The property ladder - broken ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Am having to start again at 41 with 4 kids.
Can save £200 per month by buying a property rather than renting, can scrape the deposit together etc. However it will be hell. 3 beds, one living room, kitchen diner.
We will not all have a bedroom am tempted to put all 4, aged 16,14,12 and 6 in together to sleep and literally make the bedrooms a place where you close your eyes and then have a home work study room.

My major worry is how do we move on though. House prices have barely moved since 2004 in this area.

Is the next step just beyond me and everyone else ? How did you do it if you did ?
TIA

keep looking - can take ages for a suitable house to come up.

Could you rent in the mean time to buy some more time ?

I know there are downsides to that - we wanted to avoid doing it as we'd have two moving costs and more disruption.

How tied are you with schools - presumably they are in schools already - if they are good then you need commutable distances so are there slightly cheaper pockets of housing to look for?. We move completely area and found had very limited choice with school places - might be easy with secondary schools I suppose.

When we looked we made a list of what we absolutely needed - in our case three bedroom, commutable for work and decent catchments and second toilet was very high up on list but every thing else was nice to have and then looked were we could afford. Makes it easier to work out where you are more prepare to compromise.

TBH matching up size, price and commutable distances and okay schools ruled most options out for us - and really narrowed search area on right move.

Sounds silly but a written list of pros and cons for all options can be very helpful stops it going round in your head.

Whatever I decide will be presented with a whoopee isn't this going to be fun smile

The list is a good idea.

Why will they have MH issues and not fulfil their potential just because they are in a smallish house

As long as they all have a quiet place to do homework and can sleep ok (may require earplugs while they adjust...) then I don't see why it would affect them so badly.

Have to agree with pp that a lot will depend on your own reaction - if you present it to them as a challenge but worth it, they may well be fine with it. If you present it as hell they won't.

Are the kids happy and doing well at their schools? Do you have work (or work opportunities) in your area? If so then I'd stay put area wise. If not then I'd consider moving area. Going back to your old area is not your only relocation option...

There's no ladder anymore, but people still perpetuate this myth. Move 300 miles away if it means a better area and you can. Having to share bedrooms and live in a flat is hardly 'hell', though.

Well that's the point isn't it mini pie, they won't have anywhere quiet to do their homework, chill, have privacy.
The only place I'd relocate would be back to the family home, bit pointless moving again but again disadvantages to that too, we'd only be treading water

It sounds fine. 3 bedrooms and 4 children.

Smallest bedroom -you
Two children in one room, two children in the other. Whoever shares with 6 year old can use your bedroom for reading, tv, homework in the evening if youngest asleep. Otherwise homework done at kitchen table together.

Your children aren't tiny. The eldest could be leaving for uni in less than 2 years, followed by the next teen 2 years later

I would buy a place, but based on it being a nicer area, and smaller home. Realistically in 5 years time it's likely to just be yourself and 1-2 children living at home full time.

And I would discuss it with the children. Three are teenagers and fully able to understand. You can sit down together and work out pros and cons and discuss with them what the current situation is.

I guess though, thinking about it if we were back in the family home if be better placed to earn extra money, weekend job too and maybe meet somebody who might contribute to the bills, maybe take in a lodger when the older two go to university.
Am just thinking out loud as I said, one of the hardest things being a single parent is having nobody to discuss the big stuff with.

Why wouldn't they have a quiet place to work? You have three bedrooms, a living room and kitchen diner. That's 5 rooms, I'm sure at least one can be quiet.

Are you a lone parent?
If so then you go in the smallest room and split the children between the other two rooms.

Makes sense to buy. Renting is just a waste of money. Yes you have more space but if in 4y time your 2 oldest are at Uni and you think ok 3 bed will work now then property in your area could have gone through the roof and then it may be out of your reach.

If you have no garden space then may be worth looking sometimes larger flats instead of houses? You general get more space for your money than house with garden.

I don't think you have to present it as fun, or terrible, just as the realistic thing that is now going to happen. There will be some kick-back, there was when I moved a couple of years ago, but everyone is used to it now, and most of your children are of the age they might start to realise people have to live pragmatically, according to how much money they have, that won't stop them being pissed off initially though.

One option if you are really stuck for space is to rent/buy a flat with bigger rooms inside, but no or little outside space. Something has to give, and I'd rather have no or a tiny garden than prioritise that- and millions of people live in Europe in flats, rarely as big as our houses. If you don't want to give up the garden, what else could you sacrifice? It might be different for different people (I could live without a loft/garden but really do need space for a dishwasher in the kitchen or on a surface, for example).

It sounds a hard position to be in, and hard to juggle where to live/schools as well. Perhaps they are old enough to have an opinion? They might prefer moving rather than staying in a smaller property nearby?

I realise you're in a difficult place right now but what youre describing isn't all that unusual for many many people. Suggesting your children's mental health will suffer because of smaller rooms is not only underestimating how adaptable children are, it's also a bit of a kick in the teeth to all the people who live in these circumstances.

At 16 and 14 - isn't moving to new school going to impact on A-level and GCSE either options or actual teaching doing them?

So you'd need research that and factor into any move - it could be they'd have better options though I know we plan to stay around if at all possible till our have finished exams now - though life might interfere.

Bounty I wouldn't ask them, we stayed in the last place a year longer than we should have because they begged me to, I'd have £20,000 more in the bank now if I hadn't listened which they will never know, but yeah lol

It's certainly not meant as a kick in the teeth to anyone. I also think it's different if you currently or always have lived in those sized houses, heck I grew up in one but I look at it now and can't imagine it and I've course I'd never have had 4 children knowing that would be their environment

I wouldn't leave a decision with such financial implications to my children.

Our children are younger but they'd have stayed with what they knew if we'd given them a choice about last move - as it is it's mainly worked out very good for them as well as our bank balance.

We picked the area and short listed the houses - they did get to look round with us though at houses and we did listen to what they said - though it didn't override our opinions.

'maybe meet somebody who might contribute to the bills, ' 'I can't have a relationship if I'm sharing a bedroom with a 6 year old. It's all shit.'

You've just left your marriage and you're already banging on about getting into another one? Yeah, that'll be great for your kids' mental health that you're so concerned about.

Get a GRIP! It's a downsizing, not a relocation to fucking Aleppo.

'It's all shit' 'hell' - talk about melodramatic.

'I also think it's different if you currently or always have lived in those sized houses, '

Oh, yes, all your peasants, you're much better equipped to deal with your small lodgings.

Are you scraping the deposit from your savings and earnings? If you sell the FmH now would the equity from that enable you to buy better?

It sounds like you definitely have options, which is good - you talk about saving £200pm - what if you aim for a house where the mortgage will be £200 per month higher (i.e. what you pay now) or even £300 pm higher - will that get you more space? Can you get a bigger mortgage ?

You can continue renting but that might put buying out of your reach and the longer you continue to rent the harder it is to a) get a mortgage for 25 years (I know a couple in late 40s having real problems with this) and b) have a realistic chance of paying it off by the time you're retirement age. Plus the fact that your landlord can give you 2 months notice at any time (which can be disruptive to schooling and moving is expensive).

a 200 a month saving...

AND you get to have a house you own outright after 25 years

That's the main thing, isn't it? No rent to pay in old age (ideally)

The oldest two may well be moving out in a few years time.

Why the hell are you even calculating for a relationship?? Relationship is (or should be) waaay down your list of concerns right now! Why would any new partner be needing into your bed when your 6 year old was there? Are you not thinking straight or is that a genuine concern that in the next year (or less!) you will need somewhere to shag while your 6 year old is in your bed?