to be considering calling child services on my sister

[IceAuntie]

Hi. Just let me explain my reasoning and i'll let mumsnet decide. My sis, not exactly the maternal type, she only seems interested in her kids if they can get her noticed (in a good way). She has 3 dd, the eldest is 14(from PR), a 3 year old & a 6mnth baby. DDno.1 is basically a mother to DDno.2 as my sis fawns over DDno.3. She is 14! and instead of being a kid, getting ready for GCSE's etc., she is changing nappies (both younger sisters!), cleaning up toddler sick and comforting tears/screams. DDno.2 is totally out of control, she screams and punches to get what she wants and my sis just gives in (e.g.she has just started playgroup in nappies! because she doesn't like the toilet & my sis gave up trying). DDno.3 is a very peaceful child @ present but how long that last who knows. My sis is still on ML and spends her days doing what she wants and ignoring everything else, the house is a tip. The rest of the family has tried to help/advise but she won't have any of it (unless it's free babysitting so she can go out). I could go further but I think you get the point. Am I being too hasty/worried over nothing? or are my DN in real trouble? Please help me mumsnet!

I have rang SS on my sister. For good reason though. There was domestic violence/lots of drug use/neglect in a huge way. She was out of her head most days on drugs. Had one child taken off her due to swallowing an Ecstacy Tablet.

She had her windows put through. The situation was absolutely horrendous. My whole family looked after the kids 99% of the time and there came a point where we couldn't do anymore.

SS didn't do anything and the problem is still ongoing 12 years later 3 kids later. Even when the middle child swallowed the drugs SS DID NOTHING.
The child's father had to take her to court.

I wouldn't bother

I've only read the first page, but OP has stated that family have offered advice and help and she's only interested if it means she can have a night off.
DN shouldn't be the one comforting and caring for her little sister. It's nice if she wants to help out but she should really be expected to do all nappy changes or be responsible for dealing with an upset young child. It's hard work. My DS and I have the same age gap and I was expected to help out a lot. At 14 it wasn't so much of an issue, at 15+ I was stressing about my exams and time was precious. Having to feed, bath and put to bed a 4 year old was too time consuming for me and effected my studies greatly.

If her middle child has started nursery they will start to make notes if anything seems off, as will the oldest childs school. But yes, I would contact social services. I don't see them doing anything unless there is a need for it. It's not like they will walk in and remove the children there and then. Steps will be taken if SS feels the need, but often they don't do anything. But I would right down exactly what feels wrong about it all and tell them in one go. No good saying oldest helps with middle child more than you think appropriate. Mention how step dad treats her, house is a mess... and everything that makes you worry.

How many of you have had familŷ offer advice that you haven't asked for that does little to nothing other than encourage you to do things the way they do when there is not much wrong with the way you do things?

Needsasock

I don't understand your post.

Op has stated she has offered help.
It is not up to her to have her sisters kids all the time though is it? Or do things?
In the nicest way It isn't her responsibility.
'Op's life must be very busy' really maybe she is very busy! People have lives.

If you live nearby, could you support your eldest niece? Maybe take her out on her own with you, or help her with her school work, such as having her to yours for a quiet study time once a week. Or just taking an interest in her for her own sake? She sounds lovely but neglected. She needs valuing for just being herself, and some one to one time with a caring aunt might be a good and important thing for her at 14. Poor lass, with a stepfather who resents her.

I helped a lot with housework and looking after younger siblings when I was 14. I liked being able to contribute to the family that way, and would have scoffed at the idea that I should spend more time 'being a kid.' She's 14, not 7.

OP, if you think your sister needs help, offer help yourself, or if you can't do that, point her in the right direction. Calling social services is very unreasonable and could do a lot of damage to your relationship with your sister and her children.

Unless the 14 year old is being kept back off school to care for her siblings the I don't see anything social services would follow up.

I would offer to help - for example could you offer to take just the 3 year old or another time just the 14 year old out and spoil them a bit? Another way to help is be a listening ear for your sister.

Does anyone ever rtft on Mumsnet these days? From the last few posts it would appear not. Good luck op, I doubt you're coming back but I'm going to have to hide thia thread before I say something I regret.

OP, do you have children of your own?

It sounds as thought your dsis needs more support

intheknickersoftime nope