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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my mum she's taking the piss?

234 replies

KungFuPandaWorksOut · 11/10/2016 14:05

I'm a hairdresser who is currently on Mat leave. My mum meets up with her old university friends a couple of times a year and makes a night of it. She asked at the weekend could I do her hair and four of her friends hair for Tonight. I told her no problem but I will charge her friends but not salon price ( I always do my mums for free) she asked me do I know how much it would cost. I told her without exactly knowing what they want doing I wouldn't be able to give a price. She said she thinks majority will have a wash,cut and blow and maybe an updo. I told her call it £15.00 each then if they don't have updo £10. She said that's brilliant.
Now ive just recieved a text off my mum saying how excited her and her girls are to have a "pampering" with me and such a bargain for only £30.
I am so annoyed that my mums pulled this stunt. But now she's told her friends it's £30 collectively so I'm going to look a massive twat saying no it's £15 each if you have an updo!
Would IBU to tell her to piss off Angry
She's due at 3 o'clock and I'm half tempted not too answer the door!!

OP posts:
2kids2dogsnosense · 12/10/2016 21:50

Mummyofdragon
finally, I got a card with "I'm sorry if...". That's the best she's ever done

I hate those slithery non-apologies.

"I'm sorry if you're upset . . . "
"I'm sorry if you found it offensive . . . "
"I'm sorry that you didn't like it when . . . "

None of these is an apology. They are all ways of saying "Oh, FFS get over yourself - you're being oversensitive. I've done nothing wrong. YOU are throwing your toys out of your pram."

People who do this are arseholes.

ample · 12/10/2016 21:57

Good grief she still hasn't twigged on that she was wrong?! Shock.

KungFu, next time (if there is a next time) your mum comes around expecting a freebie, I would be very tempted to say no and blame it on your emotions and hormones.
Ffs, it really takes all sorts.

38cody · 12/10/2016 22:04

Can't you just give 3 hours of your time once or twice a year toake your mums day special? I would do them for free. I knowidt don't agree but I would happily do it for my mum & her pals if it's only once or twice a year.

Confusednotcom · 12/10/2016 22:10

38cody it's the way her DM ignored OPs fee request then tried to blatantly manipulate her into doing more anyway. And with the choice of spending an sfternoon with a load of advantage taking mum mates or my PFB no, I wouldn't do it as a favour. Jog on!

KungFuPandaWorksOut · 12/10/2016 22:10

38 that's true, why I didn't think of that sooner Hmm I'll have to think of something they can do for a few hours for me once or twice a year. Their special talents include

  • chain smoking
  • drinking like a fish
  • discussing recipes
  • reminiscing old memories
  • moaning
  • fashion advice

Don't know which to pick first!

OP posts:
2kids2dogsnosense · 12/10/2016 22:12

Panda

I would avoid the fashion advice.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 12/10/2016 22:20

3 hours of cooking meals in freezable portions to stock your freezer twice a year?

Assuming they don't drop fag ash in it while chain smoking of course.

Phalenopsisgirl · 12/10/2016 22:43

Omg I'm so cross for you, £15 is an incredible price, if I were them I'd be falling over with gratitude and a thank you bottle of wine thrown in. I think it's time for your mum to enter the real world and start going to a salon and find how far £15 goes there

expatinscotland · 12/10/2016 22:46

What kind of parent would expect such a service for their friends for free from their child, especially when they know their daughter is on mat leave and money is tight? The mother could have asked it and then paid her daughter for it as a treat for her friends. Can't imagine ripping hte piss out of my own child, much less getting bitchy when I didn't get my way and turning it back on her, telling her she embarrassed me. WTF kind of mother is this? And her friend? Too tight to pay to get her hair cut but has money to blow on getting pissed.

ICuntSeeYourPoint · 12/10/2016 23:16

I suspect 38cody is the OP's mum. Why the fuck would you do your mum's friends' hair for free? The fact you offered to do them for a bloody massive discount is something most people would be really grateful for. She could fuck right off if she's not even grateful for it!

Cody38 what exactly do you do for your parents' friends several times a year for free which takes you several hours a time?

avamiah · 12/10/2016 23:25

expatinscotland,
Totally agree with you, no mum would want their kid to lose out, if it was my mother and I was a hairdresser, she would be the opposite as she would tell her mates to pay me double as I was doing their hair at home and I'm a fabulous hairdresser.haha

PickAChew · 12/10/2016 23:36

Are you a doormat, irl, cody?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 13/10/2016 03:13

Either that or she's the sort who expects to get that sort of favour for free, PickA.
No one reasonable would expect someone to do 4h work for free because the "customers" were too tight to pay for it. Only real pisstakers or people pleasers would think that's ok.

emmyhNL · 13/10/2016 03:40

What happened OP?

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/10/2016 04:51

2kids. Mother's a narcissist. The" I'm sorry if...." will have been terribly difficult for her even if she still isn't accepting responsibility. Her slowly having less affect on me is the easiest path as well as extricating myself from the guilt imposed upon me.

Gyderlily · 13/10/2016 07:07

What I'd like to know is why she left behind 2 friends that were perfectly happy to pay and brought along Mrs non payer Hmm
Well done for doing re right thing, I may not have had the guts!

KungFuPandaWorksOut · 13/10/2016 07:30

gyder because the one whose hair I did is quite a reasonable lady she's probably the nicest out of the bunch. The others she didn't bring because she wanted too save face, rather than tell them she had gave the wrong price. I don't think her friends would have pulled their faces as such,just sort of made comments like "how did you get confused" and "aren't you dopey thing it was my mum not wanting to embarrass herself.

OP posts:
PlumsGalore · 13/10/2016 07:50

Has she been back in touch yet OP, or has it all been swept under the table? Soon be Friday, my mum always goes to the hairdressers for a blow dry on a Friday, is your mum the same? Grin

llanfairpwllgwyngyll · 13/10/2016 08:04

Can you turn her own behaviour on her and tell her you want a quiet word and how could she have embarrassed you so massively the other day and why, after ten years of free hairdos, could she not have paid for her 'Mrs Excessive' friend if she was so keen to help her and be seen as a 'good friend'...

Well done for standing your ground. Glad your father saw the truth. Honestly, she sounds so much as if she has a right to a compliant daughter at her beck and call.

Jedimum1 · 13/10/2016 08:21

OP should not do her mum's friends' hair for free. It takes hours, it was dropped on her, she was giving very generous mate's rates, she was being messed around with the times and there's never a similar favour back. I'd have expected at least babysitting for free also a couple of days a year for the whole evening then, so I could have a date night with my DH. But why should OP do all this work for free? That's taking the Mickey and not appreciating the work that goes into hairdressing. If OP were a chef, would she be expected to cook a "Masterchef" dinner at the drop of a hat for mum and friends whenever they decide they want a special night out? What if she were a tailor? Should she do all this for free not only for her mum but also her friends? The acceptable thing to do, in my opinion, is to always pay something. If you are given discounted rates that's great and you should be grateful. I think your mum should have brought you something at least every now and then as payment for all those free hair-dos. Obviously, your mum was making herself look good by saying she arranged things and maybe even hoped the friends would be paying for her night out in exchange, absolute freebie.

Nobody has mentioned and maybe you don't care but I would be fuming if somebody dropped 4h work on me whilst on maternity and then not see I would be doing them a favour. I was knackered all the time, I tried to sleep when my baby did, I was constantly feeding, changing nappies, cleaning the mess after feeding... If I had to fit 4h of non stop almost-free work I'd expect them to be grateful, to help with baby, to make her own drinks and definitely bring something like wine, chocolates or a baby present. Your mum knew she was taking the Mickey, she said it was such at great bargain and also upgraded the hairdressing to pampering, as she were expecting also nails or something else. £30 for 5 people is cheeky when you were asking for £40-£60 to make it worth. Messing you with the time is not right either, you might have a schedule with baby and I assume that they arrive at 4pm, they would not leave before 8-9pm, which means OP would have to make arrangements for dinner, bath, nigh time routine... To be fair, I'd have to have an excellent relationship with my mum and feel she deserves it if I were to do it in the first place, I don't think your mum is in that position and she's being cheeky. If anything, now you have a baby and are on maternity, she should be insisting on paying or bringing stuff for the baby.

Sunshineonacloudyday · 13/10/2016 10:38

You do your mums extensions when she wanted them for free I remember asking how much extensions cost I was mortified. You've allowed your mum to take the piss out of you but don't allow her to take money and food from your child's mouth.

KungFuPandaWorksOut · 13/10/2016 12:15

Still nothing, but I wasn't expecting anything off her. She'll expect me to carry on as normal. Means more my dad text me though, because normally in his eyes my mum can do no wrong.

plums yeah my mum also normally has me do a blow dry on Friday or Saturday! So will be interesting to see if she attempts to ring/turn up like normal.

Jedi Exactly but she doesn't see it like that, so through her being self absorbed and cheeky no more freebies!

sunshine exactly ive never once asked her for money when she's had extensions which she normally has put in around Christmas time. Or colouring her hair, which obviously both leave me out of pocket. I think she just sees it as her right now too have her hair done for free as it's been happening for so long, which is obviously my fault as ive allowed it to go on for nearly ten years

OP posts:
Ghostqueen · 13/10/2016 12:21

I can't believe your mum is treating you like this! What parent takes advantage. If you were my child I would pay you full rate, probably more if I can afford nights out. Or babysit.

Ineedacupofteadesperately · 13/10/2016 14:37

KungFu I've been thinking about this - and I'm not a hairdresser (for which I'm sure everyone is immensely thankful Smile) but presumably it's not just the actual hair washing, cutting and drying but also the fact that you have to organise your house ahead of time to make space to do it (with a baby, I expect there's baby stuff everywhere so will require some tidying up etc) plus the clean up of all the hair cuttings afterwards? So, it's not just your time and expertise but all that too - and it sounds like they were coming around to yours then going out straight after - does your Mum normally stay and help you clean up at least?

I'm so glad your Dad has seen what is going on and is supporting you. Three cheers for your Dad!

FeelingSmurfy · 13/10/2016 15:14

When it comes to it, if you feel yourself struggling just think of what you could do for your baby with that money. Your mum will still be getting a bargain.

It will be hard at first but hopefully being paid will become the new normal.

Decide on a base price now and then just add on whatever the colour or extensions cost you when you do them.