To ask for help with losing weight? (title edited by MNHQ)

[oneaddiction]

I've deliberately posted here as I probably need harsh responses.

My mother was an alcoholic, drank herself to death when I was very young.

I am not a boozer. I am an eater, and I'm killing myself. I have no idea how to stop. We can have no food at all in this house because I will eat it. I have even taken food out of the bins and eaten it.

I've binge eaten for YEARS (since I was a kid really) but with periods of starvation in between so never got that big, then got pregnant and the only thing that stopped me feeling sick all the time was food. So I ate it.

Now I'm colossal. I still can't stop.

I'm worried I'm going to end up like my mother.

A few things - I won't go to WW or SW, please don't suggest, and I don't think counselling will help. I guess I need to find willpower but HOW. I am looking for stories form people who DID stop smoking or drinking or whatever?

[Ahwelllll]

I suggest next time take a pen and paper and write yourself some notes which only you can see and read. Damn I seem to have lost my magic wand. I was all ready to wave it over you! Bugger.

[Excited101]

Prawn is spot on too, one day I hope you realise and/or appriciate that op.

Everyone on here has tried in their own ways to help you but you've not accepted any of it. Are you looking for diet tips like dinner suggestions? Or tactics like the washing up liquid in the bin? Hints and tips are great and can help but you still need self belief and to feel powerful which it doesn't sound like you do at all.

[blueskyinmarch]

You asked for harsh responses and that is what you got. As i already said, i don’t think you are ready to start making changes. I hope you can manage to work it out for yourself but i do believe you need some support.

[TheRealGracePoole]

You need a friend to support, encourage and be honest with you.

You are right, it has to come from you and you can try and try and it won't work and then one day you will try something and it clicks.

Slimming clubs didn't work for me and eating little didn't work for me I like food. One day when I was looking fir dinner ideas I came across Sainsburies diets ( I think it had changed names now) . You enetered in all your info and what kind of regime you were after. I chose a feel full regime. You could choose what your treats were e.g. Takeaway or wine and it would generate a meal plan...

But......

You didn't gave to stick to the meal plan it just gave you ideas and you could also diary.

So I mixed and matched, I loved the diarying and now use my fitness pal, the great thing though about sainburies diets was that it identified everyone is different, had different motivations and different characters.

Good luck I hope you work out what works for you.

[Lalaloopsyscaresme]

You have said in tour title that you need help before you kill yourself. I don't want to join in with the tough love brigade but it sounds to me like your resigned to your fate, but if there is even a shred of fight left in you then do what needs done. If that means taking a photo of yourself in the worst unflattering way and sticking it in every food cupboard to start with then do it.
But everyday you don't seek help is a countdown to the inevitable, don't end up like your mum.

[Ahwelllll]

And don't put the blame on people because you are unable to work out your problems. You seem to be looking for any excuse.

[TheRealGracePoole]

www.dietplan.co.uk/sainsburysdiets

Sorry I know is actually Sainsburys! At Least I am consistent

[Fatmanbuttsam]

So don't try to give up.....alcohol, smoking and drugs all can be lived without so to do a complete exclusion is possible. Until they invent a meal in a pill you are always going to have to eat something.

Ring fence three or four times each day when it's meal time and allow yourself to eat. i imaging if something is prohibited the desire or craving is magnified in intensity. Outside of those allocated eating times don't fill your mind up with not eating, instead each time you go to get food say 'in a minute' and find a small task to do as a distraction. That might reduce the quantity you each, and each time you don't eat or lose a lb that might help you have another minute and another minute until you eat. By not having an outright ban you have a manageable target and there is no failure, each minute is a success and hopefully that will help you control your eating rather than the other way around.
I think you are doing really well to admit a problem and wish you lots of look

[Starlight2345]

Op..
Can I suggest you read back through the 8 pages and write down every single suggestion that has been made here....There have been probably about 40 /50...I haven't counted...

Then find the ones that you can try. What will make a difference..

You are right in one sense no one can help you but yourself but you need to look at how to help yourself...

[whereisshe]

Have any of you suggesting going to the GP actually sought help for mental health concerns or addiction on the NHS? It's nigh on impossible to get any support at all, and the enforced disempowerment and infantilisation that the system seems to expect mental health patients to undergo is entirely unhelpful when said system then leaves said patients in the lurch because their allotted funding is used up.

[Prawnofthepatriarchy]

Thank you, Pretty. I appreciate that some think I'm harsh, but buying into OP's self-pity and dishonesty is actually a lot more cruel in the long run. If people who cared had bought into my hundred and one excuses as to why I couldn't stop drinking I'd be long dead. More importantly, if I hadn't been prepared to be ruthlessly honest with myself and do whatever it took - years and years of as many as 5 meetings a week - I wouldn't be sober today, or have kids who have never seen me drink.

If the OP doesn't start telling herself the truth she may well, as she predicts, die of her addiction. Addiction kills. I know this in a way non addicts typically don't. Some of the people I got sober with are long gone.

[TheWrathFromHighAtopTheThing]

OP, I weigh the same as you do.

You are not colossal by any stretch of the imagination.

Yesterday I walked ten miles. I run 5k a couple of times a week. I've lost over a stone in the last 6 months.

I know I could do better. And so can you. Exercising isn't easy but you are not anywhere near so big that you can't stick on some leggings from Primark and go for a walk. That's something you can do all by yourself, don't you think?

[randomer]

ok have a laugh at me.....I would say your inner core is your inner being. You can access this through being quiet or yoga.

Call it common sense if you

[GColdtimer]

There have been many, many suggestions on here OP. Some people have taken the time to write substantiAl passages of advice. Have any if them helped you move forward? I suspect not because your problems are far more deep rooted than can be solved by a diet plan, exercise regime or self help books - as useful as all those may be.

If you had a decaying tooth you would be told rightly to go to the dentist. Until you realise and accept you need professional help I fear all these well meaning posters are wasting their time.

[BananaThePoet]

What did you want people to say?
I am seriously frightened by your posts.
The last time I encountered a similar attitude was from a dearly loved friend of mine.
She's dead now.
She killed herself.
I hope to goodness you have a happier outcome.
The fact is that no matter what we say - you will do what you want to do.
No amount of love, sense, etc. will change a thing.
As you said it has to come from you.
I hope you will give yourself the chance to have a good life.

[user1475440127]

You eat to fill a void. That said you need to nourish your body.
How do you nourish your mind OP?
Food aside, what makes you happy? I love colour, and without it I am depressed. I only wear colourful clothes, have a colourful home. Colour is my passion.
You need to find a passion. It will fill that void. There is not a self help book in the world that will help if there is a gaping hole in your life that can only be filled with overeating.
May I ask if you genuinely feel hungry before you eat? I say this because there are a few rare syndromes that sufferers have that don't ever feel satiated. I think this is unlikely in your case.
CBT. is a form of councelling but it is about you making informed choices based on your understanding of why you eat ,what triggers it and how you feel afterwards. It's not about lifting the lid on horrible things you experienced in your childhood.
It really helped me when I had an episode of severe anxiety.

[PrettyBotanicals]

Prawn for your honesty, bravery and achievement

[Wdigin2this]

Haven't read the whole thread so maybe repeating, but have you tried hypnotism?

[TheSconeOfStone]

I'm not sure all the advice about different diets is that helpful until you're ready to tackle this.

I found my motivation 4 weeks ago and walked through the door of SW yet again. I have lost half a stone in the last four weeks but it is bloody hard. Anyway, SW works for me because I hate weighing and calorie
counting or going without carbs.

I find writing down everything I eat on my phone really helpful. I don't share it with anyone. This has made me stop and think before stuffing my mouth full of food. I have also started a new hobby and found an exercise group I enjoy so other things in life a filling the hole I usually chuck food into.

It's not easy though. There is no magic wand.

[JMJ1]

Google the link between the gut and the brain and then read up on Weston A Price. You're probably malnourished.

[Thatwaslulu]

I have a food addiction disorder too. The only thing that helped me was having a gastric sleevectomy and now I cannot physically eat much. I would recommend considering that as it can be impossible to stop when food is a crutch. With alcohol or drug addiction, you can stop visiting pubs, drinking, taking drugs. You can't stop eating so one bite always needs to the next one.

[user1475440127]

Of all the people with addictions, I find people with an eating disorder to be the most defensive. The over eaters and under eaters in equal measure.
It is not a sin to eat or overeat .. There are no rules about what we choose to put into our bodies , It's about making informed choices,
A healthy diet isn't about eating Ryveta and lettuce. A hearty dinner won't make you fat. Grazing on endless pizza, crisps and chocolate will.
Could you try eating three big meals a day, forget potion control for now as if you have a high BMI you will probably lose weight . An 8 stone person would gain weight ,but you have a bigger "engine" to run IYSWIM
Start to look at eating as a reason to be healthy . No need to buy any special products, just meat, fish, veg etc.

[PresidentOliviaMumsnet]

Hi We've had some requests to change the thread title, which we do understand
We'd also remind people that MN is here to MAKE lives easier
Bit of Peace and Love, eh?
Thanks
MNHQ

[MammaBear091114]

If you don't want to go to your GP or counselling or slimming world and diets don't work then how do you expect to get better? Seriously? It's like your wanting a magic easy answer and the only answer is you need to get help!

I had depression and severe anxiety and when I joined slimming world I had such bad anxiety that I was physically sick, I made myself go though and I've already lost 2 stone and doing well.

Slimming World is NOT A DIET, it's a lifestyle change where they teach you how to eat.

However if you think this is an addiction or a condition then you will need to see a doctor and get some medical help in order to control it.

Sorry to be harsh but you sound like you need a major kick up the arse. Stop making excuses and get yourself to your GP urgently!