that you scrape together your first deposit then pay down your mortgage and use the accrued equity as a larger deposit for the next place so you can secure a bigger place for the same size or slightly increased mortgage. However, given the age of your children it might be that 3 beds will be sufficient in a couple of years anyway.

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 12/10/2016 13:31

Yes, agree with loobyloo too - we moved about 15 miles and got an extra bedroom compared to houses 15 miles closer into the city where DH works. OK, it's a run down house with dodgy heating and plumbing, but still.....

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 13:36

I will get money from the family but it's a couple of years off, long story but I gave the tenants a long lease, if I want the house back I'd only do it if I was going to live there not sell it.

OP posts:
rogertherabbit · 12/10/2016 13:38

I would think that only you can know how best to split the children based on the number of rooms - who gets on best with who etc
I would seriously consider having a decent sofa bed for the next 2 years for yourself and let the youngest have their own room - a teenager sharing with a 6 year old can't be easy! Then once the eldest has moved out you can rearrange the bedrooms a bit and have one for yourself. You can keep your things in the youngest's room or the other room with only one child in

MrsGwyn · 12/10/2016 13:40

If the family home is being sold won't you get some of the money from that?

I wonder this too - could you rent somewhere till this sale went through - give you time to make more permanent decisions?

However, given the age of your children it might be that 3 beds will be sufficient in a couple of years anyway.

I agree with this as well - so if you can protect your deposit so it doesn't get eaten away at - locked in savings account and then rent until they are older - though mortgage terms are usually 25 years so might get hit there with your age and paying mortgagee off in retirement or more limited lending options.

I think you need to decide first - are you staying or going then are you renting or buying - if buying then looking at what options you really have and working though where you compromise.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/10/2016 13:41

I think people are being a bit harsh. You are allowed to feel that it is totally shit that your marriage has broken up, your ex has moved on (twice) and you are left trying to make the best of things for your DC. I don't suppose your ex is troubling himself with these sorts of considerations.

That said, you will have to choose the least worst option and try to find a way to make it work.

JackShit · 12/10/2016 13:42

Bizarre thread. You know most people live like this OP??

Time to leave your bubble. I find your posts quite insulting tbh.

Lymmmummy · 12/10/2016 13:43

Everyone has their own circumstances and expectations - based on your past experience you may feel hard done by but based on most people's reality you have probably little to complain about

Plenty of people live in smaller houses and never expect more obviously having 4 children is a choice (other than if multiple birth) - and this will impact the size of house required or a level of compromise to live in an average sized house

You are all healthy and fit (unless I have missed something) onwards and upwards I am sure you will cope if not possibly thrive

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 13:43

The other option is buy the 3 bed place, rent that out, use the £200 profit towards my rent on a big place, which secured me in the ladder, but honestly I'm morally against buy to let, I really really don't want to be s landlord of two houses.

OP posts:
JenLindleyShitMom · 12/10/2016 13:45

Well Jen, a relationship is very high on my list of priorities, you seriously think single parents should ever have sex again ? What nasty comment.

Nothing at all nasty about it. Why would your new partner need to be in your bed at a time when your 6 year old was there? Surely new partners would only be introduced to your children and therefore staying over whilst DC are there after at least 6 months of dating them? You haven't even met anyone yet and you are considering stuff that will be happening way down the line. Priorities!

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 12/10/2016 13:46

Can you not get a bigger mortgage based on the equity in the family home you part own? Is that factored in to your calculations already?

By the way - some of the comments on here you might feel are harsh but honestly, I think well meant. My best friends said similar things to me when I was downsizing and moaning about how life was going to be unbearable (it isn't, it's pretty great, they were right to give me a reality check).

MrsGwyn · 12/10/2016 13:48

Splitting up can wait till you know the layout surely of what you end up with.

We saw some three beds where the third room was so tiny couldn't get a normal single bed it in. Our last three bed - two doubles and a single box room.

If you get three reception rooms - you could turn one into a bedroom relatively easy or put a stud wall up if there is a large living room.

The options depend on what you can get in your area - our house has been heavily modify from the base layout of the estate and is much better for it for us. Though first thing estate agent suggested was knocking it back through Hmm.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 12/10/2016 13:48

Would it be feasible financially to buy a small property for yourself for the future (2 bed flat?) and rent it out until you need it. Thereby keeping a foot in the property market and something to retire to long term, whilst receiving an income/ or having the mortgage being paid off.

In the meantime rent a family house you all fit into for as long as you need to.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 13:49

I'm confused about why you think my 6 year old is in my bed on any sort of regular basis? If I wanted to have sex I'd do it when they are at their dads. I don't think it's unreasonable to want to move on with my life and meet a new partner.

If I was you Jen I'd put your 7 year old back in its own bed and it'll stop disturbing you 7/8 times a night and you might less grouchy

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 13:51

ThroughThickAndThin01
I did think about that too, it's definitely food for thought

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 12/10/2016 13:52

I am going to be quite harsh but i think you need a reality check.

Get your head out of your arse and look around you. There are people who dont even have a home or anywhere warm and dry to sleep and you are moaning about kids having to share bedrooms.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 12/10/2016 13:54

Can you afford the mortgage on the BTLs if they are empty at any stage?

Ultimately, you have to decide whether your principles woukd stop you going down the BTL route though.

I wouldn't put every child in the same room. Agree with previous posters that the two oldest ones are likely to be leaving home soonish so that frees up some space, so really it is a fairly temporary problem. Also agree that the loft could be boarded out and the living room could also be a quiet area. If you have a kitchen diner, you can put a sofa and TV in there and leave the living room free for working

Not sure where you are but - gasp - I know lots of very high London earners with DCs living in 3/4 bedroom Victorian terraces and they appear to have fair qualities of life and not be suffering from mental health issues. Of the basement/loft hasn't been done, it's inky about 1600 sqf. Dear old Michael Gove seems to live in a weeny terraced house in Ladbrook Grove and has an office at the bottom of the garden. It's quite normal for lots of relatively well adjusted people - Michael Gove excepted perhaps!

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 12/10/2016 13:57

The trouble is one of my children already has mental health issues, to be utterly blunt if I'd thought for one moment there would be a situation where she wouldn't have her own room, child 3 and 4 wouldn't be here. She is not ex's child, she's already been stitched up by her bio dad and now my ex too. She should have the money to buy herself a flat outright in the bank but ex has had that.
I'm forgetting all about the three bed house, it's a bad idea.

OP posts:
QueenLizIII · 12/10/2016 13:58

The 16 yo alone. 12 & 14 year olds sharing and the 6yo in with you in your room.

wasonthelist · 12/10/2016 13:58

There is no property ladder anymore. The baby boomers pulled it up behind them when they got to the top. They're holding onto it. They'll rent you a bottom wrung if you want though.

Boomer here - still have a large mortgage in my mid 50s (not moaning, I am very lucky). Don't have a property I rent. What should I have done differently to avoid getting abuse like the above?

megletthesecond · 12/10/2016 13:59

As a total lp of 8 yrs I haven't had so much as a phone number, let alone a date. I've got a decade until my youngest starts uni then I'll have the time to think about myself. Sorry to be a grouch but if you have 4 dc's and work you will have to survive the next few years. Work, kids and your health will be top priority. It's shit but how it is.