To ask DPs parents to release his funds?

[melibu84]

My partner and I are desperately trying to move, but have had issues with referencing twice, with lettings agents.

On a normal year, our annual income is £45k, more than enough to rent a 2 or 3 bed place in kent.

Currently, I am on maternity leave and my partner is still on probation at his new job. His annual salary is £20k.

The first time we saw a place we liked, the lettings agency said we would need a guarantor because he is on probation OR pay 6 months rent in advance.

My partner has the rent money, but it is being held by his parents. It is part of an inheritance he received. His dad refused to give him the money.

The same thing is happening again with another place that we both love. It's close to a train station, so I can commute to London, close to his family and friends in kent, even includes access to a gym.

We can't stay where we are. I was renting a 2 bed flat with my sister and it's getting a bit cramped (3 adults, 1 baby, 2 cats!). Plus, my mum will be moving in with my sister. She is undergoing dialysis, and is very ill, and the flat is better for her than where she is currently living, as there are no stairs and there is lift access.

AIBU to tell him and his parents that this is not a one off situation, that if we want to move we will need them to front the 6 months rent? We can pay back into it easily. I'm worried that this will keep happening and it will take ages to move!

Sorry to hear that it has not gone the way you hoped OP, I'm sure you'll be talking about it with your DP on a more detailed basis to see what he thinks you should do in the future. Is it you that is looking at the new flats more than him?

Well, he seems to think its suitable for the next 4 months! OP you sound like you are doing all the thinking and organising (and most of the parenting based on his hours). I can totally understand why you are pissed off at him - pissing on the chips of your very detailed research and carefully considered plans.

In fact, I'd be so pissed off I would tell him that he needs to sort out accommodation for himself till Feb and send him back to the bank of mum & dad.

UPDATE for anyone still bothering to read this thread.

As luck would have it, a previous place we viewed as come back on the market and they are now prepared to be more flexible about us meeting the criteria. My partner's on the phone with them now, paying the holding deposit.

It's a 2 bed house within 10 minutes walk to a train station, and has a garden. A garden is the one thing the flat didn't have. So, I am still a bit sad about losing the flat cos it was gorgeous, but at least we have a house now :)

stiffstink

so much research! I have a massive spreadsheet of alternative budgets depending on where we live and what childcare arrangement we would have.

I think he has grown up a little bit since he became a dad, but he does have a little way to go :) ok, maybe a long way.

And I do do a lot of the caring. Another reason to move cos his drive will only be an hour instead of nearly 2!

costwold

he was sending me links for the flats on zoopla, and then I was calling them up.

Neither of us realised that some of the agencies could be so picky. We thought evidence of savings would be enough, but we were told no! :/

Can't you move in with his parents?

Good to hear that it has worked out for, OP.

Yay. Happy ending.

OP have you spoken to a free mortgage advisor? My credit relating is really bad! I was turned down for a mortgage in April last year. (Bad credit was down to really stupid things I had done early 20s- missing phone payments, credits cards etc. TOTALLY my fault but didn't really think about the bigger picture at the time!)
Anyway my partner and I moved some things around and set up DD for all my payments as I was still (stupidly) trying to remember to pay each bill each month without! Reapplied for a mortgage in December and was approved! Not the best rates in the world but hey ho!
My point here is, speak to someone if you haven't already, they have certain mortgages that are for people with not so good credit - London and Country are really good for advice and all over the phone!

Also to answer your question - no I don't think you are being unreasonable

Sorry posted from the first page! Glad you have sorted things

Hi RoseGold

To answer your question, I wanted to shop around as well, maybe try a broker, but DP didn't. Now he has it in his head that house prices are going to crash with Brexit, so he wants to hold off trying to buy for 2-3 years (!). on the plus side, we both working in software support, so I expect that in 2-3 years we'll both be earning more money and can take on a larger mortgage for a nicer place than we could afford now.

and thanks everyone :)

He's 27, a father and he needs to grow the fuck up. He has enough money to PROVIDE A DECENT HOME for his child and partner - but he won't. He doesn't want to use HIS money to help his family, he'd rather struggle until you start paying your way

As well as being very immature for his age, he is also very selfish and self centred. Or he doesn't know how to stand up to his controlling parents.
He's never had to be responsible for anything but himself because his parents infantilised him - and they're still doing it. They can't be that 'lovely' if they have refused to help their own grandchild have a decent home to live in/start to life.

They are still infantilising your dp. They are making financials decision FOR him and that isn't their place anymore. HE needs to start taking responsibility now and work with you on managing it.

I think something else is going on here - either pil don't actually have it to give or they have controlling personalities and are using this to manipulate. Or maybe....they don't want to give him a penny of it because they secretly think you are after it?

Either way, i think you need to get this situation cleared up if you're serious about having a future together. His parents don't get to decide how he spends his money. He needs to start making those decisions with YOU.
And it would be very useful to see evidence of that amount actually existing....and you know he can always transfer it to a savings account of his own where he can't access it easily or without a co-signatory?

i think you're being very naive here OP.

So your DP didn't want to even consider a broker? Combined with the facts that he doesn't trust himself with money, he doesn't seem to be putting the effort into finding home, I'm wondering when he's going to grow up.

When you first posted I thought perhaps there was an issue with his folks but now it sounds like he really doesn't want to handle money, which is crazy for a 27 year old.

It's great that you've found somewhere. You must be very relieved. I hope it all works out.

Good that you've found a proper home for your young family.I'm so pleased there is a little garden for the young'un to play in.
BTW I would not consider buying anywhere in the SE for a while.
The economy could change overnight and you might find yourself with a massive mortgage and negative equity.

Melibu - yeah that does make sense :) hope it all works out for you! Also although I don't think you were BU I think it's worked out for the best that you didn't have to use the money! Good luck in your new home x